It had been a long time since he last rode the bike he kept at home. Yi Zhe came out from Xu Tangcheng’s home, sat in his own home for a while, then found a rag and went downstairs.

He had bought the bike for the sake of fetching Xu Tangcheng but in actual fact, there hadn’t been another chance for that.

Yi Zhe cycled around town. It was almost Lunar New Year, even the senior high Year 3 students of No. 1 High were on vacation. Stopping at the school entrance, Yi Zhe looked at the perimeter walls and seriously considered whether or not to climb over them to take a walk inside.

He pulled the brake levers and decided not to in the end. It was better to behave himself.

One foot stepping on the ground to keep his bike up, he mulled for a while: if he told the old man at the entrance that he was a student who left something behind in school, what were the chances of him getting in? Before he could calculate it, he saw someone come out of the guard booth while on the phone. It was no longer that bespectacled old man; instead, it was a middle-aged uncle he had never seen before.

Yi Zhe pressed his lips together. He stared at the uncle’s back. His feet paddled a couple of steps and he cycled away.

He had nowhere to go, he also did not want to return home. He wound his way around the streets at random, going wherever his legs took him. Encountering the area under the bridge and the slope wasn’t done on purpose. The bike started to accelerate on its own and only then did Yi Zhe realise that he had actually come to this place again.

When he reached the bottom of the slope, the phone in his pocket began to vibrate.

Xu Tangcheng’s voice was wrapped in a strange noise. Yi Zhe listened carefully, then asked where he was.

“At the seaside.” On the other end, Xu Tangcheng paused. “I’ll let you listen to the sound of the sea.”

The strange noise just now gradually magnified. Yi Zhe heard clearly the sound of the waves breaking.

“Looking at the sea at night?” Yi Zhe thought for a while. He couldn’t imagine what the sea looked like at night.

“Yeah. I’ll be going back tomorrow. When work ended this afternoon, my colleagues said that they wanted to come out and walk around, so I followed them here.” Xu Tangcheng let out a laugh. “Oh, that’s right. I bought Tangxi a keychain from a shop selling handicrafts, and also a red fabric coin pouch. I bought one for you too.”

Yi Zhe blanked out for a moment, then said hesitatingly, “You bought me a red fabric coin pouch?”

“No.” Xu Tangcheng was amused into laughing and only then realised that he hadn’t spoken clearly enough just now. “I bought you a keychain.

When they first started living together, Yi Zhe had actually gone through a period of “special training.” His scatterbrain habits had caused him too many troubles, so Xu Tangcheng decided to fix it. During that period of time, after entering the apartment, Xu Tangcheng had furtively watched Yi Zhe. Every time Yi Zhe carelessly tossed his key somewhere, Xu Tangcheng had immediately faked a cough to remind him to place the key on the fixed spot on the shoe cabinet. Later on, it gradually became a habit for Yi Zhe and he no longer had to look for his key in a panic.

Yi Zhe recalled all that and laughed, lowering his head. “I don’t lose my key anymore. Why are you still buying me a keychain?”

“Mm…” Xu Tangcheng thought for a while, then said the truth. “The keychain is pretty cute. A guy who was with me said that he was buying for his girlfriend and asked me if I wanted to get one, so I said, ‘Okay, I’ll get one for my girlfriend too.’”

Yi Zhe’s laughter didn’t stop. He turned his head slightly to the side and said into the phone, “Taking advantage of me.”

“Yeap, that’s right.” Xu Tangcheng answered with full confidence.

Just go ahead and take advantage, Yi Zhe thought. I could ask for nothing more.

The matters stifled in his heart were temporarily thrown aside while they chatted. When Xu Tangcheng wanted to end the call, Yi Zhe stopped him.

“Actually, I’m at home right now.”

Xu Tangcheng very quickly understood that the “home” Yi Zhe meant was not their rented apartment. These sudden words from Yi Zhe made him feel that something wasn’t right but he still went along with what Yi Zhe said and asked, “And?”

“I wanted to visit Tangxi, and also wanted to visit Uncle and Auntie. Even though you guys have already discussed it, I felt that Uncle and Auntie hadn't met with me so maybe if I come, they will say some things to me. That’s why I came.” Yi Zhe stopped, then continued, “But Tangxi was resting, I didn’t see her. Auntie said that she wasn’t very well last night and didn’t sleep well but she has already asked the doctor and the doctor said there’s no need to worry, she just needs to take her medicine on time and rest well. Uncle wasn’t at home but Grandma was there.”

