T Sept 2012 Paris & Mirage and the trip that got away

Monday

The players Mr. & Mrs Grid. Bankroll is $500.00 a day to play with. Nothing more, but hopefully a lot less. That $500 seems to keep us in the good graces of nearly every hotel in town so we hold steady at that.

Booked an insanely cheap flight out of Chicago. Spirit. I'd bitch about Spirit but I know what I'm getting for my $75.00 flight, so I'll leave it alone. Flight was shit. It was hot, the seat was small. There where strange smells and my tailbone started hurting. Wait, I said I wouldn't bitch. It was only $300.00 Round Trip with all taxes and fees for me and the wife. That's the only nice thing I can say about it. Got into town late since it was a Monday. So no gambling, but I will still take the free digs. This trip it's Paris batting lead off. 3 nights comped. It's one of only three CET Casinos in town I'd actually stay at. Free or not, no IP, Ballys, Harrahs, etc unless they want to cough up a nice big suite, but they never do.

Land, smoke, get a cab. Nothing out of the ordinary. It's midnight so I don't give my usual speech to the cabbie of "Swenson to Harmon please" I figured it was safe to assume, being late and me being twice the cabbies size, that I wouldn't get tunneled. So I start talking to the wife about the game plan and Holy Shit I'm getting tunneled! As soon as we swing that right hand turn and I see what's going on I ask the cabby why he didn't take Swenson. He said this is faster. I say "I know its faster and more money, I'm not an idiot". After that there's dead silence as we race down the freeway on the back-way to the strip.

I'm just watching that meter roll and helpless to stop it: $19.05, $23.05, $28.05 by the time we got there it was $29.85 + the $3.30 airport tax. I get out, grab the bags and hand him a $20.00 and say, "You're lucky I'm even paying you. I know the laws in town. You can't long-haul people without them asking first." He cries a little about having to pay the extra $15 out of his pocket and says "You are supposed to tell me if you didn't want to go this route." I say, "I'm supposed to tell you not to fuck me? Look take the $20 or I'll call the taxi authority and report you, you pay the fine and I'll get a free cab ride" I got a little loud, and I'm kinda big so the bellhops and valet attendants are watching the show now. And with that he thanked me for the $20.00 and sped off. Even though things went my way, I'm still pissed. It's not about the money, mind you. It's about getting dicked. I don't like people taking advantage of me. For the record, it should have cost about $17 bucks with the airport fee.

Now, still pissed, I storm into the lobby looking for a fight because that's what irrational males do. I'm like a gorilla swinging a tree branch now! What the fuck are you looking at old lady, go back to playing Keno! You got a probably, Sir? I'll push your wheelchair into traffic! Just kidding, I didn't say any of that. We check in and it turns out the clerk is from Chicago as well. She looks at my drivers license and asks if I went to Lakeview HS. (I didn't, that's where the kids that couldn't get into the better high schools went) I say nope, I went to Lane Tech, but I have friends that went there. I start spitting out names and she says they sound familiar but who knows. Long story short, larger room, in a corner, with strip views and late checkout. Hooked me up, so I gave her the money I stole off the cabby!

Big TV and killer Strip views on 2 sides!

The view on this side was only OK. And these chairs never got used for anything but bag holding as you can see.

The Shitter was nice.

Tuesday

Time to get down to business! Wake up on Chicago time, about 7:00 AM Vegas time and fart around in the room while the wife slept. Tickled her feet, farted in her purse...you know, the usual stuff men do to their wives while they sleep. Finally, she wakes up and we head down to the buffet. Supposedly, the buffet here is really good. And judging by the crowds word must have gotten out. It was at least an hour wait, and not to ride Space Mountain, mind you, but to eat a buffet in a town full of them! The line is so long people were paying an extra $10.00 just for the right to skip the line. But not us...I'm Platinum. I flash that little card and walk right in. To be honest, I didn't even want the buffet but I like making strangers mad when I cut in line so I do it.

