Two seconds later, Yi Zhe lowered his head swiftly.

Xu Tangcheng opened his mouth, wanting to say something, but he saw Yi Zhe raise a hand and down his entire glass of beer.

He suddenly remembered that a long time ago, his heart had also once ached because of the look in Yi Zhe's eyes. It had also been a winter's day; the difference was that the look in those eyes that evening had made him really want to keep Yi Zhe company and because of that, he said he wanted to treat him to a meal.

How uncomfortable the bike's crossbar was to sit on, how beautiful the moonlight on the streets was—he still remembered all of that vividly.

"Senior, what's on your mind? Will you be going home? Are you drinking?"

"Hmm?" Xu Tangcheng hastily returned to his senses. "I'm not drinking. I'm going home later."

"Then you should hurry up and eat," Yu An said considerately from the side. "The weather tonight's not good. The forecast said there might be snow. You should leave earlier if you're going home."

"Yeap, yeap," Lu Ming agreed. "Senior, hurry up and eat."

But Xu Tangcheng wasn't in the mood at all. After Yi Zhe lowered his head, he didn't raise it again. Even when anyone talked to him, he only turned his head to reply. He completely avoided looking in Xu Tangcheng's direction.

When the most anticipated Big Plate Chicken was served, someone tasted it and said that it was cold. The few of them discussed whether or not to ask for it to be heated up. But there were too many diners in the restaurant right now. Lu Ming stood up and called out a couple of times but no one came, so a junior said it was fine, it wasn't very cold anyway, they could make do with it.

Xu Tangcheng also reached out with his chopsticks, wanting to get a piece to try, but he was stopped by a voice suddenly cutting into the discussion.

"I think we should get them to heat it up." Yi Zhe looked at the people at the table very calmly, his eyes also sweeping past Xu Tangcheng. "I'll go call someone."

After saying that, he stood up, paying no heed to anyone else, and called a server over to take the Big Plate Chicken away.

Xu Tangcheng gripped his chopsticks, feeling discomfited as he watched Yi Zhe sit back down and continue drinking his beer, as though the short interlude just now had not happened.

"Yi Zhe."

He finally called his name.

Yi Zhe stopped moving for a short while before lifting his head to look at him.

"Don't drink too much. You need to sit in the car later."

The young man opposite him pursed his lips and nodded. He put the beer can in his hands back on the table.

The Big Plate Chicken was served again. It came together with one of the restaurant's specialties: dumpling knots soup. The server placed bowl after bowl of the soup on the table and when picking up the third bowl, said, "This one doesn't have coriander."

Xu Tangcheng's heart stuttered wildly.

He looked towards the server but heard Lu Ming say very casually beside him, "Ah, it's mine."

The server passed the bowl to Lu Ming. Xu Tangcheng didn't know why, but he was breathing out in relief. However, before this breath was completely released, the server was again saying, "There's one more bowl without coriander."

After a short silence from the table, Yi Zhe raised his hand. "Over here."

Hearing him thank the server, Xu Tangcheng felt as though he no longer had the strength to look in that direction. He propped his head on his hand and poked the piece of potato on his plate, chewing on his lip and spacing out. When the conversation at the table was once again lively and bustling, he finally shifted his gaze to Yi Zhe.

Yi Zhe sensed that Xu Tangcheng was looking at him. He met his eyes, a little unnaturally.

Only the two of them knew very well the story behind that bowl of soup.

When ordering, Yi Zhe had not said that it was for Xu Tangcheng because he had originally thought that if Xu Tangcheng sat beside him, he could just swap with him without saying anything. But when he took the bowl of soup just now, he hadn't dared give it to Xu Tangcheng and the two of them were now separated by the table. There was no way he would dare pass it over furtively.

Xu Tangcheng finally could not bear the atmosphere of this meal anymore. Others did not sense anything but he knew, he knew that from the moment he picked his seat, it was wrong. When everyone was nearly done with their food and the main point switched from eating to chatting, he said that he would be leaving first. Yu An took the lead to assent repeatedly and Xu Tangcheng stood up, called out to Yi Zhe, and led him to walk out.

When he went out the door, he realised that it was snowing lightly.

On the journey back, Xu Tangcheng played music that was on the livelier side but the space still felt cramped and the music had the reverse effect of making him feel more suffocated. He really wanted to apologise to Yi Zhe, and the feeling was even very urgent, very pressing. But once he apologised, once he said the reason, it was bound to invite a question that he was afraid of answering.

Compared to him, Yi Zhe was very calm. He even softly reminded Xu Tangcheng that the driving conditions weren't very good, and to drive slower.

It was also snowing back home and the snow seemed to be even heavier than in Beijing. Xu Tangcheng drove into the courtyard and saw car tracks on the ground. Because the snow was heavier, a layer of snow would cover the ground shortly after a car drove over; then, another car would pass, leaving behind fresh tracks. Due to this, the ground looked a chaotic mess. There was not much beauty in it.

After passing the building entrance, he realised that there were no more empty parking spaces in front of their building. Hence, Xu Tangcheng stopped the car and told Yi Zhe to get down first while he looked for an empty spot.

