Sunday Family Humour 20th December Page 2

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

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17 Smilers

Thanks to David H.

1.  Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
 
2.  The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
 
3.  Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
 
4.  If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
 
5.  We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
 
6.  War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
 
7.  Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit . . . Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
 
8.  To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.  To steal from many is research.
 
9.  I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
 
10.  In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' I put 'DOCTOR'.
 
11.  Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
 
12.  You do not need a parachute to skydive.  You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
 
13.  I used to be indecisive.  Now I'm not so sure.
 
14.  To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
 
15.  Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a mechanic.
 
16.  You're never too old to learn something stupid.
 
17.  I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
 
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While We're here!!

Italian Auction

Thanks to Bill S.
Italian Auction - only 44 seconds !
You don't have to understand Italian to follow the auctioneer:

A Chinese Ming Vase is up for auction. The bidding opens at a half-million Euros.
Bidding is brisk and each bidder is clearly identified as each raises the bid by 100,000 Euros.
(The exchange rate at auction time was 1 Euro = $1.43.) Within seconds, the bid stalls at One million Euros, and the gasp from the crowd identifies the excitement that prevails in the room. The successful bidder is the last one who bid one million, and the auctioneer counts down the bid, Going once, going twice, and sold to the gentleman sitting in front of me for one million Euros."
  Now, you are going to have to see the video for yourself. The auctioneer is exuberant. The pace is fast. This is how an auction should be run. Please note the excitement on the auctioneer's face after the final bid.
 

Italian Auction


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Growing Old Photos

Thanks to Aly A.

Growing_Old_Absolutely_Stunning_Photos



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Fotos At The Right Moment

Thanks To Spike

Growing_Old_Absolutely_Stunning_Photos


Winerisms

Thanks to Spike
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Laos Plain Of Jars

Explore Laos' Plain of Jars with Drone Footage

Many parts of the 2,000-year-old-site are off-limits because of Vetnam-era cluster bombs

Northeast Laos is home to one of the world’s most wondrous archaeological sites: the Plain of Jars. The awe-inspiring site is littered with thousands of enormous 2,000-year-old stone jars nestled among unexploded Vietnam-era bombs. The site largely remained a mystery because of the challenge of working in such dangerous territory. But with the help of drones, archaeologists and curious civilians can now get a closer look.

Riddling the countryside, many of these bombs remain a threat more than 40 years after the United States dropped them across Laos. Not only do they pose a threat for Laotian farmers but the bombs have largely deterred archaeologists from studying the curious jugs. The Laotian government and Unesco have been working on safely clearing the bombs for years, but the care required makes it a slow process, Michele Lent Hirsch writes for Smithsonian.com.

The new footage explores just a few of the many clusters of these giant stone jars, which are scattered across the hills and valleys near the city of Phonsavan. People standing near the monuments give a sense of scale for the jugs, which can be up to 10 feet tall and weigh several tons. 

Paths cleared of bombs can be seen in the video, trailing alongside craters and trenches—remnants of past explosions. Yet the drone allows scientists to explore the jars off of this path, in regions not yet cleared of explosives, Hugh Morris writes for The Telegraph.

“De-mining activities still continue today, and in fact during one of the flights there was a team within earshot blowing up an uncovered bomb,” YouTube user seaarch, who uploaded the footage, writes in the video’s description.

There is much to learn about the massive jars. Most of them are unadorned, but a few feature carvings of human and animal figures, according to Unesco. Although similar megalithic structures have been discovered in parts of India, it’s still unclear what ancient civilization built the giant jars in Laos, Hirsch writes. 

There is also uncertainty as to their purpose. The few studies published suggest that they were used in funeral rites. Based on their enormous size and the discovery of human remains and burial artifacts inside some jars, it’s possible that they were used to store decomposing bodies.

Recently, Unesco classified the Plain of Jars as an "important but imperiled" site, tentatively listed for inclusion as a World Heritage Site, pending further removal of the abundant bombs.

