n Sept 2014 Rides, Slots & Unicorns

My last trip to Vegas was all the way back in February. I took the family and I completely crapped out. We had fun, but I blew all my money in the first 24 hours. Normally I don't go on tilt like that. I usually drop $400 sometimes $500 in a day. But never $1,500. Serves me right for staying/playing at Caesars Palace.

I know the slots are as tight as a gnat's chuff (look it up) but the Augustus tower is so nice and I like being close to the Forum Shoppes since we had the kid with us. To add insult to injury I went to the ATM to pull out more money, its not like I was going to hide in my room for the trip since I was broke. The bank decided that my numerous credit card uses for drinks and snacks out of state was grounds for shutting down my card. They would only reactivate it if we went to a branch. Of which there were none in Vegas. So I learned that I can use my credit card for a cash advance and all was well with the world.

So naturally I have learned to ignore gambling at CET casinos like the plague right? Nope. That seed money I dumped 6 months ago turned into a Norwegian Cruise for 2 plus $400 in Visa gift cards. How do I not go back to these dicks once they start getting generous? So I book and rope my little brother into the adventure.

I always do well playing at MGM casinos. I'm Platinum with them, the second highest tier, but they have been insulting me lately with offers.I always max bet unless its an insanely high one to make. My ADT seems pretty steady at $10K per day. Looking back on my gambling exploits, I have hit on the slots with MGM for over a grand 6 times. The highest was $10,365.00 a couple years back at Monte Carlo. CET, which I give the same play, I have never even broken the $500 mark. And yet here I am, a whore for comps, so its off to see the Caesar!

I have everything booked to stay at Paris when I get an email from my old host at the Plaza Downtown. He says he is over at the Stratosphere now and he'd like me to give it a shot. I send him one of my CET offers with $500 in free play and he says he will match it. So Wed night, 1st day of our trip, I stay with him.

Day 1

Get checked in at the VIP room at the Strat around 8:00PM. We wander around a little before we head up to check out the suite. I never stay/play on the North Side of the Strip. But the Strat is really nice. The flow of the casino is good, the games they have out are great. All of the newest slot titles are here and it now just smells like a basement only in certain parts. Never thought I'd say it but... I kinda liked the place. Maybe it was just me being horny for gambling since I just got into town. But everything looked the way I'd like it to look.

Get up to the room on one of the top floors. It was supposed to be a strip view, but not much to see. If you look between the husk of the abandoned Fontainbleu you can make out the High Roller and Encore.

Room one is the master, this is the bed right next to the dining area.

To the left of the bed is the shitter. Pretty fancy for this place.

Towards the main walk in area is the living room and across from that is a nice bar. Nothing was worn or broken but it was certainly dated. Not sure about the little TV for this large space. I had a larger one in my mirror at Caesars but I never even turned it on so I don't care.

The next room over was a pair of beds and another bathroom. This section looked updated and it became my brothers room for the night.

Satisfied with the digs we head down to the casino. $500 in free play loaded on my card we start to play. Get a bonus game pretty fast on one of the new Quick Hits flavors that are everywhere now (Below). I think I started with a $20, I got that up to $150 and with this hit I'm sitting at $320. Now a bad way to start the trip!

I don't really play these types of games. But the kid was playing something near by and I get lonely playing alone. About 4 slaps in I get a full screen of the best symbol. Seeing as it was only 50 times my bet I assume this isn't that hard to do. Now I have $375.00. Turns out gambling is pretty easy when you don't use your own money.

Over to my buddy Beetlejuice, after gambling around and slowly losing my money on stupid shit. I'm looking at you Peter Pan and the Neverland Slots! That prick took me for over $200.00 betting $3.00 per spin. But BJ here gave it right back almost immediately. Now I have $325.

I play that $325 down to $300 even and cash out. Bank $200 and stick a fresh Benny into this 5 line $1.00 Monte Carlo. Didn't get to spin but did hit Red 7's for $100.00

So here's the thing about gambling at the Strat. There are a ton of Lookey Lou's everywhere. Every game we played, we both max bet, and every bonus game seemed to draw a crowd. I'm not a social gambler if I don't know you. I don't pump my fist with a great hit. Clap or scream out load. I get happy inside sure. But Walter Payton said "act like you've been there before" so that's my style. Maybe a fist bump to a friend but that's about it.

But here, there is no avoiding the low rolling crowd. We see them stepping away from their .50 cent spins to see whats going on with our party. I'm not a gambling snob. You bet minimum and that works for you, have fun. We all play the way we want. I cant do it since I'm one of those "What if" guys. What if I was playing max during that Bonus? I'd have $500 instead of $100. But I hate having to answer questions from a stranger while I play. "How much were you in before you hit the bonus?" "Oh I expected more!" Etc.