On the other end, Xu Tangcheng didn’t say anything. Yi Zhe waited a while, then said, “Auntie asked me to stay for lunch. She also said that Grandma hasn’t seen you for a long time and kept asking. She’s staying at your place these few days, Auntie said that you should visit her when you have time.”

“Mm.”

The words after that were a little hard for Yi Zhe to speak. He tried to convey Zhou Hui’s words in a way that was as gentle as possible. “Auntie said, Grandma doesn’t know… about us. She said not to tell her.”

“Mm, I know.”

Xu Tangcheng didn’t expect he would receive this kind of information but he should be thankful that his own mother was kind. She hadn’t treated Yi Zhe vehemently like she had treated him. But this attitude told him clearly that she did not accept Yi Zhe. Because he was an "outsider,” she didn’t care, and that was why she treated him courteously.

When Xu Tangcheng reached Beijing, it was already night. The next day was Friday. He went to the office to report on his work, applied for half a day of leave, and returned to City C. When he saw Yi Zhe riding his bike to pick him up, he was a little surprised. Surprise changed to laughter, and he got on the bike.

Yi Zhe didn’t cycle fast. The two of them spoke intermittently the whole way about unimportant matters. When they were nearing home, Xu Tangcheng took out a keychain from his pocket and held it up to show Yi Zhe. “Looks good?”

It was a small deer made of cloth with a base of blue and a sprinkling of white and pink flowers.

“Looks good.” Yi Zhe took a glimpse and said, “Just like something a girl would use.”

“I bought it for my girlfriend after all.” Xu Tangcheng extended a hand. “Give me your key.”

Yi Zhe took out his key from his pocket and obediently put it on Xu Tangcheng’s hand. Xu Tangcheng very quickly attached it to the keychain, then swung it. “It looks so good. If anyone asks, say that your girlfriend gave it to you.”

Only one last turn was left. When he heard those familiar words, Yi Zhe suddenly pulled the brakes and stopped.

Xu Tangcheng turned around curiously. “What’s the matter?”

Previously, it was by accident; now, it was on purpose. To Yi Zhe, things had come full circle.

“I want to bring you to a place.” He lowered his head and looked into Xu Tangcheng’s eyes. “Can you wait a bit before going home?”

Xu Tangcheng naturally wouldn’t hesitate to fulfil this request but the look in Yi Zhe’s eyes was very strange. Even though it was still those familiar eyes, there seemed to be a different person hiding in them. This feeling was both good and bad, so he hesitated a couple of seconds before nodding.

This time, Yi Zhe cycled very fast. He brought Xu Tangcheng to that area under the bridge and came to a stop some distance away from the slope.

“What are we doing here?” Xu Tangcheng asked curiously.

“In the past, when I had nothing to do and nowhere to go, I would cycle around randomly.” Yi Zhe narrowed his eyes, looking at this place that held numerous records of his silhouette and his worries. “I like coming here, cycling very, very fast, then letting go of the handlebar and rushing down.”

Letting go of the handlebar…

Xu Tangcheng understood what he wanted to do. Startled, he turned back to look at him.

Taking in his gaze that had both shock and fear, Yi Zhe smiled at him. "Do you trust me?"

The way he asked could not be any more gentle but in the days to come, Xu Tangcheng would recall that his tone and volume had clearly been enticing on purpose, making Xu Tangcheng nod his head practically without thinking.

"Then, later on, you can close your eyes. It'll be more exciting that way."

Yi Zhe didn't give Xu Tangcheng a chance to regret. After saying those words, he started cycling again, rapidly increasing the speed. The bike drew closer and closer to the slope, Xu Tangcheng's estimation of the angle of the slope grew more and more accurate, his hand gripped tighter and tighter on the handlebar and his heart beat faster and faster.

At the moment when Xu Tangcheng involuntarily clenched his teeth, he heard Yi Zhe's voice coming from above him: "Close your eyes."

They reached the slope.

