Tips & Tricks

I'll keep updating this section every time something pops into my head. But for know here is my list of tips & tricks to getting the most out of your visit.

Don't withdraw money from the casino ATM's!

This soulless bastards will charge you $5.00 or more. Instead hit up a Walgreens and use your debit card. If you buy a pack of gum they will usually let you take up to $100.00 in cash back with no fees!

Don't pay for the wireless internet in your room!

Just walk into a McDonald's on the strip and surf away! That way you can check in on the Grid Report all you want. Also the Apple Store in the Fashion Show mall, the monorail station at the LV convention center, The Airport & all Starbucks will let you surf for free.

Don't play the slots at the airport!

75% is the minimum payback in the state of Nevada. Obviously casino cant abide by that or else you would gamble elsewhere. But the airport cuts you no such deal. You are trapped and they know it! Sure sometimes people win, people always win the lottery. But chances are it wont be me or you. Well, probably not you. Me, I have a horseshoe up my ass.

Don't ride the monorail! Unless it stops at the exact hotel you want to see, and said hotel is pretty far away. Its not worth the price. Its cheaper for 2 people to take a cab from Mirage to Mandalay Bay than for the same 2 to walk across to Harrahs, walk through the property, pay the $10.00 just to get to MGM and have to walk across the street etc. The monorail is behind the strip so you have a lot of to and from walking just to get off and on it!

Instead use the East Side of the strip. You can ride for free at Bellagio and get to Monte Carlo. And free from Excalibur down to MB.

Don't believe anyone that tells you they have some free show tickets for you. Unless you don't mind sitting through a couple of hours of timeshare horseshit on your vacation. The tickets they give you are often $15 shows. Don't waste your time. Unless you want a timeshare in Vegas.

Don't but a timeshare in Las Vegas! If you are a gambler, your play should score you a free room. If you aren't rooms can be had for $30.00 a night or less on the strip! Most timeshares are set pretty far away from the action anyway. Save your money or give it to me!

Don't assume Las Vegas is always safe. Its a big city with plenty of crime. And all you suckers on vacation with cash are prime targets! So when you are on the strip, stay on the strip. When you are downtown, stay under the light show. Don't wander away from other people!

Don't listen to people that tell you they found a hot slot that's due to hit! This is one of the most common scams in town. They direct you to any random slot and tell you they just dumped a ton of cash in it and its due to hit. Obviously horseshit. But if you do hit something, anything by chance they will expect a tip. If you lose they just walk away and look for another sucker.

Don't gamble non-stop. You are going to get caught up in all the sexiness of Vegas really fast. Lord knows I get horny just walking into a casino. But takes breaks, go shopping, get some fresh air. Anything to chop up the day. Trust me you will get sick and go broke really fast if you don't relax a little.

Don't leave valuable shit out in your room. Just because you are in a fancy hotel doesn't mean the maid wont rob your ass! And dont assume that safe on the wall is free either. I know places (like Ballys) that charge you by the day if you use it. If its valuable, keep it on you at all times. If it too big, like a laptop use the safe. Its worth the money.

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