Day Five

That loathsome sound

Comes from behind that wall.

I knock on it, and it knocks back at me.

Behind it, there's an empty space,

Large enough to hold all the unspat versions of myself.

I pick up that towering sculpture,

And with every thrust, pierce its wallpaper-like fragile surface.

It crumbles with a thunderous crash.

Behind the exposed flesh and bones,

Are sheets of blank paper that won’t take me away from this place,

Paper upon which I had once written

My most powerless words.

And a few dedications from the pinnacle of art.

It said,

The very fabric of this world

Is built upon consciousness.

Thus,

To escape from here itself

Is to abandon all consciousness,

And simultaneously flee from this

Or that

“world.”

I wept bitterly,

Stretching my hand towards the now darkened sky.

And the boy who had come so late,

Grasped my hand.

“Have you realized it, my friend?”

He asked,

As he held the hand I reached out to him.

“You died on the first day. Have you realized that?”

“Wha... what...” I searched for my tongue, and he no longer seemed distant.

“The shifting bed, the ropes that suddenly appeared on the sculpture, the uncracked ‘9,’ and the bed that never kept its distance from you. After that, the moon rising unnaturally, the inexplicable starlight... so many things like that, you never noticed.”

“But why don't I feel like I’ve died? Am I not still... still...”

He shook his head, full of disappointment—no, perhaps it was despair: “Because consciousness is not the same as living...”

"After the heart stops beating, the brain does not immediately stop functioning. Neurons can continue to send electrical signals for a few minutes. This sustained neural activity may lead to a continuation of consciousness, even though the body is already dead. Consciousness does not disappear instantly at the moment the heart stops, but gradually fades. Since the brain's cortex deteriorates at different speeds, certain regions may remain active longer than others, especially those related to self-awareness, such as the parietal and frontal lobes.

"However, if we assume that at some point in your memory, you truly lived, then at that moment, you were dominated by consciousness: the visual cortex controls vision, receiving light information from the eyes, processing visual features such as color, shape, and depth. The processing of visual information begins in the primary visual cortex and is gradually transmitted to higher-level areas, eventually integrating into a complex visual experience. The temporal lobe processes hearing, receiving and processing sound information from the ears, including pitch, volume, and direction. The primary auditory cortex handles basic sound characteristics, while more complex sound recognition, such as language and music, involves more advanced auditory cortex areas. The somatosensory cortex processes touch, helping perceive the state of the body and its interaction with the outside world. The olfactory bulb and olfactory cortex relay smell signals directly to the brain's olfactory bulb, then pass them to the olfactory cortex and limbic system, responsible for processing scents and emotional associations. The insula or insular cortex and the frontal lobe receive taste information from the tongue, processing the perception of different flavors. Finally, the prefrontal cortex is responsible for higher cognitive functions, such as decision-making, attention, planning, and self-awareness. The parietal cortex is responsible for spatial perception and sensory integration. The limbic system, including structures like the hippocampus and amygdala, processes emotions, memory, and motivation.

"But how can you be sure that the piece of flesh beneath your skull hasn't deceived you? You know that some people have mental issues, you know they experience auditory, visual, tactile, and sensory hallucinations—so why can't the person with these issues be you? If you can feel that others are crazy, then why couldn't the one who's lost their mind be you? What makes you special, and how can you prove your uniqueness?

"Two line segments of equal length, one with outward-pointing arrows at both ends, the other with inward-pointing arrows. Although the two lines are actually the same length, the line with inward arrows appears shorter. This may be because the brain misjudges distances based on the direction of the arrows, leading to a distortion in visual perception. A diagonal line intersects two parallel lines, and at the point where the parallel lines break, the brain perceives the two parts of the diagonal as misaligned. This happens because the brain misinterprets spatial relationships, especially when processing intersections of lines and geometric shapes. In a grid made up of black squares, gray spots appear at the intersections, even though they do not actually exist. This is because when the brain processes high-contrast images, neurons in the visual cortex are influenced by adjacent areas, creating the illusion of shadows at the intersections. Then, there are two circles of the same size—one is surrounded by larger circles, and the other by smaller ones. Even though the two central circles are the same size, the one surrounded by smaller circles appears larger, because the brain estimates the size of the central object based on the relative size of surrounding objects, leading to visual distortion. A set of parallel lines is overlaid with diagonal lines, and the direction of the diagonals makes the originally parallel lines seem to diverge or converge. This occurs because when interpreting lines in different directions, the brain mistakenly estimates their relative positions, making parallel lines appear no longer parallel. When someone stares at a moving object for a long time and then looks at a stationary object, the stationary object seems to move in the opposite direction. This is because, after adapting to prolonged motion signals, the motion-detecting neurons in the brain temporarily lose balance, and when the focus shifts, they activate in reverse, causing the stationary object to appear to move. When someone moves around in a room designed as a trapezoid, viewed through a window, the person will appear to grow larger or smaller. This illusion is created by misleading the brain's spatial perception through visual cues, as the brain's depth and size estimation is based on assumptions about regular geometric shapes, and when the room's shape is deliberately distorted, a size illusion occurs. In a gradient of a gray strip that gradually becomes lighter or darker, brighter or darker edges appear at the boundary between light and dark areas, even though these boundaries do not actually exist. This is due to a phenomenon in the visual system called lateral inhibition, where adjacent receptive fields inhibit each other, leading to an over-enhancement of contrast. When objects are illuminated by different light sources, even though the actual color has changed, our brain still perceives them as maintaining consistent color. This is because the brain automatically corrects for the color of ambient light, making objects appear the same under different lighting conditions, even though they have physically changed.

"These illusions have even been given names—Müller-Lyer illusion, Poggendorff illusion, Hermann grid illusion, Ebbinghaus illusion, Zollner illusion, motion aftereffect illusion, Ames room illusion, Mach bands, and color constancy illusion—because in very common, very objective situations, the brain produces hallucinations, and this phenomenon is not rare.

"So how can you guarantee that your brain isn't deceiving you? How can you ensure that your 'life' hasn't been filled with illusions?

"In other words, even if you’ve been dead for some time, you may still be trapped in every microsecond before the complete loss of consciousness. These microseconds know of your passing, and they continuously stretch out and fragment one subtle moment...

"Thus, consciousness, you see, is unlike being alive."

…