A state of being with plenty of unprocessed anger and disappointment that only can be healed by proper acknowledgment as well as fixing all the wrongdoings that led up to the bitterness.
My bitterness stems from this entire website, especially the "my suffering" section, which serves as a real-time testimony of numerous unresolved and unjustly treated situations. These experiences have caused me immeasurable grief and suffering. What particularly infuriates me is the utter failure and denial of healthcare assistance to address and, ideally, prevent such situations from occurring in the first place.
I firmly believe that over 95% of my pain and suffering could have been avoided with proper intervention. Unfortunately, no adequate support ever materialized. It is a profoundly surreal feeling to harbor such deep resentment towards a system that was originally designed to aid individuals like myself. The extent of the damage inflicted upon me is immense, resulting in the loss of several abilities and the onset of multiple permanent problems.
A big source of my anger comes from the fact that the Dutch government has failed me on so many levels. Failed (or abandoned) healthcare and became a victim of their actions, for which I am not being compensated for the harm done to me in court. In fact, I am more commonly considered a perpetrator than a victim.
All of this proves to me that the government is not for people like me. If you have a handicap, if you have a personal injury, if you are poor because of this, you are being abandoned by a government in a welfare state.
Because of all the pain that has been caused to me, I take protective measures, which pretty much eliminates any cooperation with me. The only way I'll open up again is if the wrongs are righted, not just in words, but in physical assets.
The consistent failures and disappointments from both individuals and systems have deeply ingrained in me a profound sense of disillusionment and mistrust. Throughout my life, I have been let down when I needed support the most.
As a result, I have developed grudges and blacklists that consist of actions I consider unforgivable. The loss of trust in humanity has significantly impacted my perception and tone. I no longer possess neutrality in my interactions. I categorize individuals as either friends or enemies, with enemies having the opportunity to prove themselves otherwise only by demonstrating that they are not against me.
The only way someone can convince me that they are not my enemy is by providing tangible results. This could involve doing something for me, contributing financially, or granting me access to certain resources. Without anything concrete to show, I perceive individuals as dishonest and consequently view them as adversaries.
I identified one of the sources of my bitterness: disappointments in humanity often stem from inadequate record-keeping and unverifiable agreements made by involved parties. To shield myself from such human failures in the future, I insist that all communication with individuals I consider adversaries must be in written form, without exception. Those who resist will be compelled to document their interactions or be branded as deceivers and foes, prompting them to seek other willing correspondents. Should cooperation continue to be elusive, I will meticulously report the matter to the relevant authorities, anticipating severe repercussions and penalties for all responsible parties, leaving none exempt.
All the failures of government and society as a whole have made me a bitter person. In fact, the anger is so great that it is even reflected in my tone. This scares people off making even fewer people willing to help me. This in turn fuels my anger even more and the circle is round.
The fact I can't get therapy for this because of excessive waiting lists makes me a ticking timebomb.
Human behavior and thought patterns have consistently left me feeling disappointed and facing the consequences of their actions. One prominent example is the distinction between "being right" and "getting right." Disappointment and its repercussions are all too familiar. This leads me to perceive myself as a victim of human flaws and inclines me towards seeking solace in software and robots, particularly Androids. I often express the sentiment that "humans should be replaced by robots." My aspiration is to attain a level playing field in society with the aid of software and robots, alleviating the need to confront the negative aspects of human nature. In the meantime, I create YouTube videos, sharing glimpses of my life, in the hope of fostering understanding and inspiring individuals to actively pursue positive change.
I deeply empathize with the profound bitterness you are experiencing, which has been triggered by the disappointments and failures inflicted upon you by others. It is indeed frustrating and disheartening when deliberate acts of failing or wrongdoing go unpunished, leaving you without proper compensation for your losses. The lack of acknowledgement adds insult to injury and has had a significant impact on you. It's understandable that even though you may occasionally find moments of levity and humor, the deep scars left by these experiences are likely to persist. It's important to acknowledge and address the pain you feel, perhaps seeking support or counseling to help you navigate through these challenging emotions and find healing in your own time.