Xu Tangcheng didn't have time to think anymore. He squeezed his eyes shut; at the same time, there was an arm holding him tightly. His head was pressing against Yi Zhe's chest so he could feel the other person's harsh breathing and even the fierce pounding of his heart. That arm grew tighter around him, like it was pressing him into that chest.

Right after that, his body fell forward. Due to the speed and his terror, Xu Tangcheng's limbs went completely weak for an instant. He subconsciously sought out the arm that was crossed over his chest, holding it in a death grip. Unable to breath, he opened his mouth a little and breathed in heavily. The wind rushing past his ears seemed to be shouting an impassioned marching tune, so stimulating that his palms were quickly covered in sweat, a damp mess.

Someone who had been well-behaved since young could not easily handle this kind of chaotic attack. Xu Tangcheng didn't know why but he opened his eyes—the scene he saw rendered him stunned and he quickly closed them again.

When the bike came to a stop, it was also an abrupt one. An urgent braking, the tail end drifting at a forty-five degree angle. Momentum sent Xu Tangcheng's body tilting forward to sprawl on the handlebar. For a couple of seconds, his brain was blank.

After recovering his wits, he heard Yi Zhe ask in a rather hoarse voice, "Was it fun?"

Sunshine in winter was not yellow, it was white. At nearly noon, the sun was blazing wildly. Xu Tangcheng propped himself up on an arm and turned to look at Yi Zhe. The other person's face was under the sunlight, yet was more searing than the sun itself.

Perhaps everyone hid the seeds of madness in their bodies. Usually, no signs of them could be seen and they might not even show themselves for the person's entire life. It was only when they encountered a stimulation that hit right on target that those seeds would start to surge violently in their blood, like they had found an outlet. As for what this stimulation was, it varied from person to person. For some people, it was extreme sports; for some, it was using acerbic words to hurt others; for some, it was the need to conquer; and for some, it was a non-stop mad indulgence in physical intimacy. Xu Tangcheng hadn't figured out exactly what it was that could stimulate himself but he could be sure that at this very moment, this face was it.

He swallowed hard, his throat rolling. Xu Tangcheng finally got off the bike.

He stood there and looked back at the slope, then again at Yi Zhe, confirming again that the impulse he felt when he saw that face just now wasn't an illusion, that what stimulated him wasn't that swift dive just now but was Yi Zhe during the course of events. The knowledge of this was absurd yet strangely wonderful to Xu Tangcheng; in a situation when the two of them did not have skin contact and the mood wasn't amorous, he had unexpectedly felt such an intense sexual desire. Just looking at Yi Zhe's face gave him the urge to rip his clothes off and kiss him passionately, while watched by those eyes that had a touch of the desire to invade.

Xu Tangcheng let out a self-deprecating laugh. All of a sudden, he was wondering if he was really too ignorant of what love was in the past and Yi Zhe had to suffer for it.

It wasn't like he would really do something here but when he took a step forward and kissed Yi Zhe, he still displayed an intensity and impatience that was unlike his usual self.

Yi Zhe was briefly stunned. Then, he pulled Xu Tangcheng into his arms, giving him an equally fervent response.

A large lorry rumbled past, the noise becoming the background music to this mad scene, also just as fervent and enthusiastic.

Xu Tangcheng didn't know how long they kissed but when they stopped, his lips felt numb… it was very satisfying. Yi Zhe was still sitting on the bike. This height was just nice for Xu Tangcheng to rest his head on his shoulder and calm his breathing.

There was a hand patting his back lightly. Xu Tangcheng's reply came very late, but it still came in the end.

"It's fun," he said softly into Yi Zhe's ear.

They stayed in this position for a long time. Neither one moved, neither one wanted to leave.

In the end, Yi Zhe was the first to speak.

"Tangcheng."

After saying that, he stopped for a while. Then, very softly, he kissed Xu Tangcheng's reddened earlobe.

"You should…"

"Yi Zhe," Xu Tangcheng made a sound to interrupt him and only then realised that his voice was actually trembling. But he had clearly calmed down from the stimulation earlier, his voice shouldn't be like that. His other hand that was hanging down also wrapped around Yi Zhe and he took a deep breath. Mustering his strength, he pleaded softly, "Don't do this."

He guessed what he was going to say. He wanted to stop him, to hold him there, but as before, Yi Zhe refused to change his mind. He understood Yi Zhe too well. Yi Zhe was someone who wouldn't do things tentatively, wouldn't wait things out. Once he made a decision, that was it.

