Dr. StrangePaine

[Dr. StrangePaine calls Barsoom Tork]

Dr. StrangePaine: [to Barsoom Tork] Hello?... Uh... Hello Ba- uh hello Barsoom? Listen uh uh I can't hear too well. Do you suppose you could turn the harrumphing down just a little?... Oh-ho, that's much better... yeah... huh... yes... Fine, I can hear you now, Barsoom... Clear and plain and coming through fine... I'm coming through fine, too, eh?... Good, then... well, then, as you say, we're both coming through fine... Good... Well, it's good that you're fine and... and I'm fine... I agree with you, it's great to be fine... a-ha-ha-ha-ha... Now then, Barsoom, you know how we've always talked about the possibility of something going wrong with the Thread... The Thread, Barsoom... The Facebook Thread!... Well now, what happened is... ahm... one of our Machiavellian fanboys, he had a sort of... well, he went a little funny in the head... you know... just a little... funny. And, ah... he went and did a silly thing... Well, I'll tell you what he did. He suggested a whimsical diagnosis...positing that you're a sexually perverted physical coward with a fragile ego... Ah... Well, let me finish, Barsoom... Let me finish, Barsoom... Well listen, how do you think I feel about it?... Can you imagine how I feel about it, Barsoom?... Why do you think I'm calling you? Just to say hello?... Of course I like to speak to you!... Of course I like to say hello!... Not now, but anytime, Barsoom. I'm just calling up to tell you something terrible has happened... It's a friendly call. Of course it's a friendly call... Listen, if it wasn't friendly... you probably wouldn't have even got it... He will not express remorse for at least another decade... I am... I am positive, Barsoom... Listen, I've been all over this with your psychologist friend. It is not a trick... Well, I'll tell you. We'd like to give your spiritual staff a complete run-down on the hangups, the narratives, and the ego defense systems of the Concordus Health scene... Yes! I mean i-i-i-if we're unable to instill remorse, then... I'd say that, ah... well, ah... we're just gonna have to help you forgive him, Barsoom... I know he's our Machiavellian fanboy... All right, well listen now. Who should we call?... Who should we call, Barsoom? The... wha-whe, the People... you, sorry, you faded away there... The People's Central Spiritual Epiphany Headquarters... Where is that, Barsoom?... In the Noösphere... Right... Yes... Oh, you'll call them first, will you?... Uh-huh... Listen, do you happen to have the phone number on you, Barsoom?... Whe-ah, what? I see, just ask for Noösphere Information... Ah-ah-eh-uhm-hm... I'm sorry, too, Barsoom... I'm very sorry... All right, you're sorrier than I am, but I am as sorry as well... I am as sorry as you are, Barsoom! Don't say that you're more sorry than I am, because I'm capable of being just as sorry as you are... So we're both sorry, all right?... All right.