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And here we are, the best week of the year. In the past, this week has featured characters from The Office, Seinfeld and movies, Browns' first round picks, and shit from the 90's. This year's winner is..............Characters from SNL. I think I've had to spend the most time of any week ever researching and watching SNL clips and trying to pin them to a specific team. It wasn't easy and I almost gave up and went another way, but I've put together something I hope you all enjoy. Chris Farley dominates. I would love to put in a quality youtube clip for each of these but NBC has that shit on lock down. So I've attached a youtube clip and a high quality link. In no particular order....
Farber - Lonely Island, "Jizz in My Pants" - If you don't know the song its about a couple of guys who literally jizz in their pants due to random things or small interactions with girls. "Some would say that's a plus." You never know when they'll go off, like Farber's team. Some weeks Farber will just explode and make a mess of the rest of us. Devin Gardner's 58 point game would make Andy Sandberg's face do that. Sorry Farber, I realize last year your team was an unwarranted erection from the 90's. I'm not making any insinuations.
Knipp - Chris Farley, Any Skit - I can't remember seeing a Chris Farley skit and not thinking it was funny. From Chippendales to Matt Foley to Cafeteria Lady to one of the Gap girls; it's all good. And this was Knipp for the first 8 weeks of the season. Life was good until, like Farley, you became your own worst enemy. Making that trade for Cook two weeks ago, instead of last week would have elevated your position from last to fourth. And then came the Treyvon Green drop; not as detrimental position wise but still a big hit. Let's hope your team doesn't end the season the way Farley went out. You should hope to enjoy clips like this all season:
http://screen.yahoo.com/down-river-000000356.html
Luke - Pat or The Ambiguously Duo - Let's stick with the latter for comedic effect. Just like you're not sure about the sexual orientation of Ace and Gary (actually Stephen Colbert and Steve Carell) you're really not sure what to expect out of this team. They're fighting crime and they're tough guys but they're also grabbing each other's asses and riding each other. Besides Abdullah there's really no straight and steady player on this team. You got Nelson and Colter fondling each other and neither is sure if they are supposed to be any good or not.
http://screen.yahoo.com/ambiguously-gay-duo-fortress-privacy-000000518.html
Haines - "Jeffrey's" - There's no particular character in the skit that reminds me of Haines' team, the skit in general is like his team. The skit itself is not great but there are a couple of moments that are great. This team is viable only because of a couple of key players. The ten seconds of Will Ferrell are gold, especially when he pulls out his cell phone and says "Ok you guys....hold on." That is the Allen Robinson of that skit. The Horatio Sanz "teeercellll" comment is the Ohio State of the skit. And of course Jimmy Fallon is Akeel Lynch. No youtube clip so enjoy the link.
http://screen.yahoo.com/jeffreys-1-000000370.html
Seth - Chris Farley, Bennett Brauer, "Weekend Update" - I could have gone with Kristen Wiig in any skit she's ever done because she is just terrible, but I decided to show a clip someone would want to see. Bennett Brauer is simply the biggest loser you could ever imagine. Seth's team is just as loser-ish. Just like Bennett isn't "the norm," Seth's team doesn't "have a chance at winning any week," because he "doesn't know how that works." I don't think I've ever since so many zero's in a season. But as long as John Q. Fantasy player keeps the league going, Seth will be in there swinging and hope for some players who "actually play in a game" and "aren't injured every week."
Heydinger - Peyton Manning, "United Way Commercial" - In this skit Peyton Manning is playing football with a bunch of little kids and becomes very frustrated by the lack of skills the kids possess. He's a Hall of Fame QB playing with a bunch of kids and is expecting Hall of Fame results out of them. Heydinger is generally regarded as a good fantasy owner, but this year his team might as well be a bunch of children. He frequently vents his frustrations with his team like he just did with me on the phone about 5 minutes ago. No matter how hard he tries and yells at his team, they still won't be any good. He started the season with high ambitions that quickly turned to disappointment. The youtube video is garbage...
http://screen.yahoo.com/snl-digital-short-united-way-000000258.html
Jake - Chris Farley, "Schillervision Hidden Camera Commercials" - Also known as the coffee skit. One thing about my team makes me a force to be reckoned with; that being Braxton Miller. Just look at my weekly scores and its easy to tell when he's played in a game. In this skit one thing sets Chris Farley off and turns him into a beast. That being realizing he is actually drinking Columbian coffee crystals. On weeks when Miller doesn't play I pretty much do the same thing while yelling at the rest of the members of my team. Kirkwood is the lady who gets two pies in the face.
http://screen.yahoo.com/schillervision-hidden-camera-commercials-000000545.html
Schumann - Will Ferrell, Dad from "Family Dinner" - If you're not familiar with the skit, Will Ferrell sits down to dinner with his wife and daughter and its pretty clear the family just doesn't get along very well. Long moments of silence are interrupted by spats of arguments. The dad has a nice middle class life but doesn't have a lot to brag about. During his arguments he makes it clear what he's proud of: "I am a division manager," and "I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS." Well this Schumann's team. It's a viable, ok team but even the best parts of it aren't that impressive. I can picture Schumann sitting down to dinner with Amanda and suddenly yelling, "I drafted James White," and "I INVENTED THE BIZARRO STANDINGS." Just like the family doesn't care about the Dad's Dodge Stratus, I'm not sure anyone really cares about the Bizarro standings. As I am doing this Ellyn keeps interrupting me so I got to say, "I would love to finish one damn story."
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