It was OK. The wife liked it more than me. A little on the fancy side, but the vanilla custard ice cream was great. Crepes are $14.99 outside the buffet in Paris now. They were $4.99, got jacked up to $9.99 last time we were here, now is $14.99! That's madness. The buffet was only $17.99 and you can eat crepes until you barf if you want. But I digress. The eggs were shitty scrambled unless you wanted to wait. The bacon, that which all breakfast buffets are judged by, was limp, fatty and chewy. Not a fan. For free I'd eat it again, but would I wait an hour and pay for this? Nope.

Our new adventure for this trip is taking the buss. They say the Deuce is the way to go to get up and down the strip. I wanted to go to Fremont street, the wife wanted to see Gold & Silver Pawn of Pawn Stars fame so I buy two 24 hour passes for $7.00 each. Pretty easy. The Deuce is fucking awesome! But only if you sit up top and in front. Its like a ride!

First Stop, Pawn Stars! Yes, you have to wait to get in. But the bus drops you off 2 blocks away and its really easy to get to. The line looked long, but moved along fast enough. They have little mistors outside to keep you cool. Now I don't know if mistors is the proper spelling, but I didn't want to type little misters and have you think of male midgets.

Back to the show!

Its small, I mean really small. You can see the whole store from the front door.

The things that were on the show are all marked with "as seen on Pawn Stars" signs on them to justify the price.

Just past the actual Pawn Shop they have a gift shop. And that's where it seemed everyone was spending their money. Not me, I bought a silver Morgan dollar. Yeah, I paid a little more than its worth, but I bought some Silver from Gold & Silver so it's the story you pay for.

This had to be Ricks car, he is a huge Steve McQueen fan

Turns out you can see Fremont Street from here. No need to walk 2 blocks the other way to get back to the bus, and have to wait for one. So we hoofed it. Just like the strip, it looks closer than it was. Not bad, but it was hot and it still took 10 minutes on foot to get there.

Its been a year since I've been Down Town. I hear the Plaza is all new, the Las Vegas club smells of less urine and the Fitz got a facelift and a stupid new name.

Fremont was just the way I left it. A little less dirty and a whole lot safer than my first trip there with my Dad 10 years earlier. It seems the hipster have moved in with Zappos and little bars, an arts district, etc have popped up. I still wouldn't wander around with the wife after dark, away from the canopy of lights. But in the daytime I felt safe. I've seen crazier assholes in Down Town Chicago so I'm an old hand at dealing with weirdos.

First thing we see when we get there.

Hang a left and enter the once abandoned shopping area at the end of the street.

It seems the only thing there now is a drag queen bowling alley which looks fun, a few restaurants and Johnny's Toy Shack . Johnny is the toy guy Rick calls on in Pawn Stars.

The store was nice, plenty of stuff and displayed well. But just like Gold & Silver Pawn everything was over priced. A toy that goes for $5.00 at the flea market, $10.00 online is $15.00-$20.00 in his store.

Not a fan of the zip lines they strung all over the old girl. Here's a shot without them on the clean side.

Mermaids is still fun. Like most of Down Town you can feel the odds are better. I walked around with a $20.00 bill for almost an hour in and out of casinos before I finally lost it.

The "D" getting its new facade. Hopefully it will look better than its stupid name.

Inside is a marked improvement over the old Fitzs. I'd rather it have a horrible name and a nice casino so I'm fine with the changes.

The plaza was very nice as well. Although, compared to the other places down here, it was completely dead. The Golden Nugget on the other hand was hopping! I played some top dollar and won a few bucks, then played that down. Went over to my old favorite Crystal Forest and was playing at $1.00 (4X min bet) and couldn't hit anything. I didn't want to go under a hundo, not at a place that I don't get comped at. That's just bad form!

As soon as I drop to a $0.50 bet I hit the bonus, first hit was this for $114.10. Not bad for 2 quarters!

