Scarlett Johansson

Zuckerberg vs Musk Cage Fight

Scene: A Coffee Shop in Hollywood

Characters:


[ScarJo walks into the coffee shop, wearing large sunglasses and a hoodie. Elon Musk is already there, sitting at a corner table with blueprints for a Mars habitat.]

Barista: (not recognizing her) Hi, welcome to StarBeans, what can I get you?

ScarJo: A double, tall, half-sweet, non-fat, caramel macchiato with soy milk, please.

Barista: You just ordered coffee like it's a film script! Anything else?

ScarJo: Nope, that's it. (pauses) Wait, do you have anything...futuristic?

Barista: Um, we have almond milk?

ScarJo: (laughs) Sure, why not. Throw it in there.


[ScarJo spots Elon Musk and walks over to his table.]

ScarJo: Hey Elon, what are you working on?

Elon: Ah, Scarlett! Just finalizing plans for my new Martian coffee shop, "StarshipBeans." Wanna invest?

ScarJo: Does it come with intergalactic WiFi?

Elon: Naturally. Also, you can pay in Dogecoin.


[Barista calls out an order for a "Karen."]

Customer 1: (rushing to the counter) Is this gluten-free, dairy-free, and sugar-free?

Barista: It's water, Karen.


[Back to ScarJo and Elon.]

ScarJo: So, you really think people will go to Mars for coffee?

Elon: Scarlett, people went to 'Cats' the musical for entertainment; they'll go to Mars for coffee.

ScarJo: Fair point. Hey, did you see my tweet about supporting you in the cage fight against Zuckerberg?

Elon: I did, and I’m thrilled! As a token of my appreciation, I’ve sent you a Tesla...toy car.

ScarJo: A toy car?

Elon: Battery not included.

ScarJo: Classic Elon.


[ScarJo’s phone rings with a "Lucy" ringtone.]

ScarJo: (answering phone) Hello?

Elon: (leaning in curiously) Is it NASA?

ScarJo: No, it's my agent... (pauses) I just got offered a role in the sequel to 'Ghost in the Shell.'

Elon: What's it called? 'Ghost in the Quantum Computer'?

ScarJo: (laughs) No, but they want to pay me in Bitcoin.

Elon: Ah, welcome to the future!

ScarJo: Or a very confusing tax season.


[Scene fades out as they both laugh, take a selfie, and ScarJo accidentally knocks over Elon's Martian coffee blueprints.]

Elon: (sarcastic) Perfect, now it’s a coffee planet.

ScarJo: And the first resident will be a Barista!


[End of Scene]