Welcome to Los Angeles Co-Dependents Anonymous, a fellowship of people whose common purpose is to develop healthy relationships. The only requirement for membership is a desire for healthy and loving relationships.
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AM I CODEPENDENT?
AM I CODEPENDENT?
Welcome to the newcomers. We believe that recovery begins with an honest self-diagnosis.
Co-Dependents Anonymous offers no formal definition of codependence. Instead, CoDA offers Patterns & Characteristics of CoDependence from our own experience and codependent histories.
Some have also found the CoDA pamphlet Am I Co-Dependent? to be helpful as they evaluate themselves.
NEWS
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For CoDA news, click News
EVENTS
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For upcoming events, click Events
INTERGROUP
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The community group conscience meeting is the 2nd Sat of each month 9-10:45am in-person and online. More info at Intergroup.
Committee members don't need to attend the monthly Intergroup meeting, but can help with the Los Angeles CoDA info line, events, website, newsletter etc. on their own time. More info at Subcommittees
For transparency, LA CoDA Intergroup shares the minutes of the monthly meeting. The monthly treasury report is included in the minutes so members can see where their donations are going.
Donations go to Los Angeles CoDA Intergroup to provide the local website, phone line, newsletter, meeting lists, recovery pamphlets, bulk literature, events, outreach and more. Contributions help the codependent who still suffers find recovery.
Want to work CoDA's 12 Steps, but having trouble finding a sponsor?
Want to work CoDA's 12 Steps, but having trouble finding a sponsor?
Consider joining, or starting, a step study to work the steps in a group. This can be done by people with sponsors, those without a sponsor, or those continuing their search for a sponsor.
To thine own self be true
To thine own self be true
We gather together to support and share with each other in a journey of self-discovery -- learning to love the self
We gather together to support and share with each other in a journey of self-discovery -- learning to love the self
PATTERNS & CHARACTERISTICS OF CODEPENDENCE
PATTERNS & CHARACTERISTICS OF CODEPENDENCE
The Patterns & Characteristics of Codependence are offered as a tool to aid in self-evaluation. They may be particularly helpful to newcomers as they begin to understand codependency. They may aid those who have been in recovery a while to determine what traits still need attention and transformation.
Denial Patterns
Denial Patterns
Codependents often . . .
• have difficulty identifying what they are feeling.
• minimize, alter, or deny how they truly feel.
• perceive themselves as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well-being of others.
• lack empathy for the feelings and needs of others.
• label others with their negative traits.
• think they can take care of themselves without any help from others.
• mask pain in various ways such as anger, humor, or isolation.
• express negativity or aggression in indirect and passive ways.
• do not recognize the unavailability of those people to whom they are attracted.
Low Self-esteem Patterns
Low Self-esteem Patterns
Codependents often . . .
• have difficulty making decisions.
• judge what they think, say, or do harshly, as never good enough.
• are embarrassed to receive recognition, praise, or gifts.
• value others’ approval of their thinking, feelings, and behavior over their own.
• do not perceive themselves as lovable or worthwhile persons.
• seek recognition and praise to overcome feeling less than.
• have difficulty admitting a mistake.
• need to appear to be right in the eyes of others and may even lie to look good.
• are unable to identify or ask for what they need and want.
• perceive themselves as superior to others.
• look to others to provide their sense of safety.
• have difficulty getting started, meeting deadlines, and completing projects.
• have trouble setting healthy priorities and boundaries.
Compliance Patterns
Compliance Patterns
Codependents often . . .
• are extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
• compromise their own values and integrity to avoid rejection or anger.
• put aside their own interests in order to do what others want.
• are hypervigilant regarding the feelings of others and take on those feelings.
• are afraid to express their beliefs, opinions, and feelings when they differ from those of others.
• accept sexual attention when they want love.
• make decisions without regard to the consequences.
• give up their truth to gain the approval of others or to avoid change.
Control Patterns
Control Patterns
Codependents often . . .
• believe people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
• attempt to convince others what to think, do, or feel.
• freely offer advice and direction without being asked.
• become resentful when others decline their help or reject their advice.
• lavish gifts and favors on those they want to influence.
• use sexual attention to gain approval and acceptance.
• have to feel needed in order to have a relationship with others.
• demand that their needs be met by others.
• use charm and charisma to convince others of their capacity to be caring and compassionate.
• use blame and shame to exploit others emotionally.
• refuse to cooperate, compromise, or negotiate.
• adopt an attitude of indifference, helplessness, authority, or rage to manipulate outcomes.
• use recovery jargon in an attempt to control the behavior of others.
• pretend to agree with others to get what they want.
Avoidance Patterns
Avoidance Patterns
Codependents often . . .
• act in ways that invite others to reject, shame, or express anger toward them.
• judge harshly what others think, say, or do.
• avoid emotional, physical, or sexual intimacy as a way to maintain distance.
• allow addictions to people, places, and things to distract them from achieving intimacy in relationships.
• use indirect or evasive communication to avoid conflict or confrontation.
• diminish their capacity to have healthy relationships by declining to use the tools of recovery.
• suppress their feelings or needs to avoid feeling vulnerable.
• pull people toward them, but when others get close, push them away.
• refuse to give up their self-will to avoid surrendering to a power greater than themselves.
• believe displays of emotion are a sign of weakness.
• withhold expressions of appreciation.
The Patterns and Characteristics of Codependence may not be reprinted or republished without the express written consent of Co-Dependents Anonymous, Inc. This document may be reprinted from the website www.coda.org (CoDA) for use by members of the CoDA Fellowship. Copyright © 2011 Co-Dependents Anonymous, Inc. All rights reserved
Recovery Patterns
Recovery Patterns
For each Codependent Pattern, there is a corresponding Recovery Pattern. By making an honest effort to work the program of Co-Dependents Anonymous, these Recovery Patterns begin to appear in our lives.
SUGGESTED PROGRAM OF RECOVERY
CoDA's suggested program of recovery includes attending meetings, fellowship, sponsorship, literature, service work, and working the CoDA 12 Steps and 12 Traditions.
It is suggested that newcomers attend 6 different meetings before deciding if CoDA is for them, as the meetings vary in format and focus. To find a meeting, visit Meetings, check out About Meetings and Your First Meeting for tips.
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We've all learned to survive life, but in CoDA,
we are learning to live it.
~CoDA's Preamble
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