By the end of the game I was at $136.80. So I leave down town with a new appreciation of its cleaner look and looser slots. The wife, on the other hand, leaves DT with $60.00 less than she started with.

I wish I could say my luck continued, but I ended up dumping all my winnings from Fremont and a little of my own at CET casinos but ended the day only about $50.00 down. That's pretty solid considering I lose at Total Rewards Casinos more than I should. The wife ended up losing $200.00. No hits worthy of pictures.

Wednesday

Wake up early, tickle the feet, fart in the purse, and finally my partner in crime wakes up. Look out over my awesome view, and I just know good things will happen today.

I just have to get through the CET part of my trip. The second half is at Mirage and I ALWAYS do better at MGM casinos. That's not just a feeling, or a hunch, it's a fact for me. It's held true for the past 10 years

We still have an hour left on the Deuce passes so we head all the way down to Wynn. And it happens! We lose all our money. Well, most of our money. It was a blood bath for the both of us. By the time we get to the Venetian we left about $250.00 at the Wynn in just under an hour. Nothing was hitting. I usually do well there too. When I'd bonus it would be a slap in my face. 50 free games at $0.90 bet on Electrifying Riches netted me $17.00. That's just how it went.

We like the food courts at the V, but they never comp us anything so we barely play there. Eat a nice grilled cheese sandwich and some onion rings and we head off to play up the Total Rewards card as a thank you for the free room. 1st up: Harrahs. Nothing, we both lose. Piss on IP, over to Flamingo. Get some solid play on a Whales Song in Margaritaville and move onto the main casino. Play around and nothing nothing nothing. I knew CET casinos suck! I don't know how I get so many points, it always seems to be a drain on my bankroll.

The wife was playing another Whales Song so I sit next to her on a Ten Times 9 games at once dealio. Mind you, its $1.80 max. I'm playing it at that, but that still means you are only betting $0.20 per game, since you play all 9 at once. And wouldn't you know it:

10 times 10 times double bar. So 100 times that hit. I'm thinking I won $40.00 and was OK with that.

Nope it was $400.00 on a $0.20 bet. So 2,000 times my bet. Pretty solid

I play around some more, since I'm rich now. Bank $300.00 of the win, to go with the $200.00 I banked yesterday. And no matter what I'll go home with $500.00.

Ballys killed us both on Tuesday. So I went back for a little revenge. I always play these Super Times Pay games when I see them. Right away I hit this.

Cash that and head back to Paris and lose some, over to Planet Hollywood where I never win and I lose a lot. About $300.00 between the 2 of us. Back to Ballys and my bankroll saver and hit for another $120.00 in the bonus game. I usually play these for dollars but I was feeling chicken. I was doing good at CET and didn't want to blow it.

End up with the wife losing all her money again, and after my $400.00 win I am now pretty much even for the trip, even with taking a beating at Planet Hollywood and Wynn. The massacre was so bad after my winning hour we ended up at Cosmo at 10:00 PM to break things up. It was dead. The clubs were banging but the slot floor was all ours. Paris was jumping so I guess its true: no one plays at Cosmo. Left there up but the damage was still done. Sure I played chicken at the end, determined to keep my money from CET. All told we got 800 points on the card. That's $4,000 gambled in 2 days. Not great, but not bad.

Thursday

Check out day. Since we scored the late check out we head over to Bellagio to play some on the card. In case you haven't read on my site I'm a complete MGM fan boy. I'm Platinum over there as well, and that's a lot harder to get than with CET. In fact its just one away from the top. At CET I'm just one level away from the bottom. I seem to move up faster in the ranks at MGM since I get way more play for my money, giving me a huge coin in. So I always score great offers even though my play is mostly smoke and mirrors. This trip it's Mirage for 2 nights, including Friday, $75 in free play and 2 free buffets. I get up fast at Bellagio but slowly piss it away over the next 2 hours. Head back to Paris to check out and over to Mirage.

Check in was no problem. There were long lines but at the Gold and Above line it was empty. I had over that Platinum card and ask for my free upgrade and she says she will get us something nice. Hand me my keys and off we go.

