j2 Off "Strip Search" Green Valley Ranch Sept 16
The Saga continues...
Wednesday: Day 5
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There once was a time in my life where I gambled.. a lot. Whenever I wanted to. Even if I lost some cash in the casino, the food, drinks, shows and rooms were always free. And that made for a relatively cheap vacation.
Then I became a breeder. I no longer had time to nap when I wanted to, let alone game. So gambling vacations became few and far between. So using a service like this, that can get me comped just by using my average, is fantastic and exactly what I was looking for.
While looking for family friendly options in Vegas, all roads kept leading back to Green Valley Ranch. I got nowhere with them on my own. But even though they aren't a UR Comped partner, those crafty bastards got me in anyway!
2 nights comped and $100 in free eats. For me, walking in cold, I'll take it!
Moving on from what will forever be known as "The Luxor Debacle"...
I made friends with the host that was assigned to me at Green Valley Ranch. I told her I was taking the shuttle over from Mandalay Bay and asked for an early check-in.
She laughed at me hauling the family, and all of our shit, into the shuttle. And said she would just send a limo to grab us from Luxor after we checked out.
Not everyone was impressed with the limo ride...
As soon as we drove into the resort we could tell this place was special.
We have "Locals" casinos by us in the Midwest. And that's what I was half expecting. But this place looked huge and pretty fancy.
We chatted up the Limo driver and he had some great suggestions for us during our stay. Slapped a $20 bill in his palm and we were ushered to the VIP check-in.
Fast, super friendly and we were off to our room with our bags, and a crib, already waiting. The host made sure everything was set before we walked in. She is good.
And what a nice room it was. It was impeccably clean, very modern and yet still elegant. I was impressed.
The view overlooked the gardens and pool area. Some rooms even had walk out balconies.
Separate tub and shower.
Huge vanity with an shitter closet. That comes in pretty handy after a buffet. The more doors between me and the sleeping baby the better when I go to thunder pot.
They even have speakers and controls in the bathroom so you can hear the TV while doing your business.
Fancy indeed.
Nap time for baby, so I grab the kid to go explore our new digs.
Wow, it truly is an oasis in the desert!
The kid gives the garden a thumbs up.
Apparently the main pool deck got the same rating...
As did the water bridge. And she is usually very discerning.
Just past the spa and pool is a pathway that leads into a large park.
This play area got a lot of use from us over the next few days. It had a few paths, one of which leads you to some grapevines like a little winery. And a huge natural grass (well as natural as grass in a desert can be) area to play in.
Swing by the pool bar for a potty break and get ready to check out the rest of the pool.
We did mange to find a button, so the toddler was up for the day. But we quickly lost it in a rock pile shortly after.
Below is the only known picture of her and her button. I hope it eventually finds a good home.
The pool has a beach with sand that extends partially into the main swimming area. It was a big hit.
With nap time over, we head to the Cafe for some much needed lunch. The line for the buffet was pretty long.
Everything on the menu was insanely cheap. $8.99 for a rack of ribs dinner? We all ate our fill for like $30. Charged that to the room and we went to grab our swim suits.
With everyone's batteries recharged after a relaxing afternoon, we head off to find the arcade.
For fiddy cents you get to play the candy crane until you win. This was probably the best part of the resort to the kid.
As the evening winds down, I trek with the clan back up to the room before pressing my luck, finally, in the casino.
The casino is huge! I'm not one to check facts, but I did look it up. 134, 681 SQFT. That's a lotta gambling and its mostly slots and video poker. By comparison, the Mirage has 97,550 SQFT.
So, yeah, it's pretty big. Plenty of games I have never seen before and a ton of old classics that I haven't seen in years.
The casino is chopped up into a few areas so it "feels" even bigger. Being the middle of the week, there were more employees than gamblers here. I would have taken some more pictures of the casino if I wasn't afraid of being nabbed.
It truly must be seen to be believed. Very opulent!
I found a Jimmy Buffet slot that plays like every other reel spinning WMS game (Lord of the rings, WOZ, Wonka, Godfather, Flintstones ETC)
And I manage to pull off a decent win from it. Truth be told, I was $100 in before hitting for $112. But I'm plenty OK with that!