Yi Zhe also had his arms around Xu Tangcheng but he wasn't using a lot of strength, only letting his arms and his body form a circle around the person in the middle.

"You should go to the south with them."

Their winter clothing was thick so Yi Zhe didn't feel the change on his shoulder. It was only when Xu Tangcheng couldn't stop himself from letting out a sob that Yi Zhe knew—he was crying.

Logically, he should be in a panic but he only dropped his head and tightened his arms a little, then patted Xu Tangcheng's back again and again.

He knew that Xu Tangcheng couldn't bear to let his family suffer like this. All this while, he had only been shouldering it for Yi Zhe's sake, forcing himself to harden his heart and hurt his parents.

Yi Zhe recalled that night on the balcony when Xu Tangcheng had said seriously to him: I won't leave you. He believed Xu Tangcheng's words, and believed that no matter how hard it was, Xu Tangcheng would stay by his side. But how could he bear to put Xu Tangcheng through this?

This question had two choices but Xu Tangcheng could not be split into two.

Right now, Xu Tangcheng could still secretly come back to visit his family but when they went to the south, what would Xu Tangcheng do? Yi Zhe didn't have family love so he did not understand what it meant to be tied down in this way but he knew that Xu Tangcheng felt guilty internally. Yi Zhe himself felt guilty when he saw the eggplants that Grandma passed to him; how much heavier was the guilt that Xu Tangcheng bore?

"If I go with them…" Xu Tangcheng asked, "then what about you?"

"I'm a man." Yi Zhe had thought that he would cry at this moment but he didn't. He even laughed aloud before following up. "I can bear it."

In actual fact, breaking up was something that could be hard or could be easy. If two people were no longer in love, just a single "Let's break up" and everyone would be happy, each heading off in their separate ways. If one person was no longer in love while the other still was, then that single line "Let's break up" was freedom for one and pain for the other. But if two people were still in love, the one to first say "Let's separate" was likely to be in more pain.

What was more, this "Let's separate" pushed away his entire world.

Xu Tangcheng couldn't stop his tears. He was even regretting; if they were meant to walk this road, how could he let Yi Zhe be the first person to leave.

When Xu Tangcheng returned home, it was already past lunch hour. Grandma knew that he was coming back and came out of the room to welcome him, smiling widely in utmost joy.

"Have you eaten?"

"I have." Xu Tangcheng mustered his spirits and exchanged a few words with her. He realised that a new hearing aid was hanging on Grandma's ear. Xu Tangcheng smiled and asked, "You changed your hearing aid?"

"Ah." Grandma suddenly snorted. She pursed her lips and said, "The previous one spoiled. I told them to find a place to get it repaired but look at what they did. They kept it a secret from me and bought a new one."

"It's good," Xu Tangcheng hurried to say. "You can hear better with a new one. This thing is like handphones, old ones have to be changed and replaced with the new."

"What do you mean change, it's quite expensive." Grandma muttered crossly. Xu Tangcheng coaxed and cajoled, and finally managed to change the topic.

With Grandma there, Zhou Hui didn't speak about anything in particular with him. Xu Tangcheng stayed with Grandma and chatted with her for some time, then went to Xu Tangxi's room for a while. After that, he stayed sitting in the living room. He felt terrible after sitting awhile and when it was nearly time for dinner, he said that he had a headache and that he wanted to take a nap.

Zhou Hui looked away indifferently. She didn't say anything. But Grandma didn't agree and said that it was better for him to eat first before sleeping.

Xu Tangcheng was really too exhausted. He waved his hand and told Grandma that he would wake up later and eat, and that they shouldn't wait for him.

Once he closed his eyes, he slept until nine o' clock. Zhou Hui woke him up, saying that it was time for Grandma to sleep and that he should get up. Xu Tangcheng waited for his mind to clear and sat up in the bed, then smoothed out the bed sheet and folded the covers.

He ate his dinner, then washed his face and prepared to go to bed in the living room. When he walked past his own bedroom, he noticed that the light was still on. Xu Tangcheng entered for a look, and saw that Grandma was sitting on the edge of the bed, sewing an item of clothing.

"What are you busy sewing?"

After he spoke, Grandma didn't give any response.

