You and I both know if THE ROCK and VIN DIESEL fought an undercard bout, the baseball stadium would be packed, and buzzing with excitement. But for comedy’s sake, we should make the seating less than full and with only a slight buzz in the air. The Musk and Zuckerberg fight overshadows even this ULTIMATE Hollywood match.
Will Ferrell and Kevin Hart are the commentators for the undercard match.
Kevin Hart
Ladies and gentlemen, get ready for some heavyweight action! And by heavyweight, I mean these guys are so ripped, even their shadow has a six-pack!
Will Ferrell
That's right, Kevin! It's like they're in a competition with their own muscles. Who needs dumbbells when you can just flex your way through life?
KEVIN HART
If this is the undercard, I can’t wait to see the main bout.
WILL FERRELL
Don’t leave folks, it’s Zuckerberg and Musk coming up next.
Kevin Hart
And here they come, folks! Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, the man who can bench press a car just to find his keys, is strutting into the cage with his signature eyebrow raised.
WILL FERRELL
I don’t know what that means.
Kevin Hart
That means, Will? It's time for action!
Will Ferrell
Oh, it's action time, Kevin! But Vin Diesel isn't backing down either.
Kevin Hart
Diesel's here to prove that he's not just the "Fast and Furious" guy, he's the "Knockout and Hilarious" guy!
WILL FERRELL
With two equally matched fighters, each weighing in at a substantial 225 pounds, the fight organizers felt they needed to add a bit of legitimacy to the evening.
KEVIN HART
Well Dwayne Johnson and Vin Diesel. It doesn’t get any more legitimate than this. They’ve been intense rivals for a decade or more.
Will Ferrell
Absolutely, Kevin! And let's not forget the intense rivalry between Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and Vin Diesel. These guys have been giving each other the stink-eye since they were in diapers... or at least since they were action stars.
Kevin Hart
Oh, you're right, Kevin! The only thing bigger than their biceps is their feud. I mean, I've seen Hollywood divorces with less drama! Okay, to the ring…
Ring Announcer
Ladies and gentlemen, get ready for a clash of titans! In this corner, known for his charisma and explosive energy, weighing in at 260 pounds, it's Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson!
Dwayne Johnson strides into the spotlight, his signature eyebrow raise and confident smirk capturing the crowd's admiration. He flexes his muscles, exuding an aura of determination that fills the arena.
Ring Announcer
And in the opposing corner, a force to be reckoned with, weighing in at 225 pounds, it's Vin Diesel!
Vin Diesel enters the ring with a focused demeanor, his intense gaze locking onto Dwayne Johnson. The atmosphere is charged with anticipation as the two stars stand face-to-face, their rivalry transcending the silver screen.
BELL RINGS
The match begins with a stare-down that could shatter glass. The tension is palpable as Dwayne Johnson and Vin Diesel circle each other, sizing up their opponent's every move. The crowd's excitement reaches a fever pitch.
Dwayne Johnson
(grinning)
Vin, you're stepping into the ring with the real action hero now.
Vin Diesel
(smirking)
Action hero, huh? I've played a few roles myself, Dwayne. Let's see if you can keep up.
The first round kicks off with an explosive exchange of punches and kicks. Dwayne Johnson's speed and agility are on full display as he maneuvers around the ring. Vin Diesel's raw strength allows him to weather the blows and counter with powerful strikes of his own.
Kevin Hart
And the match begins! Look at them circling each other like a couple of lions trying to decide who's going to be king of the jungle gym. Will, have you ever seen two guys so ready to rumble?
Will Ferrell
Not since the last time I watched a marathon of action movies while eating a family-sized bucket of popcorn, Kevin! But seriously, these guys are like the ultimate showdown between a tornado and a hurricane. Who's gonna blow the other away?
Kevin Hart
Oh, it's hard to tell, Will! Dwayne Johnson is moving like a gazelle out there, and Vin Diesel is throwing punches like he's auditioning for the next "Punch Club" sequel!
Will Ferrell
And did you see that dodge? Johnson just dipped out of the way like he was avoiding paying taxes, Kevin!
Dwayne Johnson
(ducking a punch)
You're throwing punches like you're trying to win a drag race!
Vin Diesel
(landing a solid blow)
And you're dancing around like you're in a musical, Rock!
As the rounds progress, the match becomes a seesaw battle of skill versus power. Dwayne Johnson's quick jabs and acrobatic moves keep Vin Diesel on his toes, while Vin's crushing blows test Johnson's endurance.
WILL FERRELL
This is a clash of Hollywood icons like we've never seen before. These two titans are stepping out of the movies and into the ring!
KEVIN HART
Absolutely, and you can feel the intensity in the air. Both Johnson and Diesel are known for their physical prowess, and they're bringing that raw power to the mat tonight.
Dwayne Johnson
(evading a haymaker)
Come on, Vin, I've wrestled with giants – you're not even Groot!
Vin Diesel
(blocking a combo)
You're talking like a Hercules, Dwayne. Let's see if you've got the muscles to match!
WILL FERRELL
Johnson's using his athleticism to his advantage, while Diesel's relying on his sheer strength.
KEVIN HART
These two have a history that goes beyond the ring – their rivalry has been building for years. This is their chance to settle the score.
