VR Training Montages

Mike Birbiglia: "VR Training Montages"

City: Boston
Comedy Club: Laugh Boston
Date: October 6, 2023
Topic: VR Training Montages
Joke: "Imagine Zuckerberg in a VR training montage—instead of boxing gloves, he's got Like and Share buttons!"

Welcome to the (Virtual) Jungle

Hey, everyone! I recently watched "Zuckerberg vs Musk: Cage Fight," and man, do I have some thoughts! I’ve been watching movies my whole life, but this one? This is like if Rocky met The Matrix and then both of them were somehow directed by a rogue Reddit forum.

Matrix 2.0: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Oculus

Did you guys catch the training montages in this thing? Forget jumping ropes or pounding raw meat—these tech titans are training in virtual reality! According to Jamie Braidwood from The Independent, they were "dead serious" about this. Like, how do you train for a cage fight in VR? Imagine Zuckerberg standing in his living room, wearing his Oculus, just...punching the air? I don't know if that prepares you for a fight or just helps you get really good at playing Wii Sports.

Oh, You Want Real Sweat? Sorry, We've Gone Digital.

VR training, guys. It's where we've landed. You can ski, box, or swim with sharks, all while never leaving your bedroom. It’s like exercise for people who hate the feeling of air on their skin.

Wii Were Here First

Hey, don't knock it until you've tried it, right? It’s actually a weird commentary on where sports training could go in the future. Imagine LeBron James saying, "Hey, I'm just going to hop into VR for some quick 3-point drills before the game." The future is wild. But here's the thing: you can simulate the movements, but can you simulate the sweat, the pain, the sheer exhaustion? Until you can download 'Muscle Cramp 3.0,' it's not the same.

When Simulations Meet Reality

Let's talk about the moment when Elon Musk’s avatar in the movie takes on a Grimes-inspired character in a simulation. First, how many layers of simulation are we in? I feel like I'm stuck in a Christopher Nolan film with no exit. Second, can you simulate chemistry? Maybe that’s what the film is hinting at—the idea that VR can be as potent a tool for relationship building as it is for athletic training. I mean, you can virtually dodge a punch, but can you dodge relationship responsibilities? I’m married; I can tell you that's the ultimate boss level.

Loading Humanity: Please Wait

Do we think the film believes in the transformative power of VR, or is it poking fun at how far we've strayed from good old-fashioned human interaction? This film can't seem to decide if it's a Black Mirror episode or a glorified commercial for the Oculus Rift. Maybe it's both. Maybe it's neither. I mean, who knows what's real anymore? Heck, maybe I'm a simulation, and this is just really good CGI.

In Summary: VR Can't Save Everything, But It Tries

Look, "Zuckerberg vs Musk: Cage Fight" is an oddball film. If you ever wondered how a meme would look if it got a Hollywood budget, this is it. But the VR training scenes? Those take the cake. They're an ode to our unbridled optimism about technology, an optimism that sometimes forgets you can't download courage or upload determination. And you definitely can't simulate the ridiculous joy of watching two billionaires pretend to be UFC fighters for two hours. Reality, it turns out, is still where the real comedy happens.

SCENES FROM THE MOVIE

Imagine if Mike Birbiglia directed a sci-fi blockbuster about Silicon Valley cage fights. I know, it's a stretch, but stick with me. We're diving into the uncanny valley... of comedy! Here are scenes that explore the role of Virtual Reality in training for this monumental cage fight.

Scene 1: "The Sims Showdown"

Description: Zuckerberg in a VR simulation, but he keeps building houses and adding pools without ladders. Musk walks in and asks, "Are you training or trapping virtual people?"

Scene 2: "The Matrix Mistake"

Description: Musk picks the red pill in his VR simulation, expecting some martial arts expertise download, but ends up in a My Little Pony universe.

Scene 3: "Fruit Ninja Fitness"

Description: Zuckerberg, instead of practicing punches, is slicing watermelons and strawberries in VR Fruit Ninja. He claims it's for "hand-eye coordination."

Scene 4: "Virtual Veganism"

Description: Musk tries a new VR simulation that claims to increase his empathy to help with focus. He comes out refusing to fight anything but plants.

Scene 5: "Quest for the Headset"

Description: A short montage of Zuckerberg and Musk fighting over the last Oculus Rift in stock at a Best Buy, all choreographed like a dance-fight in West Side Story.

Scene 6: "Ready Player None"

Description: Both fighters enter a VR world that simulates... another VR world. It’s VR-ception, and they get virtually stuck in a recursive loop.

Scene 7: "The Virtual Timeout"

Description: In the middle of their VR training, both get notifications for a system update and have to wait, teaching them the most crucial skill: patience.

Scene 8: "Beat Saber or Light Saber?"

Description: Musk is seen vigorously slicing through blocks to techno music in Beat Saber but claims he's actually practicing his light saber skills for when he colonizes Mars.

Scene 9: "VR for Emotional Rescue"

Description: Zuckerberg uses a VR simulation for emotional training. It’s just him sitting down with a virtual therapist discussing why he wants to win so badly.

Scene 10: "Wii Sports Revival"

Description: A flashback scene where both tech giants reminisce about their first foray into virtual sports via Wii. Then they realize it's a far cry from their Oculus-enabled simulations.

So there you have it, folks. The future of athletic training is not sweat but pixels, not gyms but graphics cards. It's so realistic, you'll forget you're not actually exercising! Ah, technology.