Documented reasons for divorce, that is to end this marriage and move on with our lives....
Exploring the root causes of our conflict, looking at why I am not functioning properly conflict. Statements of fact that we have major problems with our in-laws and step children.
Original from January 2022
updated for v6.0002 11/14/22 1643
1) Reasons for divorce and to end our marriage with Sheila.
Short answer. The main reason is that I am not functioning properly, let alone thriving in this toxic environment.
And neither are you, and our behavior as role model parents is compromising the children's futures.
We may have to admit that we may not be compatible partners or co-parents.
The chaos from our dysfunction coupled with a lack of trust and respect trickles down to cause a lack of structure,
loss of good order, and discipline for everyone in our home.
We have to do something, either fix this or separate and move on...
I tried to outline everything that needs to change in this letter.
Whatever the root cause of our marriage conflict may be,
whether it be me (and my lack of ability and leadership traits, see JJDIDTIEBUCKLE attachment)
or you (and your lack of willingness to trust and obey my command),
whatever it is, it is causing me such debilitating distress in my life I cannot function properly,
let alone thrive.
Daily Conflict
The daily household contention is also of course causing you and the girls undue amounts of stress and unhealthy trauma.
We all deserve better.
So, the point is that I either have these marine corps leadership traits and I'm able to be in control of myself,
and my home and my family are in good order.
Or I do not have those traits and I'm not able to do that.
I've decided I have them. Now do you think I have them?
I attempted to outline my reasons I'm a good leader in this letter.
Who's In Charge?
The daily household contention is largely rooted in disagreements about;
how to parent the girls (expectations),
what leadership authority I have (what power do I have),
no clear chain of command (who’s in charge),
lack of clear roles (who has to do what) and
responsibilities, has caused a serious lack of cohesive parenting.
Our lack of cohesive parenting and us not being on the same page about the specific rules and their consequences has led to an unacceptable amount of distrust, disobedience and disorder for me to function properly, let alone thrive.
Call me controlling, obsessive, whatever you will;
I want and need certain small things around the house done as I say;
such as, taking shoes off at door, put away, doing brief chores every day, beds made, living room cleanup daily, etc…
Dysfunction
This dysfunction is surely causing all of us great harm.
This dysfunction is the primary reason to end our marriage and move on to God willing better things.
This dysfunction, it's causing me to be depressed about my life when I should not be otherwise.
This dysfunction has tremendously challenged my sense of self-worth and self-confidence.
Call it control, or obsessing, or whatever you will.
You Sheila need to decide if you want this leadership from me or not!
Do you want to give me control?
Do you trust me enough to follow my lead?
Humor my lofty language here, but will you; “obey me” and “follow my command”?
This letter seeks to explore and detail exactly how this dysfunction is hurting me.
What I mean by less tangible themes is that it is hard to prove the exact cause of loss of confidence or to prove disrespect.
So, I also seek to document more specific concrete details supporting how this dysfunction and disrespect is adversely affecting my soul,
spirit and health, and even my very willingness to live out the purpose that God has for my life.
With this loss of trust, the quality of our relationship has greatly deteriorated.
Leadership Traits: Endurance