"I'll go with you." Yi Zhe didn't get down. He said, "There are a lot of cars. It's not convenient to stop. I'll help you look out for spots."

"No need, you should go inside first." Xu Tangcheng softened his tone. He really wanted this terrible night to end faster, and for Yi Zhe to feel a bit better. "The snow's heavy, it's pretty cold."

But Yi Zhe still did not move.

Xu Tangcheng again urged him and Yi Zhe finally put his hand on the car door. But he very quickly withdrew it.

"Tangcheng-ge."

He drew in a breath and breathed out again. Then, he turned his head and called out to him.

"Hmm?" Xu Tangcheng forced out a noise of response that was rather nasal.

"I have two things to say to you."

Xu Tangcheng heard him and unconsciously gripped the steering wheel tighter. In that instant, he understood that he was actually very afraid of Yi Zhe laying his cards out to him. He also realised that he was not at all mature in this matter. He didn't want to hurt Yi Zhe, nor could he take that step and accept Yi Zhe's intentions. Other than feigning ignorance and pretending that nothing had happened, he had no other idea what to do.

But the failed dinner this evening told him that this was a despicable way to act.

He could not truly be like how he was in the past. Even if he feigned ignorance, those thoughts in his subconscious mind that he could not control would always stab and hurt that heart full of sincerity.

The wind and the snow was still out there, and they even seemed capable of penetrating the car windows and throwing the fragile balance inside into disorder.

"Tangcheng-ge." Yi Zhe didn't wait for him to say anything. Focused only on himself, he said the words he had spent a long time preparing. "If I have done anything wrong in the past, I hope… you can forgive me once."

He lowered his head, one hand worrying at the fabric on the other sleeve.

"I was not very sensible in the past. I'm sorry." He looked at Xu Tangcheng. There was tranquility in his eyes and he even smiled. "I'll really stop doing that in the future. I promise."

Yi Zhe kept thinking that perhaps Zheng Yikun was right. Acting as though nothing had happened, pretending that all was well—under most circumstances, this would be the most peaceful way to resolve the issue. This way, neither one of them had to forcibly rip open those scalding emotions and then scrape them all off bit by bit. If he was a bit more shameless, he could even continue to stay by Xu Tangcheng's side, taking advantage of how softhearted he was, and secretly demand from him a piece of the warmth that he wanted. But Yi Zhe didn't want that. He didn't want any false pretences in the relationship between them. Even if Xu Tangcheng would treat him with only one tenth of the kindness he had in the past after he finished his words, he hoped that this portion would be given to him honestly and without regrets.

If they had to put on an act even between the two of them, he was afraid that he would never experience what was real for the rest of his life.

He had once swore to always remain by his side and he hadn't only meant it in the literal way. There was no need to speak of being separated by mountains and seas; even if there was merely a veil between them, he would still puncture a hole in it, and have things laid out clearly between them.

He said he had two things to say, and he indeed only said two things.

An apology. A promise. No unnecessary explanations.

The "I'm sorry" that Xu Tangcheng couldn't say was firmly said by Yi Zhe just like that.

Xu Tangcheng watched him open the car door. The black figure melted into the heavy snow. It seemed to take all his rationality to stop himself from pulling him back.

Yi Zhe was still wearing the down jacket he had given him. When he lowered his head and rubbed the sleeve just now, Xu Tangcheng had followed the line of his gaze. Perhaps it had been worn too many times; the sleeve had been rubbed until it bore the worn marks of age. The fabric at the edge had opened up a little, exposing the softness of the down for all to see.

Xu Tangcheng suddenly felt very cold.

He looked to the front in silence. The snow everywhere in the air was lit up by the car lights. The way they drifted down was undoubtedly a beautiful sight, yet they still had to fall to the ground and disappear in the end.

The feeling of failure completely wiped out his energy. After all that had happened that night, he finally could not stay strong anymore and rested silently on the steering wheel. He remained that way the whole time until a car came behind him, flashing the headlights and sounding the horn to hurry him away.

After parking the car, Xu Tangcheng really didn't feel like going up.

He strolled around the flowerbed in the courtyard. By the third time he was circling it, the black cat came over on very light steps. It stopped two steps away from Xu Tangcheng and meowed.

Xu Tangcheng didn't have anything in his pockets. Thinking that the cat was probably hungry, he went back to his car to see if there was anything edible there. But after searching for a long while, all he found was a packet of biscuits.

His mind was probably confused to the extreme now. He actually took the biscuits and went back, and used his frozen fingers to break off a piece and place it in front of the black cat.

The cat came closer and sniffed it, then retreated with some distaste. Only then did Xu Tangcheng seem to regain function of his brain and was rather speechless as he realised, why would a cat like biscuits?

At this hour, there was nowhere he could go to buy sausages. Xu Tangcheng crouched down and reached a hand out to the black cat, beckoning it. "Come here."

The cat meowed another couple of times and turned around on the spot before finally—amidst Xu Tangcheng's unflagging calling—going over to rub against his hand.

