Dhystymia depression

I struggle with emotional eating, particularly during stressful moments when I tend to consume more food than necessary. It is challenging for me to eat less, as I can become quite grumpy when I'm hungry. This puts me in a difficult situation where I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. Despite regularly going to the gym five times a week, I am still overweight.I am what is considered an emotional eater, and especially during stressful moments, I eat a lot more than I should. Eating less is also not very easy for me because I can get very grumpy when I'm hungry. 

I am caught between a rock and a hard place. I am overweight despite going to the gym five times per week.

Because long-term depression permanently alters the mind, it has resulted in an increased need for sleep in my case. On a good day, I require around 9 hours of sleep. However, on difficult days, this can range anywhere from 12 to 16 hours of sleep. It's worth noting that while I mention sleep, I may not necessarily be asleep for the entirety of those hours. Nevertheless, I feel just as incapacitated as someone who is asleep, but not experiencing the benefits of being well-rested.

Depression has had a significant impact on my energy levels, depleting a substantial amount of my life energy due to the constant stress I experience. This lack of energy has become incredibly debilitating, leading to a permanent decline in my cognitive executive functions, which affect my ability to initiate and perform tasks.

In essence, we can view this as a personal injury, akin to an acquired brain injury. It is important for others to understand that my energy levels are not influenced by whether I like or dislike something, unlike most individuals. This is a lasting internal injury that affects my overall functioning and energy reserves.

Indeed, my pre-existing difficulty with focusing has been further exacerbated by my depression, resulting in a significant problem with both initiating and maintaining focus. I am aware of the tasks that still need to be completed, but I struggle to motivate myself to actually engage in them. This lack of focus is also evident when I'm using a computer, as I frequently find myself switching between different programs, ultimately forgetting what I was originally intending to do and becoming easily distracted.

Additionally, I have experienced numerous instances where I have lost substantial amounts of time and effort due to distractions. For example, I have lost countless hours of work by accidentally getting logged out of a platform when a timer expired, resulting in the loss of all progress on tasks such as writing emails.

I've noticed that I tend to seek validation and input from others regarding my ideas and plans before taking action. This may seem like a normal process, but what stands out is that only about 70 to 80% of my ideas and plans are executed by me if I receive two green lights to proceed. Until then, they linger in an obnoxious manner, constantly present and impossible to ignore, yet I feel unable to overcome the hesitation.