One of my favorite pastimes is watching my slot Hero SDGUY1234 play on youtube. He'll turn around and tell people "You like watching me win?" He can get away with that, but I'm a bit of an ogre. If I said that people might take it as a threat. Any way, bigger fish in a smaller pond I get it. But that's the only thing negative I can say about playing here.

The above only sucked since this is one of those giant 4 foot tall slots and everyone came to watch, again, as I mentioned before. After being the Belle of the ball for 5 minutes during this bonus game I cashed out and played the new 60's Batman. It was fun, but not a money maker. With a $2.50 max bet there sure where a lot of $0.35 hits and bonus games of $20 so we move on.

During my winning streak the kid isn't fairing so well. He is getting play but slowly gambling his life away. He has gotten his share of $100+ hits as well. The grind is just slowly eating his bankroll. When you bet max you have to learn to stomach the swings. Down $200 then up $100 in a blink. We both have an iron gut but the night is dwindling away.

Take them for one last hit and we head off to eat at Roxy's Diner. The casino is running a promo for new card members. Earn 5000 points in your 1st day and you get to spin a wheel for a prize plus you get $25.00 in cash. I blow past the 5000 points, their club is $1.00 played = 1 point. But they are very cryptic on how to move up in the club. No one seems to know. Their website says most players move up a level on their first day of play.

I doubt most players, especially here, gamble more than I did their 1st day and I didn't move up. The $25.00 promo started Sept 1st. I was there on Sept 3rd and the cashier had to ask around on how to pay me out. No one knew so they had to call a manager. Was I the 1st to hit the magical 5K level during this promo? If so, you know not many new people are playing there and running that much through their machines.

You need 10 tier credits to hit the next card level. After I got to 5,000 points and went to spin the wheel-o-prizes I was told I had 0 tier credits so far. I asked what I needed to move to Orange from Blue (base card level) and was told more play. I asked how much more and was told more slot play. That helps!

For the free wheel spin they have 2 jackpots slices where, if I remember correctly, were $500.00 in free play and another for a free 2 night stay. The rest were 300 reward points or $5.00 in free play and such. Grid steps up to the plate and, 2 nights stay! But I have a host so I'll never use it and its not transferable. I would rather have those 300 reward points.

Roxy's was good. The portions are large and the food was plenty tasty. I'd say everything tastes good when you are winning but my brother wasn't and he said it was good so there you go. Pay with the points that I built up on the card so that's free as well. Leave a $10 tip and off to bed. The kid is down $400 and I'm up $400. We could have just exchanged money in the parking lot but what fun would that have been?

Day 2

We wake up early, around 7:00AM, and bum around the Strat for a little while before heading out for the day. The Tower is closed so we head through the mall. Not many places I would shop. Seems like a bunch of generic stores all selling the same thing. Well, except for the guy selling imported rugs. What's that all about? A mall shot is below.

Check out of the room around 9AM and head over to SLS. Funny story about them. They just opened about a week before we got there. Assuming they were hungry for fresh blood in their casino I email a host. Other gambling buddies of mine were able to have a host match their free play offers. The host I got said she would do the same but would need proof of my offers. I send her over my latest email from CET which was $450 in free play and a slot tourney. She says she will get it on my account and will get right back to me. 5 days go by with nothing.

I email her again, telling her I'm staying on the North Strip in a week so this would be a perfect time to lore me in. I just needed a jump start to play there. I didn't want to take away money from clubs that are currently rewarding me just to see her casino. She says after the grand opening she took a few days off but said she would still try to match my free play to get me in the door. I give her my address and DOB for a card and she replies 3 hours later that she would have to book me for one night in order to get the free play. I already had a room booked but I'll double book for another $500. I tell her go ahead.

The next morning I get an email from her saying her Boss wanted an offer good the exact day, the one I sent her was for later in the month. I tell her the offer I sent her shows my name and it proves the type of offers I get in town for my level of play. I never save email offers so I tell her I can send her a screenshot of my Total Rewards account proving I get $500 every month. She balks at that suggestion and wont budge. I politely tell her I might ask again on another trip when they are actually looking for players. So SLS gets nothing from me.

The outside is nice, looks nothing like Sahara any more. I heard people ragging on SLS for dirty carpet, trash thrown everywhere and for their ugly ceiling. I see nothing like this.

The place pulled off the industrial Chic look. They didn't nail it like the Downtown Grand did. But it worked. The ceiling looked fine and it wasn't a distraction. I prefer this to the lower crowded feeling of the old Sahara. No trash. No dirt. No players. Sure it was early in the morning. But only a week into its opening I would have thought someone would be in here. Outside of one or two people walking around it was dead. Maybe she should have bribed me...

