Amusing Nautical Terms

Aboard – A piece of lumber that may be used to repair your boat.

Aft – Acronym for Automatic Flotation Thing. The Coast Guard requires that you have a personal flotation device for each member on board; these are the ones that are *supposed* to inflate automatically when you hit the water (and you will) to prevent drowning.

Adrift – A method of moving across the water when nothing on your boat works. You normally do not have a lot of input as to where you are actually going, but you can get there.

Anchor – A mechanical device that is supposed to keep the boat in one place (see dragging). These devices are sometimes used to submerge expensive anchor lines and chain when used without proper termination at both ends of the anchor line.

Astern – A type of look. Your spouse gives you astern look when you attempt to buy things for your new boat.

Bilge – This is a storage area in the bottom of the boat for all the things you dropped and can not find. Also a mixing area for water, fuel and head output; making retrieval of said dropped items a real adventure.

Bilge pump – An electrical device designed to remove the charge from your batteries. These devices only operate properly when the boat is not taking on water.

Bow – This is what you do in front of your banker when you are asking for more money to spend on your boat. As your boat will surely cost much more than what you initially asked for, it is imperative that you learn how to do this quickly.

Bridge – Something you cross to get to the other side of a body of water when you do not have a boat available. Can also used for removing masts of sailing vessels if the bridge is low enough.

Buoy – A navigational aid indicating there is something worth noting somewhere close to the location of the buoy, possibly to one side or the other or below it.

Capsize – They ask you this when you go to buy a hat or baseball cap.

Chart – The nautical equivalent of a road map. One must use charts instead of road maps because road maps usually only show roads and there are usually none of those in the water and besides you couldn’t drive your boat on one anyway unless you had it on a trailer in which case you would need a road map instead of a chart.

Cleat – A template used to practice knot tying that allows knots to easily slip off.

Cockpit – An area of a sailboat in which people sit in order to get wet.

Compass – A navigational aid that accurately points to the largest metal object on your boat.