Xu Ren pushed the door open and entered. He saw that Yi Zhe was again doing his "exclusive indoor triathlon" with his upper body bare, his routine unshakeable come what may, so he quickly locked the door behind him. He removed his thick gloves and rubbed his hands together.

"You're showing off your body in front of me on purpose, aren't you?" Xu Ren crouched down beside Yi Zhe's rising and falling body, and said laughingly. "I heard that the Russians are going to hold a naked race to celebrate the return of the sun soon. We're counting on you to win honour for our country!"

Yi Zhe ignored him. His attention was focused on getting every push-up perfectly right.

Xu Ren pursed his mouth and began his usual routine of enjoying the view of a nicely-muscled handsome man's body. As he did every day, he asked, "Are you cold?" After he got a "No" in response, Xu Ren, again as usual, started to feel his aesthetic senses getting weary. He made some noise about how boring it was and sat before the desk and started checking his email.

"Fuck!"

There were three more reps to go before meeting today's target. Xu Ren's shout shook Yi Zhe's ears and he finally looked up to glance at him. After all, even though Xu Ren was someone who was usually long-winded, he rarely swore.

However, Xu Ren did not follow up this shout with any words. It was only when Yi Zhe got up and grabbed an item of clothing to cover himself that he finally stammered, "What… What do I do…"

"What do you do about what?"

"My goddess… My goddess seems to be… confessing to me…"

Yi Zhe paused.

Xu Ren was single-mindedly rubbing his own thigh. "I only skimmed through it, I haven't read it properly. No, no, I need to make some mental preparations."

Something sounded with a ding, interrupting Xu Ren's shaky and trembling "preparation."

"Yi Zhe, Yi Zhe. You have an email. You read yours first! I… I'm going to drink some water and let my emotions ferment."

Yi Zhe looked at Xu Ren. He felt that all he saw with this look could be described with just one word: coward.

In these few months, the emails Yi Zhe received were all of two types—junk mails and emails from Zhao Weifan. Just yesterday, Zhao Weifan had ranted to him about how her company cafeteria could do something like stir-fry sliced beancurd with green peppers, and even make the dish sweet. Yi Zhe felt that she probably wouldn't send an email today. He didn't want to bother checking but Xu Ren was single-mindedly urging him to so he had no choice but to sit before the computer. He thought he might as well clear his inbox.

But after he enlarged the email window, Yi Zhe's hand that was holding the mouse stopped moving. This email came with a proper name. Even though he did not recognise this unconventional name that had a strange symbol, it was obviously not junk mail.

Subject: Notification

The content was just one short line: Isla asked me to let you know that she has died.

For a while, it did not register in Yi Zhe's mind who "Isla" was referring to.

When he finally understood that email, the heat that had risen in his body from his workout just now seemed to dissipate in a flash. In the blink of an eye, a chill crept all the way down to his fingertips.

He stared at that email for a full minute before slowly clicking on the red X.

Yi Zhe ignored Xu Ren who was taking deep breaths repeatedly next to him. He pulled on another two items of clothing, then put on a thick coat, a hat and a mask, his movements robotic. He opened the door.

As before, there was no sunlight outside.

He walked forward, ignoring the gradually fading artificial lights, his head bowed the entire time. The snow that stayed unmelted all year round crunched beneath his feet, drumming a beat on his numbed mental state together with the whistling wind.

Have you finally gotten what you desire?

He did not know how far he walked. The wind suddenly grew stronger and Yi Zhe swayed. He narrowed his eyes, looking at the snow and flecks of ice dancing wildly in the wind. His body was inclined but he did not know who it was that he was pitting his strength against. He was just moving forward, step by persevering step, all the way until his right foot seemed to land on empty air and the feeling of losing his balance pervaded his entire body. With his eyes wide open, Yi Zhe saw the world in his vision flip around.

On the seventeenth day of the polar night at the South Pole, Yi Zhe finally realised that he might be suffering from the polar T3 syndrome that people talked about—his brain was becoming sluggish, his spatial awareness was weakening, and his emotions seem to have fallen into a boundless abyss. No matter how deeply he breathed, he seemed unable to take in enough oxygen.

The second his head made contact with the ice and snow, Yi Zhe looked up at the pitch-dark sky and even had the thought, Is this what it feels like to die?

As ever, the last thing he saw before he closed his eyes was Xu Tangcheng. That night, he had stood there and thanked all of them in a stammering voice, his glass raised. When he turned his head around, Xu Tangcheng was leaning back comfortably against the chair, hands crossed and resting lightly on his leg, head slightly tilted, face looking at him with a faint smile.