Taking full advantage of the North Strip, we both burned some of our MyVegas money on a Circus Circus buffet pass and free ride before we left town. Since I don't want to log a visit with Mlife by using a comp to one of their other properties this seemed like the best option. The Circus is owned by MGM but they are not on the Mlife program. So if I low play them so what.

Turns out I got a card here in 1999. Yeah, its been awhile. I did drop by the adventure dome 6 months ago with the baby in tow but I didn't gamble here. I update all my info, we exchange our MyVegas certs for actual comps and head over to the buffet.

I'm sure everyone that knows Vegas knows that Circus Square has one of the shittiest buffets in town. But to our very non discerning pallet it was... dare I say... kinda good! Below was their standard breakfast fare. You can have an omelet made to order, or grab one already out like I did. It was cheese with bacon inside and they added a nacho type cheese inside that! The bacon tasted like bacon. Nothing was cold. They even had corn dogs, chicken fingers, french fries. If you like to eat like a kid you'll have plenty to choose from. If you want to eat gourmet, why are you in Circus Circus to begin with?

Normally I don't take pictures of my food for this blog. We are just not that type. But the wife wanted to know what it was like. Half expecting something diarrhea inducing I sent her this pic.

After not getting sick at the buffet we head out into their casino. No sense using the roller coaster passes right after we gorge. If the buffet didn't make me shit, no way I'm going to risk puking by my own accord. I'm surprised by the casino. Its large, plenty of room to spread out while you are playing. Lots a new games and plenty of classics. I take them for $108.00 right out of the gate.

They have the follow up to one of my new favorite slots. Back to the Future; Biff's game. I hit this sucker for $105.00 and my brother is slowly winning back his Start losses. I cash out at $300 and bank my $200 in profit.

We played the new Rolling Stones at the Strat and it sucked. The pays don't match the bet and the bonus games seem like shit payouts as well. I was furious with myself after playing a hundo down to $10.00 on this chunk of shit before finally getting the bonus. One of my buddies is a huge stones fan so I wanted to send him a pic of a decent win. Bonus wasn't that bad and I was actually up on this fucker!

We head upstairs to check out the Midway and the kid sort of twists his ankle. Its not like he was running, he's just fat and clumsy. But he doesn't bitch... too much... and we head off to see the sights.

Its pretty awesome. Huge! We can eat McNuggets on a carousel if we wanted to. Tons of arcade games, little ride-on's and skill cranes to go along with rows of Midway games. The only downside is all the hawkers trying to get you to play their games. Everyone is in your face as you walk by. Very annoying. We spot a skill crane with a fluffy pink unicorn in it. Daddy brought baby back a pink unicorn from his last not-family trip to Vegas so I gotta have it! Cash in a $5 bill for quarters and the damn claw was rigged. We nailed it perfectly, three times, and the bitch wouldn't clamp.

Watch a clown for a little while and head into another arcade. They have 2 here. What do you know, there it is! And only 500 points? Suckers. Now I just have to do that with my $2.00 in quarters. I'm not cashing in a hundo up here for a Unicorn hunt.

Knock down the clowns and win a jackpot of 500 tickets it says huh? How hard can that be? We swipe some balls from the machine next to this one and we tag team it at the same time. 450 points = 50 tickets. So close. Down to my last buck we try again annnnnddddd Jackpot!

Its so Fluffy!! Snap a picture of me and our big win to send to the kid and off we go to gamble some more.

The kid does well playing Jurassic Park and he pulls within only being down less than $200 now. So its a fast turn around for him. Spongebob plays with Fluffy and we head up to the El Loco.

El Loco was plenty Loco! Fast, a few flips upside down. Too bad it was so short. But for free its well worth it.

We both pluck the Circus for a few hundred plus Fluffy and we walk over to Encore and into Wynn. Win is one thing I never do at the Wynn. The kid plays the new Grease and hits a fast bonus. Now he is barely down at all.

Finally get to Paris and check in around 2:00. Its a long, hot walk from the Strat to here. But plenty to see in between and we got to visit places we never get to see. Rivera is still around, and I'm glad for that. But the place is the pits. The casino did have some players but Circus Circus was rockin across the street with activity. This place was just depressing. Not dead like SLS. Just dated and worn.

The Paris Red Room is nice. Small, but clean. We have a delightful view of Bally's tower and the mountains. So nothing to see here.

No clue who the fuck thought it was a good idea to install a sconce like this, in this manner. But at least twice in the middle of the night I woke up thinking the Tinman was trying to shove his cock in my ear...

I check in on the haul and I'm up almost $800 and fluffy so far. Not bad for the 1st 24 hours.

