Close Call

In December of 2016, I went to a Christmas party that was being hosted by a colleague in another department at the University of Oklahoma. Things were proceeding as they do at most faculty parties...boring. The host had a fountain that poured chocolate to which one could use a long toothpick to dip a piece of banana, marshmallows or other goodies. I was watching this thing with amazement when an elderly gentleman strolled up to it for a snack.

After getting a bite, I noticed that he seemed unable to let go of the toothpick. A simple enough task. He then started to teeter back and forth. I was sure that he was on his way out and would fall over. Both directions would have been bad. Had he fallen forward, he would have ended up in the melted chocolate with all types of burns from the fountain. Had he fallen backwards, he would have cracked his head, for sure, on the tile floor. 

I ran up and grabbed him from behind. You should know that this is not typical behavior for me. I'm no hero. Mostly, I try to leave people alone and hope for the same. So when I grabbed this guy, I felt really weird holding this guy who had not requested assistance. Others around looked on but no one helped. I asked him if he were okay and he said that he was a bit weak but fine.

By the time he got the word "fine" out of his mouth, he passed out. Amazingly, he was only out for a second or two. He came around and looked up wondering why this guy was hugging him from behind. Once again he insisted that he was okay. At this point I was tempted to let him go but then his legs went out. I was fully holding him up at this point. Even though I was the only thing keeping him from slumping down on the floor, he kept saying he was okay. Interesting since he couldn't stand or move his arms or legs. He was as limp as a noodle and only his mouth seemed to be working. I was sure he was having a stroke.

I did what is called a "fireman dummy drag" to get him over to a nearby sofa. He wasn't terribly heavy but awkward to hold. The only way I could get him on the sofa was to turn around and sit down with him sitting on my lap. This was not a flattering look. The other interesting thing about this entire event was that people just panicked. There were maybe 10 people near the front of the house where all of this was going on and all they could do was scream and wave their hands. The only two semi-calm people seemed to be me and the guy. I was able to get him rolled over and laid out on the sofa with his feet up. 

At one point while this guy is on top of me, a lady calls out "is there a doctor here?" Of course 50 people look up. Damn near every person in the place has a doctorate. I could have slapped that lady. We needed an MD. Well, someone called 911 and paramedics came to help him out. They did take him to the hospital but he didn't have to stay too long. Once they took him away, I left the party. Nothing worse than saving a guy to kill my party spirit.

I did get a call from the host the next day. Apparently, the older guy was 79 years old and had failed to eat properly. It was low blood sugar that caused him to pass out. So things worked out well.  

I never did get to try that chocolate fountain thing.