Since GVR is famous for their VP offerings, I try my hand at some carnival poker. If only I was dealt those 4 Deuce's. But I'll take $122.00 nonetheless.
drive that $212.56 TITO up to $326.00 after getting this Batgirl hit.
I goof around for another hour slowly losing before landing an $84 progressive.
I haven't seen this game since the 1st time I was in Vegas. The line bets are pretty weird on most of these older nickle games here.
1 X 2X, no 3 or 4, and it jumps to 5X and just 10X.
I like to play these for $4.50. But I just don't have the bankroll to play for $6.25 or $12.50 a spin. But I'll take a $75.00 hit on a $2.50 investment any day.
I eventually run out of my original stake. But it looks like I'm racking up points and I'm getting a ton of action.
Night and day difference from the MGM casinos I just left! I honestly don't mind losing. As long as I get plenty of entertain in, I trust the comps to offset most of the loses.
I picked the shit out of my Iron Man bonus. That $254.00 fixed me right up for the day.
$140 hit on another game I haven't seen for years!
You get 1 point for every dollar you gamble. And I was sitting at 5,000 points before finding this Buffalo game. I have no clue as to why Buffaloes and slot machines go so well together. But I sat on this machine for a long time and racked up another 1,000 points before cashing out up.
Done for the night I ended up with nearly $7,000 of coin in on the evening. While I did lose a little, it was well under my budget for the day and I had a blast!
Thursday: Day 6
Mom's turn to sleep in, so I grab the kid and we head out to find "The District".
I have never been to Rodeo drive, but I imagine it would look like this, with better stores that is.
Over 70 places to shop at. From fancy JoS A. Bank, to Victoria's Secret and Bath & Body Works.
They somehow all mesh well with a few kids stores tossed in for us.
It couldn't be easier to get to The District from the resort. The Casino is on the second floor, the Arcade & Movie Theater are on the first floor. Walk out through there and you are probably 30' away from getting your shop on.
It's early, the arcade is closed and Mom & Baby are still resting. I take Wonder Woman to the park for some roughhousing.
Finally get the band back together and I head out in front of them to play for 10 minutes before we meet up at the buffet.
it was 10 minutes well spent!
The buffet here is fairly good. Large, nice looking and actually quite tasty. I have no idea how they can afford to give this away for $7.99. That is not a typo. Breakfast was $7.99 each.
They do shit on you by making you pay for anyone over 2 years old. Most buffets allow little kids in for free.
My toddler can't eat $7.99 worth of food. But I can eat $15.98 worth, so I guess it levels out.
After pulling out of the buffet I see a sign that says "Earn 3 times points everyday!" I turn to the wife and say "I should check at the booth about that. She comments that you just have to swipe your card at a kiosk and you are all set. I guess she actually reads things she sees.
Why does she have to be so much smarter than me?
I've never been to a stations casino before. My host got me a card when I booked months ago. I picked it up from the rewards booth and I asked "What do I need to know?"
He just said to keep your card in the machine and you earn a point for each dollar. 9,999 points gets you to Gold & 40,000 points gets you to Platinum.
So I took my card and gambled. He could have told me to swipe at the fucking machine for my triple points!
My host checks in on me, she really is a sweetie, and I tell her about the point issue. She says she will get right back to me.
We take mom to the district to show her what we found. She was impressed as well. Meanwhile my phone goes off and... All of my points from last night were tripled! She is a Rock Star!
All of a sudden I'm now a Gold Member, after just one night of playing. I made sure I swiped for today after figuring it all out.
They even have a splash pad there. It became the go-to spot for the trip. This place truly is family friendly.
No splash pad for babies!
Back to the room for a nap and back to the action for Daddy.
Jimmy Buffet started out the day well yesterday and he put out again for me today.
This is another one of those machines I wish I could have bet $5.00 on. I bowled the shit out of it and picked perfectly for a $332.40 win on a $2.50 bet.
I slowly lose some money as I make the rounds. I was up to almost $500 on my $100 buy-in.
But I did end up pissing that away, plus another couple hundred.
