August 12, 2015
Extreme standards of sexual morality are harmful to a society of people. On one extreme you can have the oppressive suppression of all sexual expression and on the other extreme there’s the anything goes free for all, if it feels good do it, anarchy. Somewhere between these extremes exists a range of healthy sexual morality that’s good for human society.
I believe our western culture had a pretty good balance in the mid-20th century, but by the end of the century we’d slipped too far to the tolerant extreme. Now, in the 21st century, we are falling further and further into the hedonistic, pleasure seeking extremes that come with the lack of restraint provided by limits on what society considers morally acceptable sexual behavior.
I’m not saying they didn’t have problems 70 years ago. There will always be difficulties in any society related to sexual morality. I simply feel that 70 years ago our society had a healthier balance. We have been on a continuous slide away from controlling taboos throughout my lifetime and we’re suffering as a society from destructive behaviors (sex slavery, rape, sexual coercion, pedophilia, sexuality peer pressure, broken marriages, etc.) that are no longer restrained by our culture as tightly as they need to be. Here are a few ideas that I think would help turn us back to a healthier balance.
- Regulate pornography tighter. We all hate government controls of the internet, but it’s necessary. We already do it for child pornography. We just need to set the bar higher because adult pornography harms our children when they have access to it. The easy access to pornography by children is damaging their perceptions of sexuality during their developing years in ways that leads to child on child sexual harassment and abuse. They are growing up scared and wounded from a very young age.
- Make pornography dirty again. Personally, I think we’d be better off if all porn was outlawed, but that’s not practical. We as a society need to become less tolerant of photography and videos depicting sex acts and nudity, giving it the negative stigma that will force it to be hidden and avoided as it should be, empowering teens to say “no way” when someone pressures them for nude photos. Nude sensuality has its place in art, but even that should be for adults and treated with mild embarrassment.
- Value life-long marriage more. We’ve accepted divorce as a norm in our society. We don’t acknowledge how damaging broken marriages are to children or how serious the wounds are to adults. We try to convince ourselves that single parents, split parenting arrangements, multiple step-parents, grandparents raising kids, etc., can all raise kids just as well as traditional families. A home with a mom and dad devoted to life-long love is the best environment for raising children. We should respect non-traditional families because they can still raise kids well with positive community support, but we as a society need to ramp up our admiration of traditional marriage, encouraging couples to fight for life-long love.
- Respect people with restrictive moral values. Possibly the most dangerous trend in modern culture is intolerance of traditional sexual morality. Anytime someone speaks out that something our modern culture is embracing is wrong they are labeled hypocrites, haters, bigots, etc. This attitude of intolerance toward sexual morality standards is pushing us dangerously close to the anything goes anarchy extreme. We need to seek a balance that respects both sides.
- Value Abstinence. We need to encourage our teens to practice abstinence and young adults to save something for marriage. Many people seem to think this is a losing battle so there’s no point in trying—it only makes kids feel guilty and ashamed over their sexuality. I’m no sociology expert, but from what I’m observing sexual shame and bullying are rampant among our teens, far worse than a few decades ago. Students are shamed for not giving in, but then they are shamed when they give in. It’s a darned if you do, darned if you don’t culture. I feel that restoring a sense of pride in moral sexual restraint will help curb this corrosive atmosphere in our youth culture.
- Respect sexual orientation without elevating it. Homosexuality should be protected from harassment, but not reasonable discrimination. People should have a right to believe it’s immoral and to act appropriately on those beliefs. Appropriate action might be refusing service if a certain level of personal connection is involved such as making wedding cakes, photography, massage therapy, etc.
- Don’t make gender issues a societal burden. Transgender people bear the burden of their choice to change gender. If someone’s uncomfortable being in the restroom with them because they know their genetic gender or they are dressed to look like the opposite sex of the rest room they want to use, etc., it’s the responsibility of the transgender person to do all they reasonably can to avoid making others feel violated or threatened. Both sides need to be reasonable.
- We need more sexual taboos. Sexuality should be a topic discussed privately in homes, clinics, counseling offices, etc. When newspapers or magazines want to give it front page headlines, we should be embarrassed, not rushing to buy it. (Such a cultural change might put some tabloids out of business!) When people want to “come out of the closet” and advertise their sexual preferences or practices they should experience some mild shunning. Sexuality should be a private matter that we respect by not asking questions, or making assumptions, or advertising. I’m not targeting LGBTQ people here. I’m talking about all sexual orientations. Even heterosexual couples should keep what they do in the bedroom private, only sharing it with doctors, counselors, or close trusted friends.
You might notice that I’m not suggesting a swing back to puritan intolerance. These are changes that I think would turn us toward a healthier balance than where we’re headed right now as a society.