Locker Room Etiquette

Even though I know that no one reads this blog but me, I apologize if this post is somehow too gross. However, I’ve been going to the gym regularly for decades and there are things that happen in the men’s locker room that really annoy me. Here is my list of things that guys shouldn’t do in the locker room.

1.    Walk around with your tackle hanging out. Especially if you’re old and have serious droopy stuff. Wrap a towel around yourself or at least hold it up front (although no one wants to see that from the back either). And please don’t stop and feel the need to have a conversation while your package dries off.

2.     Sit bare-assed on the bench or in the steam room or in the sauna. Man, that’s nasty. That’s why they give us those free towels. Use them!

3.      Speaking of those free towels…I never use them and bring my own. Why? Because I’ve seen what you guys do with those towels. Nuff said.

4.      Personal grooming. Stop cutting your toe nails in the locker room. No one wants to step on that mess. I’m getting sick just typing this.

5.      Don’t leave your workout clothes in the locker for weeks. Sometimes I walk past people or lockers and you can tell that the clothes are never making it to the washing machine. Just because you let it dry out doesn’t mean it doesn’t stink like death. And then you wear them again without cleaning?

6.      Not wearing shower shoes. Ever wonder why the guy in the locker next to you keeps spraying foot fungus stuff on his toes? It’s because everyone is walking around barefooted. And then you put your feet up on the bench?

7.      Not giving enough personal space. I’ve had good and bad neighbors over the years. Bad neighbors put their sweaty crap all over the bench and leave no room for you to even get to your locker. Good neighbors share the space and put stuff underneath the bench or back in the locker.

8.      Mirror flexing. Stop flexing your pecs, delts, abs in the mirror so that no one can get around you. Plus, you look like crap just like the rest of us. As soon as you stop holding your gut in, it’s going to sag right back out there.

9.      Talking while you’re taking a poop. It can wait.