When he walked over and crouched down in front of Grandma, she finally lifted her head and peered at him through her presbyopic glasses. Grandma let out a laugh and took out her hearing aid from the drawer. She asked, "What's the matter?"

"Nothing. I saw that you weren't sleeping yet so I came in to see. What are you sewing?"

Grandma unfolded the item in her hands and showed it to him. "My vest. When I took it off just now, I saw that the seam was undone so I'm making a couple of stitches."

"It strains your eyes," Xu Tangcheng said with a slight frown. "Don't sew anymore. It's already past nine o' clock. You should sleep, I'll ask my mum to sew it for you tomorrow."

"No need for that," Grandma said at once. "It's not a big deal, just a few stitches. I can still do it."

Xu Tangcheng recalled those tiger head shoes. He lowered his head and thought, those things would never be used so he would just keep them for the rest of his life. This way, when he was old, he would still be able to remember how Grandma looked when she held the thread and needle.

"Grandma." After quietly watching the needle weave in and out for a while, Xu Tangcheng looked up and called out to her.

"Hmm?"

"You…" Xu Tangcheng looked into her eyes and asked, "know who Yi Zhe is, right?"

At the last stitch, the needle brought the thread in a circle, then slipped through it and drew a knot.

"Of course I know." Grandma pulled the thread taut, letting the knot land at the bottom. "The child from the opposite apartment. A couple of days ago, he even came here for lunch."

"Mm." After responding, Xu Tangcheng tilted his head, his lips curved. "Then… what do you think of him?"

"He's a good child." Grandma recalled for a while, then stretched out a hand and gestured. "Tall and broad, and also handsome. He really looks like that… that T.V. host. That day when he had lunch here, I saw that he was really well-behaved. He only kept taking food from the dishes in front of him."

Xu Tangcheng listened to her and also laughed along.

Mm, tall and broad, handsome, really well-behaved.

"He likes to eat eggplants." Grandma had stopped for a while but seeming to recall something, she spoke suddenly.

Xu Tangcheng was also stunned for a moment.

That was right, Yi Zhe did indeed like eating eggplants.

"That day during lunch, he didn't take from the other dishes that were far away, he only took two small pieces of eggplants, so I switched the eggplants over to him." When she said that, Grandma sighed with some regret. "Aren't his parents divorced? His mum is nothing good either, I've seen her fight with other people. He's a pitiful child. I switched the eggplants over to him and he looked at me for a long while. I saw that he was almost crying."

Like he had suddenly lost the ability to think, Xu Tangcheng's mind came to a blunt stop on an image of Yi Zhe and no longer shifted away.

"Mm." After a while, he finally lowered his head and gritted his teeth, nodding. "He's a good child. He's a… very, very good person."

After saying that, suddenly, he couldn't control his emotions anymore. His hands came together to cover his face. He ended up crying.

His tears gave Grandma a fright. She reached out to tug Xu Tangcheng's hand in a bit of a panic, wanting to see his face. "Why are you crying?"

Xu Tangcheng shook his head. His hands covered Grandma's aged hand, resting it on her knees. Then, he buried his head there, his forehead pressing on their joined hands. He didn't lift his head again.

"Don't cry." Grandma put the needle and thread aside, and wiped the corners of his eyes with her other hand. "Why are you crying?"

"Grandma…" Xu Tangcheng knew that he was making Grandma worried. He wanted to hold it in but completely failed to.

What kind of person was Yi Zhe? He had never received much love, yet he was using the most pure heart to love him.

After parting with him today, Xu Tangcheng had been constantly thinking how Yi Zhe managed to bring himself to say those words telling him to go. This question made his head hurt and his heart also ached, like everything inside him was out of place.

"I'm here, I'm here," Grandma murmured, coaxing him.

"Grandma…" His stifled sobs turned into whimpers. Xu Tangcheng had not cried like this for many years. He gripped Grandma's hand tightly, a little aggrieved, and spoke in a voice that had changed entirely, "Can you always remember… that he's a very, very good person?"

"I know, I know."

He's a very, very good person. I love him very, very much.

Xu Tangcheng thought, I can't tell you that I love him. I can't bring him here to stand before you and introduce him to you. But I hope so much, so strongly, that you can remember—he is Yi Zhe; he is a very, very good person.