The Casinos of Chicagoland

Yes I know this is a wall of text with hardly any dick and fart jokes. But there really is not much online about the Chicago area casinos. If you are a local looking to explore, or one of the 60MIL visitors that travel through Chicago each year, there is some good stuff below. So don't get scared off by all the words!

People often ask me what the local gambling scene is like around Chicago. It doesn't get much press, but Chicago has quietly moved up the ranks to #3 in the National for biggest gambling markets. No one will ever touch Las Vegas, a market that sees upwards of 6.3BIL in gambling revenue per year. But with Atlantic City in decline, Chicago is only $400MIL behind them, settling in with an impressive $2BIL+ a year.

So what fuels the gambling? It certainly isn't the suck-ass casinos in state. Quite frankly, Illinois casinos are shit due to gambling restrictions. Casinos have to be on water, this steams from the old Riverboat laws that go back a couple decades now. Sure, the newest casino in state (The Rivers) looks like a normal casino. But she sits above a man made puddle in the middle of a parking lot.

If that isn't stupid enough, Illinois caps gambling positions at 1,200. What the fuck does that mean? If a casino wants 5 Black Jack tables, each seating 6 players, that equates to 30 gambling positions. So with those 5 tables, they can now only have 1,170 slot machines. Add in a couple of craps tables (16 players per) and now you are down to 1,138 slots. Add more tables, take away more slots.

Needless to say, this sets up the casinos to only have about 1000 people max in them at a time. With that limited gaming pool, the casinos themselves are small and very unimpressive. Add in the fact that most gamblers inherently love sin, then remove the option to smoke while they play (it is against the law to smoke indoors at nearly every establishment in IL). The outcome is most real Chicagoland players end up playing out of state. The local punters stay behind to get their fix.

But all is not lost, like the leaches that they are, neighboring states line up to take the cash that these 9.5MIL Chicago area residents might be risking. Below I will make up a quick list of what is where and if they are worth your time. I'll also be adding some new, limited, trip reports when I step out on the town. So check back often!

There are many more casinos in Illinois, Wisconsin, Indiana & Michigan. But the below are the most "doable". All of these are 90 minutes or less from downtown Chicago.

The casino closest to the populist is "the Rivers" in Des Plaines IL. It is also the newest. Sitting next door to O'Hare Airport makes it a very popular casino. In fact, a third of all casino gaming revenue in the entire state (10 casinos) pours through their coffers. Table MIN's are high, most slot machines are 2 cent flavored instead of your standard penny slots. This is to keep the lowly minimum betters somewhat honest and producing revenue for the state.

The casino looks nice enough, some decent places to eat, but no hotel. So if you gamble into the night your are probably wandering back home or to the Hyatt in Rosemont next door. It is no surprise that the machines pay out the shittiest in the area here. That 90% return means you will lose, on average, $10 for every $100 you gamble through on a machine.

Why do I keep saying "machine" and not slot? These numbers include Video Poker which have a much better return than an average slot machine. The numbers don't get completely broken out, and it all depends on how many VP machines they have. But I'd venture to say that a penny/2 penny slot machine might payback 86% here. So if that if your game of chance, you are looking at a loss of $14 for every $100 gambled through. $5.00 max bet penny slot = 20 spins for $100 of "Coin in". After 20 spins (your luck may very) you'll have $86 left. 20 more spins and now you have $72 ETC

And average player spins that slot 3 times per minute. At this casino, with these high holds, you are losing, on average (math and all) 3 spins per minute X 20 minutes = 60 spins and a loss of $42 to play this machine. That's $126 lost, per hour (on average) to play using this example.

Take Reno, 95% payback on all machines on average. That is a loss of $5.00 for every $100 gambled through. Let that sink in, your money will last 3 times longer in Reno than here in Illinois. Your $400 bankroll in IL is like a $1200 bankroll there. But players gonna to play!

I have been to all of the above. The below are all about an hour or so from downtown Chicago.

Harrah's is OK. The hotel is smaller, they have a cute little diner called Ace's on the floor. The buffet isn't bad and when comparing all 5 of these casinos it is the most complete resort. Decent mix of older and newer slots. The added benefit of their Total Rewards players club means you can earn comps to use in Vegas, Atlantic City, Reno and pretty much any major destination.