As the rounds progress, the match becomes a seesaw battle of skill versus power. Dwayne Johnson's quick jabs and acrobatic moves keep Vin Diesel on his toes, while Vin's crushing blows test Johnson's endurance. Slowly the audience is getting into the fight. The seats are filling up and the crowd becomes louder and louder.
Kevin Hart
Will, they're really giving it their all. This fight is so intense, even the popcorn kernels in the stands are popping out of excitement!
Will Ferrell
You're right, Kevin! And the crowd is on their feet, roaring like they're at a zoo watching two alpha gorillas fight over the last banana!
Kevin Hart
It's coming down to the wire, Will! Both of these guys want to prove they're the top dog, the alpha male, the heavyweight champion of... well, heavyweights!
In the final moments of the match, both Johnson and Diesel unleash a flurry of blows, each determined to secure a decisive victory. The crowd's energy is electric as the BELL RINGS to signal the end of the match.
Will Ferrell
And there's the final bell! The judges are scoring this match, Kevin. What a showdown! I haven't seen this much action since I tried to wrestle a vending machine when it took my money.
Ring Announcer
Ladies and gentlemen, after an intense battle, the judges have reached a decision – it's a split draw!
The crowd erupts in a mix of cheers and disappointment, reflecting the divided opinions on the outcome. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and Vin Diesel, both battered but still standing, exchange a respectful nod before leaving the ring.
Kevin Hart
And the decision is... a split draw? WHAT? Seriously? These guys went at it like they were auditioning for "Rocky 37: Bigger Biceps, Bigger Fights." I guess even Hollywood endings can have a twist, Will!
Will Ferrell
You said it, Kevin! But hey, that's showbiz for you. Now, let's see if they take their fight to the big screen or stick to the ring. Either way, I hope they remember to stretch before the next round!
Inside the cage, the crowd continues to boo the judge’s scoring.
Dwayne Johnson
(catching his breath, extending his hand)
Vin, that was one hell of a fight.
Vin Diesel
(grinning, shaking Dwayne's hand) You too, Dwayne. We really gave them a show.
Despite the sweat, cuts, and bruises that adorn their faces, both Dwayne Johnson and Vin Diesel share a moment of mutual respect. The crowd's energy seems to melt away as the two heavyweights, who had been at each other's throats just moments ago, now stand side by side.
Dwayne Johnson
(leaning in)
You know, Vin, when we stepped into this ring, it was all about settling our differences.
Vin Diesel
(nodding)
That's right, Dwayne. We had something to prove to each other and to the world.
Dwayne Johnson
(smirking)
But damn, you really brought your A-game. That right hook of yours? It's got some serious torque.
Vin Diesel
(laughing)
And those combinations of yours? Lightning-fast and powerful. You're like a T-Rex.
Dwayne Johnson
(chuckling)
T-Rex, huh? I'll take that as a compliment.
Their banter is genuine, a testament to the bond forged in the fire of competition. As they exchange words, the crowd's noise seems to fade, leaving only the two fighters and their shared experience.
Vin Diesel
(laughing)
No doubt, man. Hey, what do you say we make a movie together?
Dwayne Johnson
(raising an eyebrow)
A movie, huh? I'm listening.
Vin Diesel
(leaning in)
Let’s team up for the ultimate blockbuster. We'll have explosions, car chases, and of course, some bone-crushing fights.
Dwayne Johnson
(nodding)
No, I’m done with this bullshit.
Vin Diesel
No, I mean a film. We’ll let the stunt guys beat the shit of each other.
Dwayne Johnson
I like where you're going with this. But what's the angle? What's the story?
Vin Diesel
A western.
Dwayne Johnson
(rubbing his injured jaw)
No, I’ve had enough of Texas.
Vin Diesel
(grinning)
Well, it doesn’t matter. Let’s make a billion. Screw Barbie! We're just as badass as she is. We'll play two elite agents, thrown together to stop a global threat. It'll have heart, humor, and enough testosterone to power a rocket.
Dwayne Johnson
(chuckles)
And a billion dollars at the box office? How much for us?
Vin Diesel
(holding out his hand)
Enough. What do you say?
Dwayne Johnson
(firmly shaking his hand)
Well, Vin, I don't have all the ideas, but I've got people who can cook up something legendary.
Kevin Hart
Hold on a second, Will! Did you see that? Right after the fight, The Rock and Vin Diesel are having what looks like a Hollywood pow-wow in the ring. I mean, are they negotiating their next big action flick while they're still catching their breath? That's multitasking on a whole new level!
WIL FERRELL
Oh, I can't wait to see what they come up with. It's like they're creating a whole new genre: action-packed comedy that punches you in the gut while making you laugh till you cry.
Vin Diesel
(enthusiastic)
That's what I'm talking about! Okay, let's do it.
Dwayne Johnson
(grinning)
You know, I've always wanted to drive a tank through a wall. Think we can work that in?
Vin Diesel
(laughing)
Oh, you better believe it. And I know just the wall. I hate that sucker.
Dwayne Johnson
Maybe we'll throw in a couple of explosions for good measure.
Vin Diesel
(slapping Vin on the back)
That's the spirit. Let's give Barbie something to be jealous about!
As the two Hollywood heavyweights share a laugh and discuss their potential collaboration, their new camaraderie shines through. The audience is giving them a standing ovation.