Everyone Gets their Own LIFE

Post date: Sep 02, 2012 4:33:22 PM

This was a letter/eMail that I sent to a girlfriend - who's brother would be leaving for Heaven soon.

I know this is a very heavy time.

but it is an important time.

when ever my Aunt Alice or Pete's Mum (like the flower) didn't do, act, react, etc. the way "I" thought they should

it would feel heavy - like it took so much effort to just move.

I would take a deep breath and say, "Everyone gets their own life."

I get mine, you get yours, Aunt Alice had hers.

It is ours to do with - the way we want - at that time.

No one else gets it. It is ours alone.

This one is Jays. It is the only one he gets.

It is the one last thing - each of us will have.

Some people like my Aunt Bernadette & Cousin Barbara - planned everything. From the songs everyone would sing at the church ceremony (I kid you not!). Cousin Barbara had Bag-Pipes playing "When the Saints go Marching In" and the family held hands and marched in singing at the top of our lungs with tears streaming down - because that is what she said she wanted. Aunt Bernadette had a cigarette between her fingers (open casket) several packs with her in the coffin, along with Irish whiskey and her rosaries, open casket all the way!

Although Aunt Alice & Pete's Mum (like the flower) were good practice - each person is different. My Mother will be probably more like your Jay. She can not plan, it is NOT in her nature - she does NOT want to discuss it. And although WE want to discuss it - it will have to be without HER.

Sometimes she cries, and sometimes she acts as if nothing is wrong, and sometimes she is anxious. But that is hers. I can only listen and love. Although I can clean the house, and make meals, and modify, modify, modify - these are just things to "keep me busy" and out of her hair, so she can live her life.

But back to the love.

when I had to get ready for Pete's Mum going to heaven

I had already lived through Aunt Alice, Aunt Bernadette and Cousin Barbara (Bernie & Barbara I lived through my cousin Donna - because she was in charge of them).

I realized that it would be different - that is when I really appreciated that everyone's lives are different, and their own.

The coping tools need to expand, MY coping tools needed to expand.

I really read this poem (and modified it slightly) - I read it several times a day. Love is patient, Love is kind.

Corinthians 13 defines the attributes of Love.

Love is patient,

love is kind.

It does not envy,

it does not boast,

it is not proud.

It is not rude,

it is not self-seeking,

it is not easily angered,

it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil

but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects,

always trusts,

always hopes,

always perseveres.

Love never fails".

What this means to me is:

That if I love, if I really love - I can't fail.

Sometimes we are so caught up in "Doing the right thing", "Being there", "Making it right", "Being Perfect", etc. etc.

that we forget the greatest thing is to love.

If all I concentrated on was loving Mum(like the flower) - I could not fail.

If loving her was the #1 thing - than WHATEVER I did, what ever happened, how ever it happened, it would be the right thing.

It made a BIG difference inside me.

It gave me something to do that I could NOT fail at.

I would just love her,

and that gave me the courage I needed,

it gave me the strength I needed,

to do what ever I needed,

and to accept what ever happened,

however it happened,

when ever it happened.

I felt lighter - not like a feather in Forest Gump ...

but light enough that I could move,

with enough courage and belief that I could move,

and strong enough to move,

with enough stamina that I could do all the things ...

that will need to be done ...

after Mum left for heaven.

Every time I got scared - I read the poem

and I felt stronger

strong enough to LET ... Mum have her own life

and not be scared to let her have it, in peace.

Now the tears still flow every time I share how I gained my strength

but I know in my heart

that even though I didn't do everything perfectly

that I loved Pete's Mum - and that was the most important thing.

to let everything else go

and to just love her

and let her have her life.

I am attaching the wording I liked - make it your own, for you and your family.

I have them all over, framed on different colored paper, etc.

Print out copies, put them in your pocket, in your car, in the laundry room.

Where ever you need them. If you need more - I'll send more. LOL

xoxoxo

JilMac

xoxoxo