The Hollywood's looks nice as soon as you walk in. It is set up to look like a real casino with a big restaurant at the entrance, a buffet off to the side and so forth. But its just a trick! To play you will be funneled down a hallway onto a gold old fashion Riverboat. Small, cramped, not much to see or do. Unlike the other Hollywood casinos in the country, this one has next to nothing to see. The Aurora one is at least on a barge.

The Grand Victoria is the hardest to get to, and not worth anyone's time. No hotel, limited eats, it is the oldest and pretty much a time warp. It is just a Riverboat sitting in the water. Easy pass.

So if the Illinois casinos suck so much, where do I play?

Nearly ever casino on my top 5 list can be gotten to via I-94, which is the major expressway cutting through the Midwest. The Pot in Milwaukee? Take I-94 West. Horseshoe? Take I-90/I-94 and follow the skyway East. The Blue Chip & 4 Winds? Same thing, just go farther.

Top 5 Casinos in Chicagoland, as voted by Grid.

#5 Harrah's Casino & Hotel in Joliet IL

60 minutes from downtown Chicago (Heading Southwest)

Click the below Link for an overview, pictures and why it made #4 on my list.

Casino Review: Harrah's Joliet IL

#4 Horseshoe Casino in Hammond Indiana.

20 minutes from downtown Chicago (Heading East)

Click the below Link for an overview, pictures and why it made #4 on my list.

Casino Review: Horseshoe Hammond

#3 Blue Chip Casino Resort & Spa in Michigan City Indiana.

75 minutes from downtown Chicago (Heading East)

Click the below Link for an overview, pictures and why it made #3 on my list.

Casino Review: Blue Chip Spa & Resort

#2 The Potawatomi Hotel & Casino in Milwaukee Wisconsin

90 minutes from downtown Chicago (Heading North)

Click the below Link for an overview, pictures and why it made #2 on my list.

Casino Review: Potawatomi Casino WI

#1 The Four Winds Casino & Resort in New Buffalo Michigan

90 minutes from downtown Chicago (Heading East)

Click the below Link for an overview, pictures and why it made #1 on my list.

Casino Review: Four Winds Resort

So what does Grid do?

I like to take mini-vactions. If I'm going to throw my money in the air, and hope for a win, I'm going to do so for the experience. If I just wanted to gamble for the sake of gambling, the Rivers is 20 minutes from my house. But fuck them and their tight slots. They are nothing more than a room to lose in. I want that excitement I get in Vegas or even Atlantic City. So I head East!

I'll head out to Blue Chip in Michigan City on a Friday. We will hit the Lighthouse Outlet Mall across the street first, plenty of low tax and closeout bargains to be had. Still have some time to kill? I'll hit up the adorable little zoo down the street, Washington Park Zoo. A true throwback to the zoos at the turn of the century with plenty of modern upgrades thrown in.

Since I paid the $7.00 to park at the zoo, on the other side of the lot are the Indiana Dunes. Great beach in a unique setting with massive sand dunes all around you.

That should be enough time killing before checking in. My resort review was above, I eat, I gamble, I swim, I fornicate ETC. Plenty to do on property for the night.

Wake up Saturday morning, check out and head over to New Buffalo Michigan. Just 15 minutes down the road. A great little historic downtown district just a few miles from the resort. Lots of arts and crafts shops and some shopping that you just wont find anywhere else.

If the weather is nice, I'll head to their beach. If I don't want to lay in the sand, they have not one, but two Railroad museums. One near downtown, its a static box car set up with a mini museum inside. And another in the woods on the other side of the resort, complete with working trains you can ride.

When I'm done sunning, shopping and choo-chooing I'll check into the hotel. Again, plenty of shit there to keep you busy for the day.

Wake up Sunday, and we might do some antiquing in Harbor Country, hit up a Flea Market on the Indiana side or just head home tuckered out from all the action.

So gaming in Chicago is not that bad at all. You just have to know where to go! I have some trips reports linked to your right, I'll keep adding to them as I can. Enjoy!

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