We are friends in Recovery Dharma. We take action for our recovery

Dharma Friends

When some of us were new, it was intimidating to find a way to cultivate new dharma friends. This guide offers some concrete suggestions on some of the actions we took to get started.

Peers

One of the most often questions asked by people who are entering the path is "where or how can I find a mentor? " Many of us in this community have taken the path of Dharma Friends and Mutual Support. We acknowledge that some of us may have been around longer than others, but that it is still possible to support each other.

Practice | Effort

Our experience has been that groups with strong systems of mutual support outside of meetings also have the strongest communities in other aspects. Many of us have found that engaging in intentional outreach efforts to be of great benefit. This is not shocking news. However, we have found that with technology, we have some additional tools that make the practice a great deal more accessible than before. This page lists some of those ideas.

Intention

The foundations of our practice include cultivating self-compassion, loving kindness and appreciative joy for others. We have found these practices to be essential in our practice of cultivating community. As we set goals for reaching out, we celebrate all of our successes (sent a text) rather than focusing on what did not happen (only sent one text or someone did not text back) By celebrating our successes, we are not dismissing difficulties, but rather acknowledging that our successes are not erased, but are still with us in this practice letting go of suffering and noticing the joy around us.

Meetings

We started by just showing up and gradually increasing our level of engagement in meetings
Find a Meeting: https://recoverydharma.org/meetings
We started by attending meetings. Some of us just listened and when we were comfortable, introduce our selves. We stayed after the meeting to ask questions and exchange contact information
We began to explore Individual practices - like reading the book and meditating. This gave us something to share at meetings and during phone contacts.
We started texting people between meetings, just to say hello and connect
Back at meetings, we began to share how the practices or reading applied to our own path of recovery.
We started to volunteer to read readings
We started to volunteer to keep time
We started to show up early and stay late to help set up, volunteer to read, clean up or support others
Between meetings we reached out to facilitators and hosts to talk about increasing our level of service

Social Media

We found ways to engage with Social Media that supported our recovery. Some sources are official Recovery Dharma. Others are generated by small groups of members.

Recovery Dharma groups are active on: Email, Zoom, Insight Timer, Slack, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Reddit

The process of cultivating friendships through Social Media was much the same as other formats.

We introduced ourselves to others and became active
We found people with common interests
We started practicing with working the program
We started practices with texting and outreach calls

Texting Practice

Texting Practice is a great way to ease-in to making more contact with others. Not all of us took every step listed below, but some of us needed this level of detail, so we're sharing it all. Most popular texting platforms among us include: Phone, Email, Signal, Slack, WhatsApp and, FB Messenger.

Stay after meetings and gather contact information from other members
Text people right away - during or right after the meeting - to say "Hi, it's me, from RD"'
Start an RD Group in the Contacts List
Text people one or more times during the next week to say hello
After the next meeting, gather more contacts and send more greetings
Step it up: Shift texts over to mini shares. There are a variety of topics
1. Gratitude
2. Well wishes - "May your day be filled with...," - ease, joy, etc.
3. A struggle from today paired with a practice that has been helpful
4. Inquiring about their wellbeing on an issue they have discussed - We have learned to be careful with this one to make sure it is a topic they want to discuss again and receive support on. The best way we have found to do that is simply ask first.
Step up number of texts. There is one person who, at times, is able to practice sending 3 texts per day. They let go of the results and consider that their practice.

Knowing that a text has the capacity to brighten the day of a friend is a practice of generosity. It has it's own positive impact of weaving a sense of belonging and connection with others.

Outreach Calls

After sending texts for a while, we start making outreach calls to check in. Many of us struggle with what to say when we reach some one or when we reach a voicemail. Here are some ideas:

Expect to receive voicemail and rejoice in the opportunity to leave a message for a friend.
VM to phone call Topic ideas include:
1. Well wishes - "May your day be filled with...," - ease, joy, etc.
2. Gratitude
3. A struggle from today paired with a practice that has been helpful (excellent topic for a meeting)
4. Inquiring about their wellbeing on an issue they have discussed - We have learned to be careful with this one to make sure it is a topic they want to discuss again and receive support on. The best way we have found to do that is simply ask first.
Survey for a Mini Meeting - We stumbled across a wonderful phenomenon when calling a list of people during a difficult day. We shared in a sentence or two the struggle and the practices that have been helpful and then asked everyone the same question: "Have you had any similar experiences?" We ended up with a mini-meeting with our favorite people sharing on our own personal topic. If no struggle, the same survey as been successful using the topic of whatever portion of the book or inquiry we have been working with this week.
Increase the number of calls

- Because we value the positive impact of voicemail, the call and the VM are the measure of success
- Start with a few a week
- Increase to one call / Voice per day
- Increase to 3 calls / voicemail per day

Adjustments - Few of us have been able to maintain 3 calls per day, but it is a good practice to return to occasionally.

Fruits of Labor

We differentiate between the efforts we make - making the outreach call or text and the fruits - receiving responses. Our practice is to refrain from grasping at the fruits and allowing them to arise. This is a powerful practice that has cultivated change for us. There are many practices that help this process when it is difficult. A few that we have found helpful are:

Gratitude lists
Repeating phrases for compassion and loving kindness
Practice grounding with mindfulness of breath, or body sensation
Listening to recorded talks, readings of the book or reading the book

Circles of Friends

After a while, especially from hanging out after meetings - we start to form small groups of friends. Perhaps we discover that we struggle with the same types of harmful behaviors or have something else in common, or maybe we are just all at the same meeting every week, or we have the same weird sense of humor.

We have started to form Dharma Friend Circles. We form groups on WhatsApp, Signal, Slack, Facebook Messenger. These groups are usually temporary at first. We do not go through the process of setting up full meetings. The point of these circles is practicing ease and friendliness - and having a group of people to text for check ins - instead of - or in addition to - one person at a time.

In addition to having a crew of friends, the strength of this particular form of practice is that is is flexible, casual and constantly creative and moving. Groups come and go in activity and at the time of this writing, many cross over with people belonging to more than one so there is not dependence on one group or person.

Dharma Friends

After cultivating connections with people for a while, we may find someone with whom we share one of the most coveted aspect of recovery - a weekly time slot where both people are free :-)

When friendships and schedules match up, we start to meet with each other to have longer shares - 30 - 60 minutes. This is an ideal platform to share writings or insights from the Book Study and Inquiry practice. It also sometimes is a wonderful place to share about difficulties and the solutions we are finding.

Ideas for Dharma Friends Meeting

These are some ideas that some dharma friends have shared about their dharma friend meetings. Not all friends practice all ideas.

Make it a regular time - weekly, bi-weekly or monthly
Some have an open group, others have closed group of 2 - 4 people
Ring a bell at the beginning and end to center, Read dedication of merit at the end
In some pairs / groups, one person is the primary sharer, in others there is mutual sharing.
Some pairs / groups time the shares - either in big chunks - i.e. each person receives attention for 30 minutes. If the gathering more like a regular meeting, then timed shares of 3 or so minutes.
In some pairs / groups people work on the same inquiry item. In others, each person brings their own work and insight to share.
Friends sometimes share directly from their writing. Other times they share their insights from the combination of practices (reading, meditation, inquiry and listening) for the week / month

Work Circles

Many of us have found that among the strongest bonds we have made in this community have been with people we work with in governance or service circles. The practices of Loving Kindness, Wise Speech, Wise action and mindfulness of emotions are all needed in the work of solving problems and generating new ideas and content.

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