The lights of the revelry were reflected in those eyes and right in the center was him, Yi Zhe.

When Yi Zhe returned, from far he heard Shan-ge's shouting. Xu Ren's eyes were sharp. He was the first to spot him and immediately called out. When Yi Zhe had walked over and was standing before Shan-ge, a tongue-lashing ferocious enough to split his skull lashed down on him.

"Do you fucking think that the search and rescue team is spending too much time sleeping? Look! Just you look! They've even pulled together a damned team! Leaving the base without permission is not allowed! Leaving the base without permission is not allowed! Do you understand human language! Do you know how long you were out there?"

Yi Zhe let out a cough, clearing his painfully dry throat. "I'm sorry."

"Don't fucking give me that!" Just as he was about to continue scolding, he suddenly saw what was on Yi Zhe's body and he felt the flames of anger in his body leaping up a few meters higher. "You even fell into a fucking pit?"

Yi Zhe looked down. He didn't say anything.

"You think you're invincible, don't you!"

Xu Ren hastily held Shan-ge back. "Shixiong, Shixiong, it's all right. He came back safely after all."

After saying that, he mouthed his words at Shan-ge persistently. "He's in a bad mood, a bad mood."

Shan-ge shot a look at the few curious onlookers around them and tried hard to calm himself down for a while. He shouted at Yi Zhe, "Write a self-reflection! 8,000 words!"

An 8,000 words long self-reflection essay was impossible for Yi Zhe. He sat before the desk and stared at the blank paper spread out on it, spacing out.

"Don't write it. Wait 'til Shixiong's anger has died down, then talk to him for a bit and it'll be fine," Xu Ren said, sprawled on the bed.

Yi Zhe sat for a while more. Other than the two words "Self-Reflection," he had come up with nothing. He really had no idea how to explain his actions today. Even he himself did not know what on earth was the reason why his emotions had suddenly burst the dam.

Yi Zhe stood up, planning to sleep for a while. While taking off his clothes, he heard Xu Ren let out a shout. His shirt still wrapped around his head, Yi Zhe suddenly felt the world spun around him. By the time he could react, he realised that Xu Ren had picked him up and was carrying him on his shoulder.

"Fuck!" Yi Zhe tore off his shirt and cursed. "Are you mad?"

It took too much strength for Xu Ren to carry Yi Zhe after all. Yi Zhe had just finished speaking when the two of them toppled onto the bed. Yi Zhe exhaled and looked at Xu Ren with utmost resignation. He realised that the person pressing down on him from above was still full of foolish joy.

"My goddess said to me, 'I love you'." Xu Ren lifted his head and looked at him, smiling wide enough to reveal his teeth.

People in love were all fools. Yi Zhe decided not to bicker with a fool. He pushed Xu Ren's head. "Get up. I don't sleep in the same bed with other men."

Submerged in the bliss of that "I love you," Xu Ren didn't discern the information hidden in Yi Zhe's words. He pressed down on Yi Zhe, not letting him move, and pulled Yi Zhe's hand to put it on his own chest. "Feel it. My heart's about to leap out of my chest."

Yi Zhe pulled his hand back without much interest. "First love?"

"Yeah! It's the first time someone said 'I love you' to me and it's even my goddess that I've liked for a long time!" Xu Ren pounded the bed in joy. "I feel like I'm going crazy! I feel so high that I want to race naked with that group of people! Was it the same for you the first time you heard the person you like say 'I love you'?"

When he heard the question, Yi Zhe stared blankly at the ceiling. The ruckus Xu Ren was making echoed incessantly in his ears. After a long while, Yi Zhe suddenly threw out a word, his voice dull. "No."

Xu Ren didn't realise what he was saying. "Huh?"

He has never said that to me, Yi Zhe thought.

Perhaps the dejection on Yi Zhe's face was too obvious. Xu Ren didn't know what had happened but for a moment, he didn't dare ask rashly. He was still thinking when Yi Zhe pushed him away and stood up.

When the two of them had washed up and were lying on their beds, Xu Ren tossed and turned a few times, then looked up at the darkness and called out to Yi Zhe.

"Yi Zhe."

"Mm?"

Xu Ren asked carefully, "Are you in a bad mood?"

Yi Zhe didn't say anything.

"You've been here for almost six months already, right? In a closed environment like this, it's very easy for people to become gloomy and depressed. I've only been here for five months and I'm already starting to feel that it's unbearable.

Yi Zhe smiled. "But I can't tell at all that you're gloomy or depressed."

