Staff Unmasked

17/7/04 from David Wilson

Teechas.

Although we mocked most of them, I can't recall any general hatred to any individual.  The sometimes brutal disciplinarian structure was relieved through practical jokes, usually poking fun at the attributes of the unfortunate staff.  

Or we would brutally ape how the teacher talked: Pueetah Riiiiigg. Peter Rigg the disciplinarian. He would send Johnny Machon to the Heputy Dead to be punished for refusing to not wear his trademark black socks.  

Ezra Goldstein attracted particular attention:  "Doan talk to me today, boys. I feel sack." (Drops his head into his hands on the desk and stayed that way for 40 minutes). "Out! Out! Out in ze corridor! I'll belt you six beaudies. Immediately. At the end of ze period." "You stick your finger up your nose and it will bore right through to your brain". "You wanna become a pick and shovel artist?" "You ought to be a policeman, David".  Mr Goldstein's catchcry of "who fouled ze atmosphere" was about all I can remember of French classes. Who is ze pig? [holds his nose] [opens a window]. One day he came into class and we were all squashed to the back. I think he chose to ignore us and held the lesson anyway.The next day he came in and we were all seated facing the back wall. "Orright, boys. V-e-r-y  f-u-n-n-y. [grimace]. You've had your little joke". Casper Ozinga adds: My memory of Goldie, is how his rear shook from side to side when he was using the black board. Also he was a great one for acronyms (or similar)  eg ABHSNPA which was the Asquith Boys High School Nose Pickers Association and  ABHSANPA which was the.....Anti Nose Pickers Association. Still, my one year of French, has held me in good stead over the years.

Miss Dear. Oh dear. Miss Dear became Mrs Spring. Then she was sprung and became very pregnant. Much to the goggling eyes of her prepubescent charges. She was scared of mice. David Carver, I think, hid in the cupboard under the teachers desk in the new E block, and after a suitable interval reached out and grabbed her ankle. She screamed and fled. I think he got 6.  

Mr Wall. The ancient lord of the science lab. Can't remember much, except how droll he was, mercury freely rolling about the black desktop, fierce rules, rotten egg gas (wasn't there also a Mr Pugh?) and learning how to draw a pretty cool bunsen burner under a beaker in my science exercise book. A nasty caner. A long walk from the lab to the Science staff room to get the cuts, I recall. 

Who was it that taught us Latin declensions by making us sing them? Amo amas amat, amatus amantus amant, we'd all joyfully warble in 1A. "Yesterday good tables" became a dirty joke: "here bone mensas" (hairy boney mens arse ....) Although it is a dead language, I'm glad I studied it - many English word roots are Latin derived. 

Michael Bell, Graham Simmons and Alex Wardrop always came top of the class. Conches! But did we ever really begrudge them? I remember urging them to go on BP Pick-a-Box with Bob (and Dolly) Dyer to challenge the incumbent champion Barry Jones.  

Greg Hancock. One cool dude. Married the Minister for Education's daughter, I understand? Drove a VW and sometimes a load of us to the Blue Gum. Remembered by me when entertaining Myall House on wet sport days with tall tales such as "plumbers mark the position of wash basins at piss height." What trivia we remember!  

Mrs Timmonds. Now there was one sassy lady who knew her stuff and how to handle a class of 40 larrikin boys. No doubt she'd get home and pour herself a strong scotch and soda. I wouldn't have been surprised to see her at the front of the womens lib demos that were starting up at about that time.  

Mrs Evers the music teacher. She drove a Humber? I think she had a crush on me (!) That's the only reason why I could explain why she would automatically put me on "corridor detention" at the beginning of each Friday afternoon class. Mr Holme would routinely find me thus (he would do the rounds and cane anyone sent out) and take me back to his office and lecture me on the importance of leadership by example. Yeah right.  All the musical equipment Mrs Evers seemed to have was a decrepit portable record player. She seemed to like playing us Moonlight Sonata, Peter and the Wolf, Carnival of the Animals, etc while we giggled to someone farting. I think she might have had a nervous breakdown. God, we were a terrible and an unappreciative lot. 

The table below was constructed based on the various staff photos we have.  Please help to correct errors or to fill in the gaps. 

We need first names (it's funny how we weren't that interested in first names then - but now we are needing them to check obituaries ....)  And we need the subjects they taught.