What Is Crosstalk?

Crosstalk may include, but is not limited to: giving unsolicited feedback, advice-giving, answering, making “you” and “we” statements, interrogating, debating, criticizing, controlling, or dominating. It may also include: minimizing another person’s feelings or experiences; physical contact or touch; body movements such as nodding, shaking one’s head, rolling eyes, or other gestures negating another person’s share; calling another person present by name; and verbal sounds or noises during or after a person’s share.

In our meeting we speak only about our own experience, and we listen without comment to what others share. When we acknowledge that another person’s share has affected us, we only do so by using “I” statements and saying something like, “I related to what was shared earlier...” or “In my experience...” We do not give advice. We work toward taking responsibility in our own lives. Crosstalk guidelines keep the principal of anonymity in focus and help keep our meeting a safe place.

Also, in keeping with this meeting’s custom and to insure a safe space for all, we do not clap or offer affirmations after a person’s share.

SHARING

All experiences are valuable and worthy of time and attention. Sharing is an important part of the recovery process. We share with “I” statements, we speak about our own experience, and we listen without comment to what others share. Many of us find speaking among others, especially strangers, a very difficult task. We discourage crosstalk or feedback, since as codependents we are working to achieve our own realities and break away from what others think, feel or advise. As we pursue our recovery, it is important to speak as we are able. 

Also, a friendly reminder that as this is a Women’s and Non-Binary group.  Not everyone here identifies as a woman or lady.  When addressing the group, consider avoiding gendered language like “women,” “ladies,” or “guys,” and opt instead for “everyone,” “you all,” “friends,” or “folks.”  The co-leader may put this reminder in the chat throughout the course of the meeting to maintain a safe and welcoming space for all.

CROSSTALK

Crosstalk guidelines help keep our meeting a safe place. Please follow the crosstalk guidelines and refrain from interrupting someone else’s share. On Zoom, if you need to have a conversation (at your location) when muted or if you need to move around please use the stop video button to keep the meetings focused on the share. We also discourage writing or taking notes during this time. Crosstalk guidelines also apply to any observers or students. If crosstalk is occurring, any fellow can say “Crosstalk – this is a gentle reminder to return to ‘I statements’.” Here are the Crosstalk Guidelines:  

• I use “I” statements when sharing. (I feel; I believe.) 

• I share my own experience, strength, and hope—no one else’s. 

• I refrain from commenting on what others share. 

• I share for three to four minutes, keeping the focus on myself. 

• I help myself and others by being emotionally present and honest. 

• I let others experience their own feelings; I keep my advice to myself. 

Newcomers' shares are welcome. We encourage you to take care of yourself during share time. If you hear something that makes you uncomfortable, it is okay to step away. 

About sharing... In our meetings we speak about our own experience and we listen without comment to what others share. We work toward taking responsibility in our own lives, rather than giving advice to others. Cross talk guidelines help keep our meetings a safe place. Further discussion about "cross talk" can be found in the CoDA Newcomer's Handbook and the CoDA booklet Experiences with Crosstalk.

You have the option to join this meeting with audio only, video only, or both, or to switch back and forth at your discretion. To reduce ambient noise, please mute your microphone, except when sharing, reading, or saying a phrase or prayer as a group. 

Anonymity is of utmost importance. To protect your fellows’ confidentiality, we request that no one else be in the same room as you during this meeting. Additionally, if it is possible that someone nearby could overhear, please wear headphones. As always, we rely on one another to uphold confidentiality. Thank you for your help in maintaining a safe meeting space. 

As a reminder, please turn off your cell phones, and keep your microphones muted when you are not sharing or reading.

The meeting is now open for sharing. It is important for each of us to speak as we are able. Many find speaking among others, especially strangers, a difficult task. We encourage you to begin slowly, and even to share your fear of speaking. It is the intention of every CoDA member and group to not ridicule or embarrass anyone. Nothing that is shared is unimportant or stupid. The sharing of our experiences is best done with I statements.

Crosstalk and feedback are discouraged. Crosstalk can be giving unsolicited feedback, advice giving, answering and making “you” and “we” statements. It may also include minimizing another person’s feelings or experiences, body movements and calling out another person present by name.

In our meetings we speak about our own experience, and we listen without comment to what others share. We work toward taking responsibility in our own lives, rather than giving advice to others. Crosstalk guidelines help keep our meeting a safe place. 

CoDA is an anonymous program. We ask that you respect the anonymity and confidentiality of each person in this meeting. We ask that what you see here, what is said here, when you leave here let it stay here.

We encourage you to speak on tonight’s step, although you may share on any subject that you wish. Please use earbuds or headphones if you are in a shared space to protect the anonymity and privacy of the group. [let group know we are now ready for sharing]

Our message is one of identification and hope. We identify our codependency by sharing with others how co-dependency developed in our childhoods, how we are working through our past to change our present, how it affects our lives, and what we are now doing in CoDA to recover.

It is the intention of every CoDA member and group not to ridicule or embarrass anyone! Nothing we have to share is unimportant or stupid. Therefore, we ask that you NOT interrupt someone else’s sharing, not make comments about others’ sharing nor give advice...and talk only about yourself.

● We discourage cross talk and/or feedback, since as codependents we are working to achieve

our own realities and break away from dependency upon what others think, feel or advise.

● We attempt to share ourselves with “I” statements.

● A reminder about anonymity – We ask that you respect the confidentiality of each person in

this meeting. What you see here, what is said here, when you leave here, let it stay here. (Here,

here!)

A reminder to all – It is inappropriate for anyone to exploit you romantically, sexually or financially. This is commonly known as 13th Stepping and is sometimes used in the guise of teaching the program. No one has the right to tell you how to work your program.

In this group, the crosstalk guidelines extend after the meeting. Please ask for permission to comment on or speak about someone's share.