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So they arrived from the North, South, East, and West. One by one with the newest in golf attire in hand. Golf balls were stamped proudly with initials and club heads cleaned; the excitement was palpable. Too many drinks preflight led to a needed pre-FYMA nappy, knowing the best 3 hours of sleep to be gotten. Upon landing they rushed to the MGM meeting up with hugs of joy and rounds-a-plenty as chips flew with frequent ATM visits in between loud WOOHOO war cries. Although Christmas had come and gone, their presents had just arrived as Kinger checks Rivs oil, Whitey double downs, and TD does a tub check for evidence of Fratt’s manscaping. The talk was loud & late as the crew flys away to Mesquite as the sun rises in the East with Whitey vomiting out of a stuffed 12 pax van with Clarke, swift as ever, to grab him by his fish stained jeans.
The next 4 days would have time stop, as TD shoots lasers, smashing clubs across rock face boulders to lose an 18 stroke lead on the final day playing with only his putter, but luckily Chaser, sneaky like a fox, gathered and glued each wood and iron to earn favor with the TD. With every player's club cleaned, G sits attentively begging for Chopin & Rivs, shop talk. A quick in and out visit has Begs wanting more, but in fear of momma as drinks flow like unapologetic globally warmed arctic glaciers. PK remains perplexed as to whether or not to throw the Cup, but finally realizes he is forever a brotha and decides to begin his quest for FYMA GOAT status. The German or New Zealander, ANT also arrives with fruity cocktails for all. Screaming for it to end, but confusingly wanting more, conflicting hearts and minds drive West as FYMA closes and gastrointestinal issues bubble. But all look to ‘23 knowing being King for a week is what keeps them coming back. And all will swear as they board their planes back to the land of the ordinary, they could hear clearly, but ever so softly faint Stepbrother quotes and unexplainably…SUCK BALLS!!!
It’s the F'n FYMA Cup! Welcome back to the DD22!
Your lineup is below!
THE Itinerary
THE Itinerary
29 Jan: - Travel day to LV
- Check into MGM for two nights
30 Jan: - NFL Conference Championships in Vegas. Optional travel day.
- AFC Championship on CBS at 12:05pm PST
- NFC Championship on FOX at 3:40pm PST
The venue for watching the games is TBD.
31 Jan: 830am, Travel to Mesquite, NV, 85 min drive. Tee Time -11am: Practice round at Oasis Canyons Course ($119)
A good place to warm up to Canyon golf. The front 9 plays a lot like the Palmer course, however, the back 9 demands length and precision to narrow targets. Every hole is distinct in its features utilizing every club in your bag.
1 Feb: Tee Time - 11:07am
FYMA Cup Double Deuce Round 1 - Falcon Ridge ($119)
The least difficult of our four tracks, but sure to still suck up golf balls as it is desert play.
2 Feb: Tee Time - 11:10 am
FYMA Cup Double Deuce Round 2 - Palmer at the Oasis ($129)
With a Palmer in hand (and hopefully a splash of something nice), we hit Arnie's course. Probably a tie with Conestoga, this host of the "Big Break" golf course will demand superb shot shaping.
3 Feb: Tee Time - 11:07 am
FYMA Cup Double Deuce Moving Day - Conestoga Golf Club ($110)
The challenge rises with 18 holes of pristine desert golf highlighted by primo TD profanities shouted for four hours.
4 Feb: Tee Time - 11:17 am: FYMA Cup Double Deuce Championship Day - Wolf Creek: ($189)
As you are called to the first tee and look down towards the green, you notice a one of a kind canvas. The detail of the striped emerald green fairway below, lined with brilliant white sand bunkers, you instantly know that Wolf Creek is a special place. This is only a small sample of what is yet to come. As you navigate the elevation drops and wandering canyons, you wonder how they create this miraculous golf course, each hole unto its own.
There is an option to get back to Vegas for those with early flights.
5 Feb: 8am check out: Travel Day back to Vegas.
6 Feb: Optional travel day.
About Mesquite
About Mesquite
Mesquite is in the Pacific time zone and will be on Pacific Standard Time during FYMA (i.e. 3 hrs behind NYC). In February, Mesquite averages temperatures ranging from 34F to 64F with .1 inches of rain for the month. Last February, during the same week as this year’s FYMA Cup, Mesquite saw clear skies with temps ranging from 27F to 70F.
THE NUMBERS
Cost per person (may go down if we get a full turnout):
House: $1000 for the week; $150/per night if abbreviated stay.
Golf: $550-$650
Food/Booze: $250 based on annual average
Rental Van: $75
Lunch on the course: $75
Total before your flights & Vegas weekend fun: $1950-$2100/person.
