In my understanding, a panic disorder is characterized by a loss of control in various aspects, including emotional, psychological, or even physical control. It is driven by fear related to an event that is occurring or anticipated to happen differently from expectations, leading to a sense of imminent perceived danger.
My panic disorder only gets triggered when I am under extreme levels of stress and see no escape. The feeling of being cornered triggers my panic disorder, which drops my physical restraint, believing that punching my way through is the only way out. I will even attack allies if they stand in my route of escape and do not step aside after one last final warning from me.
Alongside my physical unrestrainedness, I am also being overwhelmed by emotions that run incredibly deep and are attached to traumas I have experienced in the past and have not been healed (yet). I am unsure if I can call it lucky, but being in this state of panic disorder, I can't sustain it for long until my body shuts itself off, just like the Microsoft shutdown sound.
I am uncertain about the specific problems that can be directly attributed to my panic disorder. From my understanding, it manifests as a temporary, extreme state of being that is triggered only during moments of exceptionally high stress when there seems to be no means of escape. Both factors of extreme stress and the absence of an escape route must be present for my panic disorder to be activated. However, when it does occur, it is characterized by intense, violent emotions and actions that exert a significant toll on all those involved, with myself being the primary victim.
Similar to anxiety disorders, I struggle to find any inherent benefits or usefulness in having a panic disorder. The experience of living with a panic disorder can be overwhelming and disruptive to one's daily life. It is understandable that you desire treatment for your panic disorder, as living in harmony with such a condition can be challenging and hinder your overall well-being.