Scene: Tesla Space Headquarters
Characters:
Tony Stark (played by Robert Downey Jr.)
Elon Musk
Jarvis (AI assistant, Voice-over)
Pepper Potts
Space Intern (very new, very overwhelmed)
Hologram of Mark Zuckerberg
We see Tony Stark in his casual attire, touring the facility with Elon Musk. Both wear sunglasses indoors for inexplicable yet perfectly on-brand reasons.
TONY STARK:
So, you want to go to Mars because Earth is too mainstream?
ELON MUSK:
I prefer the term "backup planet," Tony. You of all people should appreciate the importance of redundancy.
TONY STARK:
You got me there.
They pass by a SPACE INTERN nervously fumbling with a sophisticated looking gadget.
SPACE INTERN:
(whispering to himself)
Don't drop it. Don't drop it. Don't drop it...
The INTERN DROPS IT. A loud CRASH follows. Both Tony and Elon wince.
TONY STARK:
Yikes. That's coming out of someone's cosmic paycheck.
ELON MUSK:
(presses button on his phone)
Send that to the "Not-going-to-Mars" pile.
Jarvis interrupts through Tony Stark's earpiece.
JARVIS:
Sir, Ms. Potts is calling. Also, Mark Zuckerberg has tweeted about your visit.
TONY STARK:
(taps earpiece to answer)
Hey, Pep. You won't believe who I'm hanging with.
Pepper Potts appears on a holographic screen. She looks unimpressed.
PEPPER POTTS:
Unless it's a NASA accountant who can explain your recent "business expenses," I'm not interested.
TONY STARK:
Even better. I'm with the man who's making NASA obsolete.
ELON MUSK:
(waves at the hologram)
Hey, Pepper. Want to go to Mars?
PEPPER POTTS:
I can barely get you to go to couples' therapy, Tony.
Tony LAUGHS, Elon CHUCKLES, and the screen goes black as Pepper hangs up.
TONY STARK:
She's the reason I haven't bought a one-way ticket to your red paradise yet.
ELON MUSK:
Fair enough. We're still working on the Wi-Fi up there anyway.
JARVIS:
Sir, Mark Zuckerberg has tweeted, "Elon Musk might be aiming for the stars, but Facebook Connect is bringing people together without leaving Earth. #DownToEarth."
TONY STARK:
Ooh, a subtweet. Classy.
ELON MUSK:
Please, the only connection he’s made is connecting people's data to advertisers.
Elon hits a button, and a hologram of Mark Zuckerberg appears.
HOLOGRAM OF MARK ZUCKERBERG:
I heard that.
TONY STARK:
Look who's joining the cosmic party.
ELON MUSK:
Tell me, Mark. How's the metaverse coming along? Last I checked, reality is still in beta.
The hologram of Zuckerberg flickers and vanishes.
TONY STARK:
And he unfriends us. What a world.
ELON MUSK:
In that case, want to take a SpaceX rocket for a spin?
TONY STARK:
Oh, you had me at "Space."
Both laugh and stride off, leaving the nervous Space Intern picking up the pieces of the dropped gadget.
SPACE INTERN:
(to himself)
Is it too late to switch from Team Zuckerberg to Team Musk?
Fade to black, cue laugh track.
END SCENE.