j Sept 2016 You Gotta Know when to Hold Em
It's been a year since my last Vegas Trip report. Mainly due to the fact that we have been hitting up Atlantic City a few times a year instead. The Boardwalk, the beaches, the arcades, the $75 flights and just an hour in a plane. Its easier. But its not Vegas!
So here I am, 400 days removed from my last visit, and with an extra kid in tow. We might as well make the trip worth it!
I might have over extended ourselves a bit. 7 days, 6 nights, 3 hotels. But when you are Vegas deprived, you lose your mind when planning. Like a 16 year old in a whore house. "I'll take that one, no no, I'll take this one... Wait I want her!"
A precursor to the below trip report. I do not not drink, smoke, gamble or curse in front of my kids. Sometimes my humor bleeds through into my trip reports, but that is Gambler Grid and not Daddy Grid.
I know some people have a stick up their asses when it comes to kids in Vegas. Never does my gamble cross into my family vacation. You can do both!
Day 1 : Saturday
We fly out in the afternoon. The plan is to have the kids sleep on the plane. You know what they say about the best laid plans...
We land in Vegas around 5PM local time. The first leg of the trip will be Treasure Island. We are booked comped in the Petite Suite with $250 in Free Play + $125 in Free Play Early Booking Bonus. = $375 in Free Play.
I have a host here. She books my room and that's it. She never tries to find me, she never looks at my bill at checkout. She is just there. She seems nice enough, but its the corporate offers that bring me back each time.
Petite is right. Its a small room. But I like TI. I seem to always do well in their casino. Unlike the mega chains CET, MGM, Wynn and Venetian/Plazzo. I feel like TI gives you a solid gamble, easy comps, and a great experience. Why? Well, they have to. Or why else would you stay there?
View from the room.
To protect the identity of the Grid clan we will call the little one "The Baby" and the big one "The Kid"
The Baby says the bed will do just fine.
We really should eat, but the Kid has been talking about staying at "The Pirate Hotel" for months now. So I gotta take them outside to see whats left of the former awesome attraction.
Sadly both ship have been downgraded to glorified fountains now.
There is a deli in TI called Little Richie's. It's decent food, but even better if you print and hand them this coupon.
You can get a giant Italian Beef sammich (I'm from Chicago) for $8.99. BUT if you use that coupon its only $6.99 and you get a large fountain drink (free refills) and a bag of chips! We double down and get two of everything $15 and change with tax and it was a lot of food.
Print out a few copies since they will take the flyer from you once you use it.
Tummies full, and late for the kids who are still on Chicago time, the wife gets them to bed and Dad heads off to seek his fortune.
If you have read my previous trip reports, you would know I'm a comp whore. I try to rack up points the best I can, I play slots that should give me the most coin in.
Not every trip is a winner. But I view them as seed money for the next trip. If casinos didn't comp I'd have zero interest in gambling.
I don't swing for the fences (Megabucks) but I do expect to bunt my way into a few runs (dollar and older nickle games).
While I dream big sometimes, I try to stay grounded and shoot small. Like "If I can just win $4K I can pay off this credit card".
Aim low and its easier to hit. Aim high and your money wont last that long.
So lets spend some free play! I did fart around on some dollar top Dollar machines, but I wasn't getting very far. So I found one of the last original Ghostbusters slots and did OK.
After picking the shit out of the ballroom, I play Texas Tea right across from it.
$5.00 bet, its nickles, landed me a $210.00 hit. I was invested about $100.00 by this point so I needed the help!
I wandered around playing here & there and finally found a new Monopoly slot. It wasn't long before I cleared out the $102.00 progressive. I played these machines off and on over the next 48 hours and always did well.
From there I wandered over to to Dragon Spins. I have never played this one, but I have seen people kill it on Youtube. I spent the last of my free play and eventually got a bonus for $173.00.
Not too shabby! I turned my $375 in free play into $372.61. You cant beat that!
Now I'm up, and I have my foot on the gas. So over to this fancy wheel of fortune.
You spin a wheel, duh, but you can get free games instead of a credit prize like normal. I got 12 free games but only landed $84 on a $5.00 bet. Still up though so I won't bitch... too much.