Same as Paris, corner room with 180 degree windows, strip view, larger room. It was nice.

Little TV with Strip views on 1 side and the freeway on the other.

The shitters are always tiny here. Modern, clean and nice. But tiny.

Off we go to finally start winning some money! We cab it down to Mandalay Bay, its only $10.00 and tip from here so for just $15.00 it's well worth it. This way we can gamble down the strip until we end up back at home base.

Things start off OK. The entire trip I've been playing $1.00 Wheel of Fortune but every spin was just for $20.00 or so. We've both played these and hit for $1,000 before, so this insult just wont do. After an hour we drop about $80 at Mandalay Bay, go over to Luxor to eat and lose. Skip the crappy castle. The only thing I hate more than losing money is losing money at Excalibur. Get to MGM and lose some more.

I have no idea what the fuck is going on. MGM has always been golden for me. New York New York and finally I hit something. Instant Spin on a $5.00 bet but only get $80.00. Still, I finally left an M Life casino up, only to piss it away at Aria and Monte Carlo. By the time we got back to Mirage the damage was done. Today's bankroll was gone. We both lost. Still, it was the 1st complete bankroll bomb for me on this trip, but sadly the 3rd in a row for the wife. But things will be different in the morning; I can feel it! This is usually the part of a days report where I post some pictures of wins. But nope. Nothing over a hundo so no pictures taken.

Friday

The last day is here. Flight out leaves 1:00AM Saturday morning. So if I'm going to leave here a winner I gotta do it now. Starting this morning I still have most of my money which normally I'd be OK with. We just feel like we haven't gotten much play this entire trip.

Head down stairs for our free buffet and it was OK. The buffet itself had about 9 stations. But for breakfast only 3 were open and your choices were pretty slim. It was free but I would never go back unless it was free again, that is. The bacon was better than Paris, so that's a plus and they had the ultimate score for me, a Doughnut cart! But even that couldn't save them from a shitty Grid review. The wait staff was great and the room was nice. Just not much to chose from for breakfast.

On with the gambling! Play Electrifying Riches again, get 55 free games at just $0.60 bet and score almost $50.00. Not bad, so I press my bet on $1.00 Instant Spin AND!!!!!! Nothing. Over to dollar pinball, nothing. Dollar Top Dollar, nothing. Dollar Wheel of Fortune, nothing. I did get some OK hits betting $1.00 on Wolf Wilds or something like that in the $50-$60 range but still left the Mirage down $200.00 before noon.

Over to Fashion Show Mall since the wife has a gift card toMacy's. Find a super cute dress, or so she tells me and walk back through TI to drop it off next door at our room. TI takes $100.00 off us combined. Drop off the dress and lose another hundo.

Since we are Platinum we get into the Secret Gardens for free. Now if I had to pay $17.99 for this small time killer I'd be pissed. But for free its OK. It's the second time we've done it and we always have the place to ourselves.

Turns out giant lions have small nuts. Seriously, there is your fact for the day. Little balls. My balls are twice the size of his. Sure, he would kill me if I challenged him, but I'd still shame him from a distance on a testicle display.

So it's only around 2:00 by this point. Last day here and I won't be back for another 6 months so I start to chase my losses. This has worked in the past. After all, I'm at MGM now, and I always do well! So I dip into my take home money. Just a hundred. Piss it away. Another $100. Gone. Another, another, another.

All my "don't touch, take home money" is now gone. The wife is belly up as well. We end up watching TV for a few hours before catching our shitty flight back home. All told we only got 3,500 points at M Life in 2 days. That's $7,000 gambled which is still plenty but I've been averaging 2,500 points per day on my past trips, so not too great. After 30 trips to Vegas this is only the second time I went belly up. It's a shame I brought the wife down with me. But...there's always next time!

And the cab ride from the Mirage back to the Airport, via Sands. $15.00 plus tip!

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