To me, the fear of abandonment is an automatic response that is triggered when I sense the possibility of being left alone. However, being left alone doesn't solely refer to physical separation; it can encompass psychological, emotional, practical, or even societal forms of abandonment. This fear often stems from a perceived lack of support and a sense that those whom I heavily rely on are withdrawing or distancing themselves, whether it is announced or unannounced. Importantly, the feeling of abandonment arises from circumstances beyond my control. It's essential to recognize that individuals with a fear of abandonment see themselves as victims rather than perpetrators in these situations.
My fear of abandonment stems from the perception that people view my situations and myself as complex, leading them to distance themselves from me over time. This feeling has been present within me for more than two decades. The added distress comes from the realization that even my own parents are starting to exhibit signs of distancing. When others begin to create distance, I instinctively respond by doing the same, which widens the gap between us even further. Unfortunately, this pattern sabotages any attempts at reconciliation and makes it incredibly difficult to mend relationships, as I tend to hold strong grudges, sometimes even multiple ones.