Xu Tangcheng patted its head. After a long while, he finally said, "I'm sorry."

But the cat did not understand this apology. It probably only felt that the way this person was petting it was very comfortable so it let down its guard and closed its eyes.

After saying this "I'm sorry," Xu Tangcheng felt even worse. He stood up and dug out a pack of cigarettes and walked to the side, wanting to smoke a stick and catch his breath. But he had just flicked the flame on the lighter when he saw that the black cat had followed him over silently.

Xu Tangcheng extinguished the lighter and put it aside. He said to the cat that was staring openly at him from the ground, "Go over there. I want to smoke."

The cat tilted its head and continued meowing at him.

Xu Tangcheng again emphasised his words. "You shouldn't breathe in secondhand smoke. Go over there."

Unfortunately, no matter how he coaxed, it was useless. Xu Tangcheng had no choice but to move away himself but when he turned back, the black cat was still following him closely. He looked up at the sky and finally accepted his fate. He put away the things in his hands.

"I'll go home now and see if there's anything for you to eat. But there definitely won't be the sausages that you like. Let us talk about this, you make do with what I can get, okay?"

Seeming like it was finally satisfied, the black cat retreated a step in the darkness.

Zhou Hui helped him find some other kind of sausage and even picked out a bit of the braised carp she had cooked to give to the cat. Xu Tangcheng went down to feed it and seeing that it was feasting happily, he went to the side to smoke.

When he went back up, Zhou Hui dusted his outer garment that had turned wet from the amount of snow that had fallen on it and asked why he was back so late.

"I met up with friends to eat together so I was a bit late."

"I see." Zhou Hui rubbed his down jacket with a dry towel and hung it up to dry. "Did Yi Zhe come back with you?"

"Yeah."

"That's good. In the past, you always went back and forth on your own, and I was worried. It's safer if the two of you are together."

Xu Tangcheng didn't continue the conversation. He drank a glass of water and said that he was tired and that he wanted to wash up and go to bed.

But Zhou Hui, who had been looking at him the whole time, asked, "Are you in a bad mood?"

"Hmm?" Xu Tangcheng immediately smiled out of habit and denied it. "No, I'm not."

"Impossible." Zhou Hui looked at the down jacket that was hanging there. "Your jacket is in this state, your hands and your face are totally red—who knows how long you were downstairs. Furthermore, I'm your mum. Just one look and I can tell whether or not you're in a bad mood."

Xu Tangcheng couldn't help laughing. He shook his head, unsure of what to say.

"If it's because of something at university, I don't understand and can't help you much either. But if you feel unwell anywhere, you can talk about it with me." Zhou Hui sighed. "Since young, you like keeping everything inside and you never tell us if there's any problem. In other people's eyes, you're calm and steady and capable of handling problems, but I'm afraid you'll break down from keeping everything in."

Extrapolating one single thing into many consequences was the way of thinking that Zhou Hui was fond of. She probably represented many older mothers. Xu Tangcheng knew that she liked to let her imagination run wild and was afraid that she wouldn't be able to sleep well tonight, so he quickly said, "I'm really fine. I'm just a bit tired recently."

Zhou Hui was skeptical of his explanation. She stared at Xu Tangcheng's expression for a while before finally nodding reluctantly. "Mm, as long as you're all right. If you're tired, get a good rest. I've already cleaned up the house this year, you don't need to do anything."

Xu Tangcheng assented, then went to take a shower. He could hear Zhou Hui making some noise now and then behind him. After a couple of steps, he suddenly thought of testing her.

"Mum." He turned around and called out to Zhou Hui. Using his most relaxed tone to cover up, he asked, "If I don't get married, what will you think?"

Zhou Hui straightened up. Hearing him, she immediately furrowed her brows. "What nonsense are you saying? How can you not get married?"

After saying that, she thought of something and understanding seemed to dawn on her. "Is there a problem between you and that girl?"

Xu Tangcheng stared blankly. For a moment, he didn't understand who Zhou Hui was talking about.

"I'm talking about Wan Zhi. I've been holding back all this while and didn't ask you. How are things going with her?"

Hearing this, Xu Tangcheng immediately felt that their conversation now was rather absurd. He dropped his head and sighed. "I am really just ordinary friends with her."

Zhou Hui chased after him, wanting to ask more but Xu Tangcheng quickly grabbed his pajamas and ducked into the bathroom. But when he was taking off his clothes, Zhou Hui was still standing outside the door, continuing to harp on it worriedly. "You're not allowed to make a fuss for no reason. Even if you don't know how to be in a relationship, you have to do it. If you continue to talk about not getting married, I'll get Cheng-Cheng's mother to introduce partners to you."

"All right, all right, I got it."

In actual fact, he knew better than anyone else what his family was like. This family was too traditional; not only were his parents like this, the rest of the older generation was also the same way. Just throwing out the phrase "not getting married" was enough for this family to completely lose the balance they had had for so long.

Xu Tangcheng propped his arms on the sink and washed his face with cold water. He turned on the shower but remained looking at the person in the mirror, unmoving even after a long time.