One of our biggest problems is that we do not agree on how to parent. We do not agree on how to raise our now teenage girls. I've been a constant stepfather figure in their lives for the past 8.5 years now. I remeber you saying when we first met that it would take five years for me to find true parent like status. However, even after 8 years, there is still no way for me to establish and enforce rules of any kind.
Original from January 2022
updated for v6.0002 11/14/22 1643
3) Our biggest disagreement is about how to raise our children.
One big problem is that we do not agree on how to parent.
We do not agree on how to raise Mia and Amelia.
There's no way for me to establish and enforce house rules for the kids such as chores and how to deal with the house laundry if I don’t have any authority and trust as head of the house.
I do not agree with giving the children free unrestricted access to their phones. Mia has a VPN that's blocking Bark (parental control app that helps keep kids safer online), we have to do something about that. I know what to do, but you and Mia have to let me do it. And we have hundreds of other alerts to go through on Bark.
I try to establish good order in the home by creating fair rules, but often many of those rules are Not followed.
And I can't do anything about it.
The kids treat me like a roommate, doing whatever they like, not what I tell them.
I'm Not Allowed
Sheila, you then call me obsessive with discipline as I try to relentlessly resolve the problem.
I'm not allowed to impose any kind of punishment whatsoever. This is not fair.
I'm not allowed to impose my rules.
I'm not allowed to teach them how I wanted to teach my children.
I'm not allowed to be angry with them.
I'm not allowed to take their phones away as punishment
I'm not allowed to do many other things I wanted to do as a parent.
Tell me how this is fair... If it was the other way around, and I had kids that I wouldn't let you parent or discipline. How would you feel?
The biggest problem is that there is no real respect or trust in our marriage between us, and thus my ability to lead you and the girls is significantly compromised.
I ask things to be done in a certain way, only to be ignored and forgotten.
I repeat what I need over and over again.
And really not one of you is willing to listen.
Why can’t I be in control of my house?
So, I ask you this question: Who is in control and who should be in control?
Leadership traits: Judgment, Initiative, dependability, decisiveness, unselfishness, loyalty
March 20, 2022 update. We had a huge fight again about Mia missing dinner again.
Being in the bathroom again for hours on her phone, skipping dinner even though she was home all day.
Mia and I specifically talked about how important family dinner time is.
I made it clear to her what the rules are and what I expect.
Every time is “supposedly” the last time, but the consequences never come.
Sheila, you won’t allow me to enforce the rules, so there are no consequences, and no real punitive action is ever taken to correct the kids.
And Sheila, you refuse to do anything about this.