I have loved this Sherlock Holmes slot machine since I first played it at one of my locals last year. but at TI, it was as cold as Ice. The best I could do was a $60.00 line hit. I had 3 bonuses before that, all of them shit.
I bought in with $425 and I cashed out with $325.
I played for another good hour on that $325 TITO racking up points. I hit a few instant spins, below, but I was slowly bleeding by now. Still on house money so there is that.
With about $100 left, I found a Wonder Woman slot. I love these games, and the Kid thinks she is Wonder Woman, so I always play them now. She did me OK.
I rode that win over to some Aruze Mermaid Slot that caught my eye. I got a $108.00 line hit pretty fast and I snapped a pic for my report like I always do when I win something decent.
To my chagrin, there was a bitchy cocktail waitress near by who yelled out "No pictures in the Casino!" I ignored her and put my phone away. Well until she walked up to me and said "Did you hear me? No Pics..." Yeah I heard you, OK.
I didn't want to get in a pissing match. Most casinos allow some pics. The usual rules are:
Only take a picture of your machine.
Only take a picture when the reels are not moving.
Do not take a picture of the cage, a money drop, the table games or anyone else in the casino.
All decent rules, and I always follow them. Places like Aria & Cosmo love it when you take a picture of a big win and post it on Social Media. Why wouldn't they want other people to see that you are winning money in their casino?
And lets be honest, who takes a picture of a zero credit meter and sends a tweet saying "TI took all my money"...
Either TI is behind the times, or this waitress just wanted to be a bitch.
Here is that $108 hit that nearly got me bounced on the first day.
I was just going to cash out and head up to the room after that. I had been playing for a few hours by now and I'd like to stay "up" on day one. But I thought, fuck it, lets see what comes of this.
About 10 more spins in, I get a red mermaid to shit wilds all over the reels. That's $750.00 for me, and I'll take a fucking pic!
Thinking I'm on fire now, I press on. I ended up playing for another hour and lost just under 2 hundo of it.
After day one, its Grid up $700.00!
Day 2 : Sunday
No one tells the kids that Las Vegas is 2 hours earlier than Chicago. They are up just as the sun is rising. Mom takes them on a little tour while I pull myself out of bed. Normally I would be spent. But with adrenaline flowing from last night I'm eager to take on the day.
The plan is to walk from TI down to Circus Circus. The buffet opens at 7AM and the Adventuredome at 10AM. So we split the difference and plan on eating at 8AM and fart around there until 10.
I pissed away some MyVegas points on a BOGO Circus Circus buffet. I ate it before. It's kids food and that's actually what my non discerning pallet enjoys. But you have to trade in the coupon for points on your card, and even though the club booth opens at 8AM there is no one to be found. I eventually find a slot attendant and she says she will send someone over.
I get my card and they load the comp. Its not worth $18.99 a person. But $18.99 for 2 and the kid eats free? That's a solid deal.
The food is what it should be. Mostly hot and tasted liked it looked. The eggs were powdered shit, so I grabbed everyone an omelette. Much like the casino this early, it was mostly abandoned.
We have to feed the baby so we found a nice seating area near the Adventuredome. The kid saw the giant players club card and was excited to see a "Big Credit Card" like hers.
I actually gambled a couple of good hours here once a couple of years ago. They still had me on file from 1999. I update my address and email and I never got shit from them.
I enjoy me some lowbrow fun just as much as the next guy. But I'm not about to chase Bozo for comps. I do play a couple of slots while the wife is farting around with the kids. Up $60.00 for Grid!
Finally the Dome is open for business, and the Kid, who was here once over 2 years ago, looses her fucking mind!
The place is just as awesome as I remembered it. $17.95 gets her an all day ride pass, which is actually free with the cash the clowns just gave me in the casino. Double Score!
She shows off her ride band and off we go!
Not only is the casino loose, but she is killing it in the arcade!
Here is Grid and the Kid 2016
And here is Grid and the Kid back in 2014
Yes I know she was a fat homely looking baby. But I didn't realize that until I had kid #2, who is actually an adorable looking baby. But Kid #1 eventually grew out of her fugly stage and is, IMO, a decent looking toddler now.