I slip a new Benny into some fancy new Lobster game that I have never seen before. I slowly built up a bankroll and I was piling up the points by now.
Nap time done, we head back to the arcade.
This time I spend a buck on a full size candy bar machine. First claw in and I land a Twix bar, a Milky Way (threw that in the trash), a bag of peanut M&M's and some Tootsie Rolls.
You would have thought a Unicorn burst out of the machine as the Kid saw all of that chocolatey goodness thud its way down the chute.
We bum around the resort before Mom finally takes baby up to bed. I'm stuck with the kid, who is now all charged up with candy, and I head off to feed her.
"Dealer's Choice" I shout out. And she gets to pick dinner. After suggesting Chocolate, No, Candy, No, Peanut butter milkshake, no, Purple Carrots, What the Fuck?
She finally says Cheetos. Now that I can live with. But she has to eat a bite of pizza for every Cheeto she consumes.
It became a game of inches. Pizza = tiny nibble then a fistful of Cheetos. I let her get one over on me. Mom isn't here.
She winds down and I dump her in bed. I quickly head back down for my last night of gambling.
I don't normally play these machines. I just hate "winning" 10 cents on my $2.50 bet. But I was feeling lucky.
The design flaw by Ainsworth is their lack of a Victory Screen. That where you take the picture.
When the bonus is done, it just goes right back into the base game.
Lame. I actually won $212.00 on this one but took a picture just before it was done counting up.
If you hit spin to stop the slow count up, you are shit outta luck.
This one sure looked like it would be more on a max bet! Triple Diamond Blue 7 Double Diamond PLUS the triple double 3 bar.
First Spin Bonus.
I take a break after hitting a losing streak and head outside. Unlike a strip casino, I guess these locals driven ones empty out after 9PM on a week night. I spend most of this time all alone, which is creepy yet sort of surreal.
Back to the grind and I give Austin Powers some love
I had lost $300 on this new Big Bang slot at Luxor chasing a bonus that never came. I did get a bonus fairly fast here though.
At first I was pissed wining $35 during my free spins. Betting $4.50 that's a slap in the face!
But it gave me a 3 X multiplier at the end and I felt better with $106.95.
Some fleeting luck elsewhere, but I'm really getting spent. Its now 2AM local time (4Am Chicago) and everything is starting to look fuzzy.
I check the card and I see I passed the 40,000 points I needed to be Platinum. In two days. Not bad.
Still down a little for the day, I feel like I again got my monies worth. Both days I was here I had a chance to stop and be up. But I kept pressing and had fun doing so.
I'll still go home with some of the money I brought with me. To me, that's a win!
I shoot a note to the host in the morning and ask her for a late checkout. We don't fly out until 5PM and I'd just assume have the room for the kids to nap in.
Late checkout it is and she will set up the Limo to take us back to the airport. Did I mention she was great? We ran a little more than the $100 credit but she killed that off as well.
Mom is sleepy, so I take the wonder twins with me to say good bye to Vegas.
Pringles and Pop. The breakfast of Champions!
With time to kill we wander around some more before leaving the Valley.
The Baby eventually DOES find a hat that fits!
We end up having lunch out in the district. Some place called Balboa's. The wife wanted wings so it was an easy choice.
She had 6 wings, I had a ham and cheese sandwich with fries. The Kid had a grille cheese and chips. Add in a couple of fountain drinks and it was $40.
It was OK food, but they priced themselves as if they are center strip. I'll cross them off my to-do again list.
We opt for the Escalade back. More room for the buggy and all of our new treasures. Everyone gets to hear all about the splash pad, the candy and the arcade alllll the way back to the airport.
Overall impressions? We loved it. I like being able to gamble all night and not loose too much money.
For a family it was great. The stores, the arcades, the pools, the park ETC was all top notch and very easy to do it from within the resort. I like not having to walk 30 minutes just to get out of your hotel, like we do on the Strip.
It was nice to be able to just play around a resort and not have to travel up and down the Strip seeking adventures.
But 48 hours is my limit. I couldn't vacation here. But I will certainly go back! I might check out Red Rock the next time. I hear it is even bigger.
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