"I'm a cheerful person. But you're not the same. I can tell that you don't like chatting." Xu Ren paused a while, then continued to say, "What you did today—going out without saying a word—is really quite dangerous. When the search and rescue team stated the level of danger, Shixiong's eyes reddened. I'm serious, don't do this next time. If you're in a bad mood and you want to go out for a walk, I'll go with you. Or, at the very least, you should let us know."

"Mm, I won't do it next time. Today… was a little special."

Yi Zhe wanted to explain but he also really didn't know where to even begin explaining. Fortunately, Xu Ren was a considerate person and added a few more comforting words. "It's okay now. If you're still in a bad mood, go to the mental health counselors and have a chat with them. In this place, you really can't just keep it all in."

"Yeah."

When Xu Ren thought that today's conversation had come to an end, Yi Zhe asked suddenly, "Are you together with your goddess now?"

Xu Ren felt overwhelmed by this show of favour. Ever since he came to the South Pole, he had stayed with Yi Zhe. Even though the two of them would usually chat with each other, he had always been the one who initiated the conversation. Yi Zhe had never shown concern for Xu Ren's personal matters.

"We are!" Xu Ren became very excited talking about this. "It's really like I'm dreaming. I had never dared to confess to her, I had always felt that I didn't deserve her. I never thought that she would actually confess to me."

Yi Zhe fell silent for a couple of seconds. "Didn't deserve her?"

"Yeah. It's the gap between a mortal and a celestial maiden."

"In that case, congrats." Yi Zhe continued to ask, "Why is she your goddess?"

Xu Ren no longer cared that Yi Zhe's behaviour was out of the norm today, his words poured out like a torrent. "Needless to say, she's beautiful and she's also very nice. The two of us study at the same university. I just feel that every part of her is exceptionally good. There was once when I joined a public speaking competition. She was sitting right below the stage. I was super nervous and then, I forgot my lines. She smiled at me and raised her hands and clapped for me softly. She's a very gentle person."

Xu Ren continued to talk a lot. Yi Zhe listened patiently, occasionally saying something in response or asking a question. In the end, Xu Ren asked, "What about you? You don't seem to have a girlfriend but you have someone you like, right?"

Yi Zhe asked, "How do you know?"

"I've never seen you give your girlfriend a call but you frequently space out and frequently stare at your phone for a long time. There was one time when I accidentally—really, it was an accident—saw that you were looking at your gallery. But I didn't see clearly, I think it was just a side profile."

"Mm." Yi Zhe was silent for a few seconds before replying. "There's someone I like a lot."

Xu Ren didn't know if he should ask his next question but for once, Yi Zhe seemed to have opened the doors to his heart just a little tonight. So he closed his eyes and thought that he might as well throw caution to the wind and ask.

"Did you two get together?"

"Yeah."

"Then, right now… you two have broken up?"

Yi Zhe was lying on his side. He opened his eyes. Without him realising it, his hand had moved to touch the item under his pillow.

He held that cold plastic card in his hand. After a few moments of silence, he finally said slowly. "No, it's not really a break up."

Don't seem to be together but not broken up? Xu Ren pondered over it for a long time and felt that there must be a long story behind this but he knew his limits and didn't continue asking. He only let out a faint sigh and said to this roommate of his that never got close to anyone, "I'm really curious to know what kind of person is it that you like."

Perhaps it was because of Xu Ren's words; after so long, Yi Zhe finally met Xu Tangcheng again in his dreams that night. At the start, it was the same as before, just his gaze focusing on him. Then, the scene changed suddenly, changing to Xu Tangcheng pulling his collar with one hand, pulling him towards himself, his intoxicated eyes hiding a smile, peering at him, asking, "Do you want to?"

Both their breaths were heated, curling together, going out of control.

Yi Zhe's gaze swept across Xu Tangcheng's eyes, his nose, and finally, his mouth. His throat rolled and he squeezed out a line in a hoarse voice, "Are you drunk?"

Xu Tangcheng let out a laugh, then moved forward again, coming closer to him.

"Yi Zhe, today… if you miss this chance, it will never come again."

In the dream, he could hardly wait to kiss him. He had the impatience of youth, blind in love and full of passion. Every inch a wildfire.

In the pitch darkness, Yi Zhe woke up and laid a hand over his own heart.

Day 164 at the South Pole. Thinking of you, my heart still beats fiercely.

T/N:

Xu Ren's "Xu" is 徐 xú while Xu Tangcheng's "Xu" is 许 xǔ. They are not related.