Litmus

You know you are a liberal if:

(1) You say we should not be judgmental, but you judge and condemn sexists, racists, "homophobes," et al.

Or (2) you say we cannot legislate morality, but you push for laws that legislate your morals or values (by outlawing "hate crimes" and "racist" behavior, for example).

Or (3) you condemn sexism, but allow sexist abortions. (Many unborn female babies are aborted because in some cultures females are deemed inferior to males.)

Or (4) you condemn racism, but allow racist abortions. (A white woman impregnated by a black paramour can choose to abort a black fetus.)

Or (5) you condemn discrimination against the handicapped, but allow somewhat physically-compromised unborn babies to be aborted.

Or (6) you condemn so-called homophobia, but would allow "homophobic abortions." (If we ever find a "homosexual gene," liberals would allow the abortions of fetuses carrying that gene.)

Or (7) you believe in abortion-on-demand, but you also believe in "animal rights."

Or (8) you believe in punishing a pregnant woman who damages her unborn baby by taking illegal drugs, but you do not believe in punishing her for killing her unborn baby (via abortion).

Or (9) you condemn mean-spirited and hateful name-calling (e.g., queer), then engage in mean-spirited and hateful name-calling (e.g., labeling certain conservatives bigots, Neanderthals, "homophobes," etc.).

Or (10) you believe that we should not try to change homosexuals because (according to you) they are born that way, but that we should try to change the typically boisterous behavior of boys with drugs (e.g., Ritalin) and psycho-social conditioning---should try to tame or feminize them---despite the fact that boys are born to be more boisterous than girls.

Or (11) you believe in restricting the rights of people who smoke tobacco (because of the unhealthy aspects of second-hand smoke), but you do not believe in restricting the rights of people who spread AIDS, gonorrhea, herpes, chlamydia, syphilis, hepatitis-B, amoebiasis, giardiasis, and other such STDs.

Or (12) you condemn flying the Confederate flag because millions of black people might be offended by it, but you condone protesters burning the Stars and Stripes even though such desecration offends millions of American patriots.

Or (13) you condemn conservatives for practicing the "politics of division," but you help create deep divisions in society by pushing various emotional issues (abortion, gun control, homosexuality, etc.) while simultaneously dividing the populace into different groups (blacks, Hispanics, feminists, et al.) so that liberal politicians can attempt to buy their votes with programs like affirmative action.

Or (14) you speak highly of "thinking people" and intellectual life, while defending the dumbing-down of the schools and defending value judgments based on "feelings" rather than rationality. (Indeed, you may even hold, as liberal postmodern theory does, that truth is only a social construct and cannot be ascertained.)

Or (15) you believe a "Straight Pride" T-shirt is insensitive and offensive, but a "Gay Pride" T-shirt is not.

Or (16) you believe universities should grant racial preferences in admissions to African-Americans because of past discrimination, but you do not believe in granting such racial preferences to Asian-Americans even though they have also been called derogatory names and discriminated against for many years.

Or (17) you believe all-black college dorms are "progressive," but all-white ones are racist; and you similarly believe that separate graduation ceremonies for blacks (or Hispanics or homosexuals et al.) are "progressive," but that separate graduation ceremonies for whites (or heterosexuals) are outrageously wrong.

Or (18) you believe it is wrong for non-Native American schools to use Native American images and terms as their icons for their sports teams, but it is okay for Native American schools to use them. (Presumably only native Americans are permitted to honor Native Americans.)

Or (19) you condemn Pope Pius XII as anti-Semitic for not opposing Nazism more than he did, but you do not condemn "progressives" like W.E.B. DuBois and Margaret Sanger even though they actually evinced some enthusiasm for Nazism.

Or (20) you do not believe in the death penalty, but you do believe in abortion-on-demand and partial-birth abortion.

If you've passed this liberal litmus test (and for the typical liberal a passing grade can be achieved simply by showing up and taking the test), you can raise your head high in the knowledge that your level of hypocrisy has only been reached by a relatively elite few. Verily, you are in exclusive and elite company (even though you may disdain exclusiveness and elitism).