THE LOGISTICS
The house is about 85 minutes from the airport and TD will have a 12 pax van ready to go. Hopefully, you chuckleheads arrive close to each other. We plan to have only one van run and would like to avoid the circling like in the past. If you haven’t made flights, plan your arrival for any time on Saturday or Sunday (before 11 am (local) if you want to watch both games). Arrive NLT 7 am on Monday or you are on your own to get to Mesquite. If you arrive earlier, report to the Tropicana via Uber, Lift, or Taxi. Uber X is $12 and Uber XL is $22 from the airport.
THE DUTIES:
Vis: - Tournament Director (TD). He was born for this and it now has consumed him entirely. Final authority on all rulings, movie choices, new handicap rules, and inter-tournament skirmishes.
Mudro - Assistant TD (AssTD). Prior to approaching TD, all complaints, gripes, or whining will be approved first through AssTD. He will decide whether or not it deserves his attention, but plan on it going completely ignored. AssTD is also the website developer and collector of all arrival/departure times. Apparel requests also go through AssTD and if you want a shirt, Yeti, or banana hammock let him know ASAP as he has complete approval to decide and charge as he needs to. He also will determine pairings for the week, which will be approved by the TD.
G - Tourney Official and Time Keeper - recheck AssTD handicaps and screw Fratt accordingly. Monday night you will have the opportunity to bribe G-money, but all bribe amounts will be approved by me with a 20% TD cut. G will also validate and post scores/leader board nightly. As Official Time Keeper, you will ensure all players are up and out for T-times.
PK – Is appointed SuppO. Once all assignments are handed out, Directors shall send all supply lists, booze requests to PK. Support will organize runs for supplies and booze, as necessary. Make sure you make it as hard as you can for him since he will be unable to get wrecked in flight and during layovers this year.
Clarkie - Poker Director/Games Coordinator, need at least two set of chips, and cards. Solicit other Cuppers if unable to provide. Also is our Games Coordinator to decide any side games and rulings. Appeal authority is retained by TD. That’s about the limit of responsibility we can give him.
Rivs - Sommelier. Provide wine list for SuppO to execute. Do not forget a bottle opener! The house should provide, but you should always carry one on your Tilted Kilt charm necklace. This year should be more challenging as we’re not sure whether a Merlot or Pinot Noir pairs properly with frank and beans.
Kinger – Our Champion is our Beverage Director (except wine). Provide beverage list to SuppO, complete list including mixers, water, Gatorades for a simple, but large shopping spree. Don’t forget bloody mary mix. Also, selection of the Keg of local goodness. Official Mixologist is also bestowed upon you. You have the honor of developing FYMA Cup’s first official drink.
Chop – Your new assignment will be Food Director. Ensure all food lists are developed from the menu planning from each cooking group. Provide lists to and assist SuppO with procurement of supplies.
Fratt – Returns to his role as the Primary house custodian and ensures all repairs are completed before departing. Also, Protocol Officer and addresses all breaches in good manners, humor, and etiquette. Also, Fratt assumes the duties and responsibilities of Aquatic Engineer/Swim Suit Inspector; he is to ensure pool is prepped with the prescribed number of noodles and hot tub never falls below 104 degrees F. Anyone with a swimsuit smaller than his will not be admitted to the pool area.
Whitey – Bouncer and Planning Officer; Screens all newcomers at the door, enforces all rulings for the TD. Assist with lessons learned and planning of the next FYMA Cup and all activities involved. DVD/movie coordinator: Movie listings should be posted no later than 1900 each evening. Obviously, you get the first choice of recliners for viewing.
Chaser - Feel like he surprises us with his arrival just to avoid this list. Designated as Random Task at-Large, responsible for odd jobs designated by TD/AssTD covering everything from keg prep to unclogging the sh!tter, from furniture reorganization to finding misplaced keys or wallets.
THE MENUS
A possible return of the cooking competition. Either way, we will partner up with 4 cooking each day.
Team format: Teams will be responsible for submitting shopping lists, cooking, and cleaning on their assigned day. All proteins/dinners are up for change and based on chefs' choices, so get your lists to PK. Also need easy breakfast list. If you cook better with someone else - check with AssTD for approval.
Saturday Night: Depends on your arrival time. Plan on eating out on the strip. If you arrive late, eat en route or grab late night on the strip .
Sunday night: This will be a full day out to watch the football games. Plan to eat on the strip or whatever facility we are posted up in.
Monday: TD, Kinger, Rivs, Whitey
Tuesday: Possible Dining Out or AssTD, G, Fratt, Chop
Wednesday: Possible Dining Out or AssTD, G, Fratt, Chop
Thursday: Clarkie, Chaser, PK
Friday: Pizza or Mesquite BBQ
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