32º Concurso de Traducción: "Noche de cine"
32nd Translation Contest: "Movie night"
SOURCE: https://www.proz.com/translation-contests/86
SOURCE TEXT
De: "Robocop" de Santiago Negro
Robocop (Paul Verhoeven, 1987) se ha convertido en un auténtico clásico de culto, a pesar de que, en su momento, nadie apostó por el guión escrito por Edward Neumeier y Michael Miner. Se paseó de productora en productora sin despertar el mínimo interés; nadie encontraba la gracia en una historia en apariencia ridícula, pero que escondía en su interior toneladas de crítica descarnada hacia el sistema neoliberal imperante en la era Reagan. Tuvo que ser otro amigo de polémicas el que llevara a la pantalla el ácido relato en 1987; Paul Verhoeven construía una película repleta de ultraviolencia explícita, espejo de una sociedad decadente en manos de ejecutivos sin escrúpulos. Por supuesto, con poco que se compare el resultado de Robocop con el Batman crepuscular de El retorno del Caballero Oscuro, los puntos en común de ambos universos son evidentes. El humor negro, el contexto del futuro cercano convertido en una especie de jungla urbana, las guerras de bandas y el uso demencial de los medios de comunicación y la publicidad, integrados como parte esencial del relato, hacen sospechar que Neumeier y Miner se habían empapado bien de la obra de Miller.
El éxito de Robocop propició la aparición de la consabida secuela. Para la ocasión, los productores decidieron acudir al barro primordial en el que se gestó la base de la primera parte, y contrataron a Frank Miller como guionista de Robocop 2 (Irvin Kershner, 1990). Si había alguien conectado a este relato ciberpunk y sus connotaciones críticas, era el tipo que impresionó al mundo con las mismas armas que los responsables de la franquicia querían explotar.
Pronto empezaron los problemas. Verhoeven queda fuera del proyecto, aunque los fans de la franquicia aplauden la llegada de Irvin Kershner (director de El Imperio Contraataca) como director de la secuela. Al leer el guión propuesto por Miller, tanto Kersner como los productores declararon que lo que Miller había escrito era imposible de filmar. El libreto sufre una reescritura por parte de Walon Green, mutilando las ideas de Miller. La película resultó un fracaso comercial en su estreno cinematográfico, pero el mercado del vídeo casero salvó los muebles, e incluso animó a la productora a la realización de una nueva secuela.
WINNING TRANSLATION
From winner Benjamin Wright
Although Edward Neumeier and Michael Miner’s script failed to arouse much interest when it first made the rounds of the various production houses, RoboCop (Paul Verhoeven, 1987) has since become a veritable cult classic. Initially, people were simply unable to see past what they perceived as a ridiculous plot, which was in fact laden with hard-hitting criticism of the Reagan-era neo-liberal system. And so, it fell to Paul Verhoeven, who was no stranger to controversy, to bring the dark tale to the big screen in 1987. He emphasised extreme violence throughout the film, reflecting a decadent society in the hands of unscrupulous leaders. Indeed, if one were to compare the resulting RoboCop with the brooding Batman of The Dark Knight Returns, the similarities between the two universes soon become apparent. The dark humour, the futuristic setting transformed into a gritty urban jungle, the gang warfare and the insane use of media and advertising as an integral part of the story all suggest that Neumeier and Miner drew direct inspiration from Miller’s work.
The success of RoboCop led to the making of a much-anticipated sequel. This time, the producers went straight to the source that had helped bring the first instalment to life, hiring Frank Miller to write RoboCop 2 (Irvin Kershner, 1990). If anyone could do this cyberpunk tale and its critical connotations justice, it was Miller, having already blown the world away with the very weapons the franchise’s creators wanted to exploit.
There were setbacks from the get-go. Although Verhoeven did not jump on board, fans of the franchise rejoiced at the appointment of Irvin Kershner (director of The Empire Strikes Back) as the sequel director. After reading Miller’s first draft, both Kershner and the producers agreed it would be impossible to film. The script then underwent a rewrite by Walon Green, who mutilated many of Miller’s ideas. The resulting film failed to match the box office success of its predecessor. Still, the home video market offered some redemption and even encouraged the production company to make a third instalment.
SMART CAT
CAT TOOL results
Robocop (Paul Verhoeven, 1987) has become a true cult classic, despite the fact that, at the time, no one bet on the script written by Edward Neumeier and Michael Miner. It went from production company to production company without arousing the slightest interest; no one found the appeal in a seemingly ridiculous story, but one that hid within it tons of raw criticism of the prevailing neoliberal system in the Reagan era. It had to be another friend of controversy who brought the acidic story to the screen in 1987; Paul Verhoeven crafted a film full of explicit ultraviolence, a mirror of a decadent society in the hands of unscrupulous executives. Of course, with little comparison between the result of Robocop and the twilight Batman of The Dark Knight Returns, the commonalities of both universes are evident. The black humor, the near-future context turned into a kind of urban jungle, gang wars, and the insane use of media and advertising, integrated as an essential part of the narrative, suggest that Neumeier and Miner had thoroughly absorbed Miller's work.
The success of Robocop led to the appearance of the well-known sequel. For the occasion, the producers decided to return to the primordial mud in which the foundation of the first part was conceived, and hired Frank Miller as the screenwriter for Robocop 2 (Irvin Kershner, 1990). If there was anyone connected to this cyberpunk narrative and its critical connotations, it was the guy who impressed the world with the same weapons the franchise creators wanted to exploit.
Problems soon began. Verhoeven is out of the project, although franchise fans applauded the arrival of Irvin Kershner (director of The Empire Strikes Back) as director of the sequel. Upon reading the script proposed by Miller, both Kershner and the producers declared that what Miller had written was impossible to film. The script underwent a rewrite by Walon Green, mutilating Miller's ideas. The film was a commercial failure upon its theatrical release, but the home video market saved the day, and even encouraged the production company to make a new sequel.
Overall, differences in tone, word choice, interpretation, expressions, and cohesion can be found when compared. Winner's translation is not only more elegant, but culturally adapted, successfully matching the tone of a film-criticism perspective. SmartCAT is as well accurate but more literal, and sometimes less fluent.
En general, al comparar ambas traducciones se observan diferencias en el tono, la elección de palabras, la interpretación, las expresiones y la cohesión. La traducción de Winner no solo es más elegante, sino que además está adaptada culturalmente, logrando un tono propio de la crítica cinematográfica. SmartCAT, si bien es precisa, resulta más literal y, en ocasiones, menos fluida.