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January 20, 2015
The pursuit of happiness—we consider this a fundamental human right, but few people seem to be very successful in that pursuit. Most people hide their unhappiness to some degree, but if you look you’ll see that humanity is plagued with cynicism, anger, bitterness, resentment, fear, depression, and many more negative emotions and attitudes that rob us of happiness, joy, peace, love and other positive emotions. Some people will struggle more than others to find happiness due to genetically programmed differences in their brains or body chemistry, emotional scares from their childhood, etc., but everyone can improve their happiness by changing certain habits. I call these habits “realistic optimism” because they are a form of optimism that deals with the ugly realities of life without missing the blessings. Many of these habits are found in scripture so I’ll list some Bible references where I’m aware of them.
Be brave. (Deut 6:13; 31:6; Josh 1:9; 1 Chron 22:13; Matt 6:25-34; 1 Cor 16:13) It’s impossible to be happy when you’re afraid. There are things in this life that can hurt us. It’s wise to consider those things and take steps to reduce our risk of suffering from them. Once that is done nothing is gained by continuing in fear or worry. Put worries and fears to the back of your mind and focus on doing good. This attitude makes your life more enjoyable while improving the world for others too.
Forgive. (Matthew 6:14-15) Unforgiveness only hurts you. When you forgive others it pleases your creator and it releases you from bitterness, resentment, and other negative feelings that destroy your joy.
Be thankful. (1 Thes 5:18) When we deliberately look for things in our lives to be grateful for instead of taking them for granted we feel better. People who make this attitude of gratitude a habit become effortlessly happier.
Rejoice! (1 Thes 5:16) Celebrate good things. Have parties to recognize achievements, milestones, special events. Join with anyone willing to celebrate with you. I’m not talking about getting wild and foolish. Make a habit of celebrating and honoring anything that’s good and praiseworthy—holidays, graduations, weddings, birthdays, achievements like making Eagle Scout, etc.
Make a habit of looking for good first (Philippians 4:8) before seeing something to complain about, criticize, or fear. This simple habit of focusing on good things first is a powerful tonic for happiness. It’s not blind optimism that denies reality. It’s simply prioritizing—focusing on real things that bring positive results before negative things that wear us down. Start positive, and after a realistic assessment of unpleasant things always return to dwelling on the positive.
Be slow to anger. (James 1:19) I believe our quick tempers rob us of more happiness than anything else. I’m not just referring to people who fly into a rage easily; our tendency to become annoyed and frustrated over everyday things robs us of the joy of life. Anger not only steals your happiness, but it robs a little from everyone around you.
Save anger for fight time. (Ecc 3:1, 8) Physiologically, emotionally, and mentally, anger prepares us for violence. Fighting is usually a bad thing to be avoided (Romans 12:18), but occasionally we will be called to stand and fight for what is right, to defend the weak and oppose oppressors. (Psalm 82:3-4) Hold your anger for such times when violence is necessary.
Mourn at the appropriate time and place. (Ecc 3:4) We shouldn’t always be happy. When loved ones suffer or die it’s appropriate and healthy to mourn. Giving in to sorrow when something tragic happens is healthy and leads us to greater peace and joy when the time of sorrow passes.
Vent when you can. We all experience emotional stress in dealing with challenges of life. Sometimes we need to hold back emotions that aren’t appropriate for the situation. (Teachers frustrated with defiant students, parents frustrated with disobedient children, workers annoyed with their supervisors, etc.) It’s not healthy to keep negative emotions bottled up. Everyone needs a trusted friend to vent their complaints with. Speak them out loud with all the emotion you feel behind them, but even in venting try to balance the bad with some good. Refuse to give in to emotions that tell you everything is bad. Then do something strenuous. Hard physical work or exercise can help burn off the physiological effects of stress.
Exercise and work hard. Not only does occasional strenuous physical activity relieve stress, on a regular basis they improve our physical and psychological health enabling us to enjoy life more. (Ecc 5:18; 1 Tim 4:8)
Make and maintain friendships. Good interactions with people improve how we feel about ourselves and our lives. (Ecc 4:9-12)
Never give up. You may feel your efforts to be happy are fruitless, but it’s worth continuing the endeavor. You may never reach the ideal state of happiness you long for, but perseverance will bring you closer than surrendering to misery.
Know your creator. (Neh 8:10; Rom 15:13) Many people find hope, peace, joy and strength in personal interaction with the creator of the universe. Makes sense, but it’s not always easy.
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