Sunday Family Humour 3rd January Page 2
Sunday Family Humour 3rd January Page 2
Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour
I Did Not Know That
Thanks to Spike
A SHOT OF WHISKEY In the old west a .45 cartridge for a six-gun cost 12 cents, so did a glass of whiskey. If a cowhand was low on cash he would often give the bartender a cartridge in exchange for a drink. This became known as a "shot" of whiskey.
THE WHOLE NINE YARDS American fighter planes in WW2 had machine guns that were Fed by a belt of cartridges. The average plane held belts that were 27 feet (9 yards) long. If the pilot used up all his ammo he was said to have given it the whole nine yards.
BUYING THE FARM
During WW1 soldiers were given life insurance policies worth $5,000. This was about the price of an average farm so if You died you "bought the farm" for your survivors.
IRON CLAD CONTRACT This came about from the ironclad ships of the Civil War. It meant something so strong it could not be broken.
PASSING THE BUCK / THE BUCK STOPS HERE Most men in the early west carried a jack knife made by the Buck knife company. When playing poker it was common to place one of these Buck knives in front of the dealer so that everyone knew who he was. When it was time for a new dealer the deck of cards and the Knife were given to the new dealer. If this person didn't want to deal he would "pass the buck" to the next player. If that player accepted then "the buck stopped there".
RIFF RAFF The Mississippi River was the main way of traveling from north to south. Riverboats carried passengers and freight but they were expensive so most people used rafts. Everything had the right of way over rafts which were considered cheap. The steering oar on the rafts was called a "riff" and this transposed into riff-raff, meaning low class.
COBWEB The Old English word for "spider" was "cob".
SHIP STATE ROOMS Traveling by steamboat was considered the height of comfort. Passenger cabins on the boats were not numbered. Instead they were named after states. To this day cabins on ships are called staterooms.
SLEEP TIGHT Early beds were made with a wooden frame. Ropes were tied across the frame in a criss-cross pattern. A Straw mattress was then put on top of the ropes. Over time the ropes stretched, causing the bed to sag. The owner would then tighten the ropes to get a better night's sleep.
SHOWBOAT These were floating theaters built on a barge that was pushed by a steamboat. These played small towns along the Mississippi River. Unlike the boat shown in the movie "Showboat" These did not have an engine. They were gaudy and attention grabbing which is why we say someone who is being the life of the party is showboating".
OVER A BARREL In the days before CPR a drowning victim would be placed Face down over a barrel and the barrel would be rolled back and forth in a effort to empty the lungs of water. It was rarely effective. If you are over a barrel you are in deep trouble.
BARGE IN Heavy freight was moved along the Mississippi in large barges pushed by steamboats. These were hard to control and would sometimes swing into piers or other boats. People would say they "barged in".
HOGWASH Steamboats carried both people and animals. Since pigs smelled so bad they would be washed before being put on board. The mud and other filth that was washed off was considered useless "hog wash".
CURFEW The word "curfew" comes from the French phrase "couvre-feu", which means "cover the fire". It was used to describe the time of blowing out all lamps and candles. It was later adopted into Middle English as "curfeu", which later became the modern "curfew". In the early American colonies homes had no real fireplaces so a fire was built in the center of the room. In order to make sure a fire did not get out of control during the night it was required that, by an agreed upon time, all fires would be covered with a clay pot called-a "curfew".
BARRELS OF OIL When the first oil wells were drilled they had made no Provision for storing the liquid so they used water barrels. That is why, to this day, we speak of barrels of oil rather than gallons.
HOT OFF THE PRESS As the paper goes through the rotary printing press friction causes it to heat up. Therefore, if you grab the paper right off the press It is hot. The expression means to get immediate Information
Miss Wilhemina Tell
Thanks to Francois P.
Photos Without Words
Thanks to Paula M.
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How Things Work
Thanks to Spike
How the Big Bird suit works:
How ice cream cones are made
How a beanstalk grows
How Wi-Fi is distributed inside an apartment
How camouflage gets on a helmet
Why Michael Jackson was able to defy gravity
What dogs do, when they drink water
How coins get sorted, inside a machine
The way braces change your teeth
How a trumpet makes that beautiful music
The way pretzels are tied
How peanut butter jars, are filled.
What happens when you put a key in a lock
How the filling gets into a Pop-Tart
What it looks like when you swallow
How hay bales get wrapped
How water affects light
How paper clips, turn into paper clips
The life of a dandelion
How flight patterns, change throughout the day
The human face, when it’s forming in the womb
Walking Boat
Thanks to Brian M.
Canine Heros
Thanks to Paula M.
Holiday Eating Tips
Thanks to David M.
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare... You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.
This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand
and wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
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