The Choo Choo gets a thumbs up.
But she lost her shit when she got to "Fly a real helicopter!"
We had to get her off this damn ride, I couldn't take standing in the same spot for another 30 minutes. Its like she doesn't want me to gamble and win money!
Finally get her on the Frog Hopper and she loved it more than the helicopters.
While Big Sis plays on the "Big Kid Rides" Little Sis takes Bozo out for a spin.
We spent a few good hours here. We could have spent more if the little one didn't start loosing her shit at nap time. So we headed back. its an easy 20 minute walk, but nothing to see really.
You have the "never to be built" Alon casino. The "maybe one day" Resorts World Casino. The "never again" Riviera remnants and Wynn/Encore both of which are boring to look at from the outside.
Back to the room for a nap and I try to gamble while they sleep.
In my youth I would gamble 12 hours a day. But I didn't have the bankroll to max bet that long. Now that I usually travel with my kiddie entourage I game for 90 minutes while they nap and a few hours when they go to bed. Sometimes I tap out with the wife. But mostly its just me, alone on the slot floor, "paying" off the comps.
The Nap time gambling session didn't go over great. but it wasn't bad either. I lost $200 but I got a lot of play in.
The Kid is not ready for bed, so I take her on the TI to Mirage Tram. She still has he ride wristband from Circus Circus on so she shows that to everyone each time make a trip.
The ride is only 2 minutes long. But I guess the tunnel part at TI is pretty exciting as is the hump on the Mirage end.
B
y now she is tried of my "Lets take a picture for Grandma" horseshit and she just wants to goof around at each photo op I present to her.
I had enough of her shenanigans, so I just took pictures of normal stuff without her ruining it with her sass.
We did find a showgirl on the way back to the room. And the kid wanted her picture taken with "The Mermaid".
With everyone tucked in for the night, it was back to work for the Grid.
I hit a good one right out of the gate for $300 and we were off and running
Rolled that into $550. Before cashing out since I don't trust myself with a big ticket. I bank $400.
Stick $160 in this guy and eventually land a bonus on this new (to me anyway) game.
I push my bankroll up to $400 thanks to my old friend Instant Spin. I bank another $300 shortly after.
Start with a new hundo and finally get a Pinball bonus.
I did eventually piss away a few more bucks, but not before I hit 5,000 points on my card. You get 1 point for every $2.00 you bet on the slots. That point is worth a penny. They had a kiosk game going where you get to "dig for treasure" on a virtual map with each 4,600 points. I found $25.00
At the end of the day I used that free play, plus the $50.00 in point play I earned and I piss that away as well.
All told I gambled just over $5,000 each day on average. Not all that great but not all that bad either. In the end I was up $1,400 here.
Day 3 : Monday
I surprised everyone in the morning with my $1,400 48 hour windfall!
The kid proceeds to tell everyone she meets "We have a lot of money in our room". I didn't think that one through.
As the wife readies the troops I just fart around without my card placing small bets. I was surprised to see a $63.00 win on a $1.50 bet. If this was last night that would have been almost $200. But I'll take it!
Up for the day without even trying!
In short order my posse joins me and we spend the rest of the morning, before checkout, over at the Venetian.
The kid keeps telling me there are "Boats Inside!" so we have to take a look.
But not before walking through the candy store. Her "Just one thing" ended up being a 6' candy necklace.
Sure as shit, Boats inside! I spend some of the TI $63.00 from this morning on lunch and whatnot in here.
Now here is the sad part of the story. We have a late checkout at TI, the kids are now napping and I have a couple of hours to kill.
The plan today is to move to Luxor and experience that end of the strip. I can either go sleep on my wad of cash with the rest of the team or I can hit up Mirage.
Since I'll be staying at the far end of the strip, and I haven't played at Mirage in a long time, its a no brainer for me.
Hop on the tram and.... I get fucked. I was just going to spend a hundo there and play up the card a little. After all, I'll be an Mlife bitch for the next 2 days anyway.