Explore Laos' Plain of Jars with Drone Footage


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Old Man and a Bucket of Shrimp

Thanks to Bill S.

This is a wonderful story and it is true. 

It happened every Friday evening, almost without fail, when the sun resembled a giant orange and was starting to dip into the blue ocean.

Old Ed came strolling along the beach to his favorite pier.
Clutched in his bony hand was a bucket of shrimp. Ed walks out to the end of the pier, where it seems he almost has the world to himself. The glow of the sun is a golden bronze now.

Everybody's gone, except for a few joggers on the beach. Standing out on the end of the pier, Ed is alone with his thoughts...and his bucket of shrimp.

Before long, however, he is no longer alone. Up in the sky a thousand white dots come screeching and squawking, winging their way toward that lanky frame standing there on the end of the pier.

Before long, dozens of seagulls have enveloped him, their wings fluttering and flapping wildly. Ed stands there tossing shrimp to the hungry birds. As he does, if you listen closely, you can hear him say with a smile, 'Thank you. Thank you.'

In a few short minutes the bucket is empty. But Ed doesn't leave. He stands there lost in thought, as though transported to another time and place .

When he finally turns around and begins to walk back toward the beach, a few of the birds hop along the pier with him until he gets to the stairs, and then they, too, fly away. And old Ed quietly makes his way down to the end of the beach and on home.

If you were sitting there on the pier with your fishing line in the water, Ed might seem like 'a funny old duck,' as my dad used to say. Or, to onlookers, he's just another old codger, lost in his own weird world, feeding the seagulls with a bucket full of shrimp.

To the onlooker, rituals can look either very strange or very empty. They can seem altogether unimportant .....maybe even a lot of nonsense.

Old folks often do strange things, at least in the eyes of Boomers and Busters.

Most of them would probably write Old Ed off, down there in Florida ... That's too bad. They'd do well to know him better.

His full name: Eddie Rickenbacker. He was a famous hero in World War I, and then he was in WWII. On one of his flying missions across the Pacific, he and his seven-member crew went down. Miraculously, all of the men survived, crawled out of their plane, and climbed into a life raft.

Captain Rickenbacker and his crew floated for days on the rough waters of the Pacific. They fought the sun. They fought sharks. Most of all, they fought hunger and thirst. By the eighth day their rations ran out. No food. No water. They were hundreds of miles from land and no one knew where they were or even if they were alive.

Every day across America millions wondered and prayed that Eddie Rickenbacker might somehow be found alive.

The men adrift needed a miracle. That afternoon they had a simple devotional service and prayed for a miracle. 

They tried to nap. Eddie leaned back and pulled his military cap over his nose. Time dragged on. All he could hear was the slap of the waves against the raft...suddenly Eddie felt something land on the top of his cap. It was a seagull!

Old Ed would later describe how he sat perfectly still, planning his next move. With a flash of his hand and a squawk from the gull, he managed to grab it and wring its neck. He tore the feathers off, and he and his starving crew made a meal of it - a very slight meal for eight men. Then they used the intestines for bait. With it, they caught fish, which gave them food and more bait....and the cycle continued. With that simple survival technique, they were able to endure the rigors of the sea until they were found and rescued after 24 days at sea.

Eddie Rickenbacker lived many years beyond that ordeal, but he never forgot the sacrifice of that first life-saving seagull... And he never stopped saying, 'Thank you.' That's why almost every Friday night he would walk to the end of the pier with a bucket full of shrimp and a heart full of gratitude.

Reference: (Max Lucado, "In The Eye of the Storm", pp...221, 225-226)

PS: Eddie Rickenbacker was the founder of Eastern Airlines. Before WWI he was race car driver. In WWI he was a pilot and became America's first ace. In WWII he was an instructor and military adviser, and he flew missions with the combat pilots. Eddie Rickenbacker is a true American hero. And now you know another story about the trials and sacrifices that brave men have endured for your freedom.

As you can see, I chose to pass it on. It is a great story that many don't know...You've got to be careful with old guys, you just never know what they have done during their lifetime.

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