We head down to play in Paris and get gut punched by CET. Less then an hour in and I'm down $300 and he is down almost $200. You can just feel the shittier odds here. But I got a cruise and $400 in Visa cards so I man up and take my medicine.

Take the walkway over to Bally's and the 1st machine I play I hit for $350.00. All my Paris losses back and we are on our way!

You can sneak out the side door at Bally's now to get in the back door of The Cromwell. Its nice, its clean but very dark. Most of the casino is table games which surprised us. We end up loosing at Cromwell and he takes down another Jurassic hit and we find ourselves at the Linq.

The high roller was something like $25 to ride before noon. $40 to ride at night. Or you can buy a pass that lets you ride it once at a flex time of your choice for $50. Now it just cost me $120.00 to fly from Chicago to Vegas. Why anyone would pay $50 for a 30 minute spin in a circle is beyond me.

Head into the Imperial Palace. I mean the Quad. Well, the soon to be renamed Linq hotel and casino and I hit for $201.00 playing Mystic Lamp for nickles. But the fool in me gives it all back playing the Phantom of the Opera. We both lose on it. We are both hemorrhaging money today.

After not getting any decent hits for a few hours the kid does manage to hit the Alan progressive on Hangover. He nailed the top 2 picks for $620.00. Not bad for a $2.00 bet.

We end up at Planet Hollywood so we can eat at the Earl of Sandwich. I pull out of there and the 1st spin of this Jolly Roger game I get the bonus and $170.00 in profit. But I just end up pissing that away as well.

The kid ends up almost even for the trip after Hangover and I'm now up just $400.00

Day 3

After getting punched in the face with CET the day before we head over to the Venetian. The plan here is to double team on his card to kick start some offers. We did this the last trip together on my card and the room/free play offers started rolling in after just 2 hours of play.

I quickly steal $100.00 off their Beetlejuice game but piss that away playing Leonidas.

The original, and still the best, Ghostbusters game is getting harder and harder to find. The V still has one. This is not a get rich slot. Its fun and you can sit for awhile. But its not known for big hits due to its massive progressive. I do mange to take it for $107.00

And not to brag but... That was the 2nd biggest hit on this machine in the history of the day!

Head over to the Palazzo up $200 from its sister and I piss it all away. Plus a hundred of my real money. We both take a pass on playing at the Wynn. I've barked up that tree before but they have no interest in me as a player.

Back over to Paris so I can pick up the paper work for the cruise and I hit for $136.00. The victory was short lived as we both continued losing here.

Trying to break the CET jinx before we get too far in the hole we try our luck at Bellagio. Tag team his card again so I don't trigger a visit and turn my already piss poor offers with them even worse. He does OK playing Iron Man but I lose another $200 on their Phantom of the Opera. Over to Cosmo and more double up on his card.

We see Liberace's whip. They actually have a small display set up of his ware's. Its free and worth a look if you are near by.

I drop off a hundo playing Monopoly but make that back and more playing Aladdin.

The kid almost gets $100 off their Jurassic Park. Making him a winner in 4 out of 4 attempts at this game.

Over to Planet Ho and some more Earl's. I never win here. Yet I did OK with the Pirate hit the night before and the casino is always packed.

I get in the hole pretty fast playing the Big Event Wizard of Oz. I've seen people kill this game if they get a high enough multiplier. I get up to 50 X but drop to just 25 X when the even kicks in. Still good for almost $250 though.

We tuck tail and call it a night after that. The kid went from rallying and getting to even the day before, to down $500 by now. I went from up $800, and a Unicorn, to just up $100, and a Unicorn. I cant bitch about being up after almost 3 days of gambling.

Last Day

We don't have a full day to play. But I'm still registered in the hotel since I needed a 3 night stay to get the cruise and gift cards. I have about 5 hours to play on $99.00 before I can come home a winner. The kid has 5 hours to get his $500 back.

1st hour at Paris/Bally's we both lose. I have a decent run on Clue 2 but not enough to get ahead. I start playing with real money. Cromwell/Flamingo lose. Quad/Harrah's lose. By the time we make it back to check out I'm now down $400 for the trip and the kid is down over $800.00. We got beat up pretty bad.

All things considered, I didn't do bad. I dropped $400 of my money but got exactly $400 in Visa gift cards. So I'm claiming victory on the trip. I go home up a cruise and a Fluffy Unicorn.

My stay on the North end of town netted me 9 picture worthy hits in about 6 hours of play. My play with CET and the rest of the South Siders netted just 11 pictures over 3 days. Rather insulting. I know people say the North End and their Local's oriented slots are a better value. And in this very scientific research I conclude that to be true!

One thing that always strikes me flying into Vegas is just how small the city is. Flying home to Chicago you can see just how big home is.

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