Man what a mistake.
I was going to cash out $20 on the $100 buy-in to pay for the cab to Luxor. I was Ok losing $80 there.
But I got dick punched pretty hard. There is a new Aladdin 3D game where you collect wilds. I chased on that bastard enough until I had enough for some super spins. But I was $300 vested before winning my $120.00. In my face.
So I put another $100 in Aftershock. And that shit on me. So I did another $100 in Instant Spin with the same results. Everything I touched turned to shit. I was down $500 in 45 minutes. Well, less $20 for the cab.
I knew to "Hold em" at TI and it paid off. I should have known to "Fold em" with Mlife after this, but I cant just tuck tail and go home over a $500 boo-boo.
Hop in the cab from TI and over to Luxor fairly fast. $12.00 + tip, and $20 well spent. We are a totally fucking calamity when getting in a cab.
Pull out the duffle bad from the buggy. Drop the 2 back packs. Take off the baby bag. Pull out the car seat. Get the toddler loaded up, everyone buckled and I can finally fold up the dual stroller and head off.
All the while I have to listen to "Who's car is this" from the kid. So I always tip well enough for a ride.
Luxor is 2 nights comped in the Pyramid suite + $100 in Free Play + $100 in free food.
I like Luxor. I don't like the casino, its small and there aren't many games that I play. But I LOVE being there. It reminds me of how Vegas was nearly 20 years ago when I first started going there.
Sure its not as cool as it used to be, but there is enough "retro theme" where you can still enjoy it.
Speaking of which, I'm sure my suite has not changed one bit since the earlier 90's! The paint was cracking, there was mildew on the walls near the tub and the blinds looked like no one has ever touched them.
I loved every bit of its disgusting charm! It was big and we had a few rooms we could spread out in. Plus the big tub overlooking the strip was fun for the kids and I.
The plan was for me to stay in the big room here, but gamble at Mandalay Bay and NY NY where I usually do well and actually enjoy their casinos.
I have a host here, she is very nice and we chat often. I know she doesn't get credit if I don't gamble at Luxor. But she does get credit for bringing me in town as long as I gamble Mlife.
The view from the room below.
The kid quickly points out that we can "See his butt" And I immediately come up with a "Something Sphinx" joke that gets way overused the next couple of days.
The bathroom was big, but too spread out. When the wife send you a text of her on the shitter, stretching and missing the toilet paper. You know there is a design flaw.
The next 2 days that roll sat on the floor next to the bowl.
Everything checked out and then there was a knock on the door. Did I mention it was our 10 year anniversary? We were married in Vegas. I must have mentioned that to my host and she sent up some delicious chocolate covered strawberries and champagne.
That crafty little devil. Now I'll have to gamble more here!
A room with an inside view!
I
turned my $100 in free play into $70.00 and I pissed that away on a new Big Bang Theory slot machine. Well, I lost that plus $200 more dollars. I never did get the bonus.
My only luck here today came on a line hit while playing the new Ghostbusters. I pissed that away as well. I played into the night with nothing much to show for it. All I did was lose $700 more dollars.
Add in the Mirage insult and that's nearly $1,200 gone in a day. I've been here before, but that doesn't mean i like it.
Yup, just one decent hit after gambling for 4 hours. At Treasure Island I got 11 decent hits EACH DAY!
You cant help but wonder if MGM is going the greedy CET route with their slot holds. I couldn't win shit in a CET casino after years of trying I would always lose. So I jumped ship and went back to MGM.
But with paid parking, drink coupons that spit out after you hit a certain target and now this slot machine insult. I really do worry that a decent gamble here is becoming harder to find.
I'm call it a night.
Day 4 : Tuesday
While the wife gets the kids ready I head down in front of them. On the first game I played I hit for $160! If I just have one shit luck day I'm OK. The last 2 times I stayed at Luxor I was getting killed as well. But one time I won $500 in free play during a drawing that bailed me out and both times I hit for $1,000 on a slot.
I'll need that sort of luck now to make up from Monday.
Buffets are free with our resort credit so we do that for breakfast. Everyone in my group likes the buffet here and I love that its still themed. In case you have never been there, the entire buffet is situated in a faux archeological dig. Pretty neat.
