Confidence Loss

Chapters 4, 5 and 6, Confidence, Trust and Respect Loss are the heart of this so called marriage letter. These elements are the core of my soul, it is the fundamental part of who I am as a person. Why do I have to suffer confidence loss about who I am and what is really important to me?

Chapter 4

Original from January 2022
updated for v6.0002 11/14/22 1803
v6.0444 11/15/22 0912

4) CONFIDENCE Loss

There is little to no trust between us Sheila.

You will not follow me.

You will not obey me.

You will not compromise with me.

You will not apologize to me when I ask you to.

You submit to no one.

Seriously, like who do you submit to?

You do not trust my judgment.

You really do look down upon me.

Name-calling

You call me a narcissist every day. You say I'm an entitled egomaniac.

You call me a narcissist despite proof I have given you about the definition of that word, and that I am not a narcissist.

I find that you think of my intentions in that way to be very, very hurtful. Beyond hurtful.

Sheila, you do not really respect anything that I am truly passionate about, or stuff that I am actually good at.

You do not respect my knowledge and understanding of science, philosophy and history.

You do not at all agree with my knowledge of society and sociology in regards to politics.

You think you know better and you are not shy about telling me.

You do not ever want to do something I like to do, like play a video game with me or play an instrument with me.

It seems like there is no subject that I am better at than you, even mental health counseling.

You think you would be better at it than me.

Guitar

You do not care about my music ambitions to get good at guitar and singing. You make fun of me for cheekily joking I want to be a basement rockstar. You don't encourage me or inspire me to chase this dream. Your attitude towards my passions contributes to my confidence loss.

Painting

You are not impressed or moved by my desire to learn to paint and express this inward passion of mine. In fact, it seems to make you angry that I have time to devote to such a hobby. Again I need encouragement, instead, you give me the opposite. Your negative attitude about what I call my coping mechanisms add to my confidence loss.

If I wake up in a grumpy mood and agitate you in the morning, you then call me a nasty name and leave for work for the day.

I then think about that nasty name you called me all day.

Verbal insults are more harmful to me than I think you realize.

If somebody insults you that might bounce off of you and you might be okay.

But when you, as my wife, do it to me, because I trust you, it is way more hurtful than I think you realize.

My Side of the Family

Sheila, you have a real disdain for my family.

You do not like my dad.

You do not like my sister.

And those are really a few of the only people I have for support in my life.

You will never apologize to my sister.

Harmony

For you and I to have harmony in our lives I need you to be at peace and harmony with my family.

My sister does not have a problem with you. But she does think you do not like her.

I feel like you have isolated me from my family.

They do not feel welcome here. You can fix that by extending some hospitality to them. (see family relationship genogram)

♥➯ People who are confident in their relationships are confident because they're comfortable with getting hurt.

They're not afraid to be vulnerable and tell someone how they feel and then establish strong boundaries around those feelings,
even if it means being uncomfortable (or leaving a bad relationship).

Next - Chapter 5: Trust Loss

Page updated

Google Sites

Report abuse