We head over to New York New York and visit Hershey World. If it wasn't close by I would have skipped it. Unlike M&M world, there really isn't much to see/do here.
Take the free monorail/tram from the Castle over to Mandalay Bay. I scored 2 comped tickets from MyVegas so its free.
It used to always be free, when I was Platinum, but after not visiting for a year I fell down to Gold.
We took the kid here twice before, and she loves it. So it was babies turn to see it as well.
She must have looked delicious to the gators and sharks since they came up to the glass with every photo op.
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Naturally it dumps you into a gift shop. They did con me out of $50 for 4 pictures and a keepsake frame. I'm still up for the trip (barley) so what do I care.
Walk the kids back to the room for a nap and I run to Mandalay Bay as fast as I can to get back my money!
First up to bat is a new Michael Jackson slot. I got a bonus on it within my 1st $50. I really hate the "specialty" slot thing with Mlife. Some machines earn you a point with every $3.00 while others it takes $10 for the same fucking point.
I like to play what I want and not have to think of the rip off. But sadly it bothers me to not get full points so I limit what I play with them.
After getting burned so badly the night before on new games, which I assume were ordered with the highest hold, I'm really trying to stick to the older slots now.
I turn the above into $221 and I'm climbing out of the hole!
$221 into $292? Sure, that will do just fine! Between this run and the $150 I won in the morning, I just got back $440 of my $1200 loss yesterday!
Gambling is so much fun when you are winning. The air smells better. The beer tastes better. Everything is fun when you make the correct choice to risk your money!
Until you start to shit it away again. Fuck me. I chased on this Aftershock machine too long. I won $97 but it cost me $200.
I land another $100 here. But that $300 ticket is down to $150.
Until Wonder Woman saves me!
But I end up losing that as well. I went from $100 to $300 to $0.00. I grab another bill and I land this on one of my favorite Vegas "Old and Shitty" games.
It has never let me down!
I slowly play that down to my original $200 investment and I leave there with just $20 up. But still up!
Go back to Luxor and gamble for my hosts sake. I should have fucking bought my own strawberries. Not much to see here.
I did get $120 on an older Empire game.
And Wonder Woman was OK as well. Still not enough wind in the air to right the ship.
Nap time done, we head over to Excalibur. I don't think I have ever won in their casino, so I don't even try. But everyone enjoys their Fun Dungeon, so we make that our priority tonight.
Not satisfied with just one arcade, we hit up Coney Island next door at NY NY. Always a crowd pleaser.
Put the kids to bed and I give Mlife gambling one more try. I couldn't win at Luxor, so I walked over to New York New York.
I'm glad I did! I was able to lose my money that much faster! Nothing seemed to work for me here either.
I play the games I should and yet I cant get to the top of shit mountain.
I check the carnage on my phone outside at the Brooklyn Bridge.
It ain't pretty. I thought I won $20 at Mandalay but I guess I just won 10 fiddy.
NY NY looks right, I did just drop $260.00 here.
$480 loss at Mirage. I did save that $20 for the cab after all.
And look at that dick in my ass from Luxor. $1800 slap in the face. Well some of that was converted free play but that only accounts for $80.00
I walked out of Treasure Island up $1,400 for the trip. I'm going to bed at Luxor down $1,000.
Fuck me. I did forget to clear out my point play. I earned just over 4,000 points in 48 hours. Each point is either $3.00 or $10.00. I'm going to assume my coin in was $7K a day.
4,000 points is $40.00 in free play + $40 in express comps. I turned that $40 into $103 on the below. And the express comps into a bunch of giant cookies and coke over at MGM.
So I really only lost $2,300 over the last 2 days!
Wake up early the next day to move off strip and I turn my $20 into $165 on a few penny instant spin machines. Maybe things are looking up?
Stay Tuned for Chapter two!
Will Grid dig himself out of a hole?
What will the clan think of staying off strip for 2 days?
Does this baby find a hat that will actually fit?
Here is what that $50 got me at Shark reef. Worth every penny!
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