Father and son locked eyes, their gazes meeting in midair. Very clearly, Xu Yueliang's eyes were the calmer pair. He asked, "Does that job of yours only have a post in Beijing?"

Xu Tangcheng finally understood what the so-called "talk" was about. His heart was pounding wildly. After a long while, he finally managed to calm himself and answer, "Yeah. The company's not big, everything's in Beijing."

"They don't have projects that require trips to Sanya?"

Xu Tangcheng shook his head. "No."

The mood at the dining table suddenly turned heavy. Even Xu Tangxi didn't dare help herself to the food. The chicken wing in her bowl remained untouched as she stared in confusion at her parents.

"But…" Xu Tangxi knew what her parents intended but she couldn't stop herself from speaking up to help Xu Tangcheng. "But didn't you guys say previously that our relatives are all here so we won't go anywhere?"

In actual fact, when Xu Tangcheng graduated from senior high, he had already discussed with his parents to consider moving to the south. They could find a small town with clean air and good weather, and it might be more suitable for Xu Tangxi. But at that time, they all thought that the environment at home was pretty good too and Zhou Hui had also said that a lot of their relatives were there. She didn't want to go so far to an unfamiliar place full of strangers, it would be a bore.

"It's not like we're never coming back again. And isn't this because you're always falling sick these two years? We want your health to get better." After saying that Xu Yueliang shifted his gaze to Xu Tangcheng. "Tangcheng, why don't you change jobs? You just started working not long ago, it won't affect you much. About the job, Cheng-Cheng's mum said that she can help. It's also a Beijing company that matches your specialisation, they happen to have a project in Hainan."

Xu Tangcheng never expected his parents to have arranged the matter in such great detail during this period of time. His mind was in a mess, he couldn't think of any good excuse and for a moment, could not say anything. Biting on his chopsticks, he sank into silence.

Zhou Hui hadn't said anything the whole time. On the table, half of the braised fish had already been eaten. She moved her chopsticks and flipped the fish over.

Xu Tangcheng was very familiar with this action.

"It's New Year's already and it will be Lunar New Year soon. Cheng-Cheng's mum even hurried us today, saying that we should hurry up and buy the tickets." Zhou Hui's voice was emotionless, but lightly and deftly, it forced Xu Tangcheng to a dead end. "How many tickets should we get? Tangcheng, give us a number."

Xu Tangcheng had no idea at what point he had begun gripping his chopsticks so tightly. It was only when he felt the pain and came back to himself that he realised that the nail on his thumb had been digging into the joint of his third finger.

"Dad… Why didn't you guys discuss it with me beforehand? Ge has a good job, he likes it a lot-"

"New jobs can be found," Zhou Hui interrupted Xu Tangxi, saying pointedly, "but you only have one life."

No one replied, no one dared to reply. A whole family and no one looked at each other; instead, they all looked at their own bowl of rice in front of them.

When she opened her mouth again, Zhou Hui's voice had changed.

"You only have one life… there is no turning back."

"I like this job quite a lot. Furthermore, you guys also know the benefits they are offering. The contract…" Xu Tangcheng paused. Without realising it, the tip of his second finger drew a line on the table. Then, his entire hand slowly curled into a fist. "The contract is five years. If I breach the contract, it would be very troublesome."

Bam! A pair of chopsticks were pressed onto the table with a force that was not small.

"When did you…" Zhou Hui stared disbelievingly at Xu Tangcheng. Her jaw extremely tense, she asked, "When did you learn to lie? Do you think that we don't know anything and that it's easy to fool us?"

Xu Yueliang sighed, then his brows furrowed slightly and he looked at Xu Tangcheng. "You should still be in your internship period now. You haven't signed the tripartite agreement^[1], have you?"

Finding an excuse to refuse was him running away in the first place. When he said those words just now, Xu Tangcheng already knew that he had said the wrong thing. That single lie of his seemed to have made the situation worse. He could not think of any plan to please both sides and decided to just be frank.

"I can't go."

"It's fine if you don't go. You've already left for months, haven't you?" Zhou Hui said. "I'll just treat it as though I've never given birth to you. You can live however you want, and it'll also save me the trouble of not being able to eat and sleep well."

"Mum." All of a sudden, Xu Tangcheng's head was aching really badly. He looked pleadingly at Zhou Hui. "No matter what arrangements you guys have made, since you've asked me to come home today, let us really talk about it, okay?"

"There's nothing to talk about." Zhou Hui didn't give him a chance and refused him at once. "You don't have to think of persuading me. Yes, I am old and stubborn, I just can't accept it. You don't have to talk reason to me. I don't care if you tell me that there's nothing wrong at all about being gay, I don't care how many famous people are… are gay. I don't care about other people, nor do I have the energy to. But when it's my son, no."

"Okay, we'll not talk about being gay. Let's talk about Yi Zhe."

Xu Tangcheng looked at Zhou Hui, then at Xu Yueliang. The words he had suppressed for so long could no longer be kept inside.

"Dad, Mum, I've never talked to you about personal feelings. I'm also not the kind of person who likes to bring out these things to talk about, but I have to say something today. At my age, I've never liked anyone. There have been girls who chased me, and also girls that everyone thought were very good, but I've never had any kind of feeling for them. Whether or not I was born gay, I think there's no need to pursue this question. What I can be sure of is that I like Yi Zhe. There will not be another person in the future that I will like so much."

"You like him?" When Zhou Hui heard those words, she couldn't really believe her ears. "You like a man?"

Xu Tangcheng didn't say anything.

"Say something!"

Xu Tangcheng had always thought that he could be considered to have some eloquence but when he negotiated with his parents, it would always just take a few words for the situation to become a disaster of an endgame with insufficient chess pieces.

There was a loud noise. Zhou Hui had stood up suddenly, knocking over her chair.

"Mum…" Frightened, Xu Tangxi called out to her.

Zhou Hui ignored her and also ignored Xu Yueliang trying to stop her. She walked around the table and pulled one of Xu Tangcheng's arms, bringing him to the bedroom.

"Mum!"

Xu Tangxi thought that Zhou Hui was going to hit him and ran after them in a panic. But what she saw was Zhou Hui taking out a plastic bag from the wardrobe. She had never seen that bag before and didn't know what Zhou Hui intended to do, so she stopped at the door, holding onto the doorframe, and watched.

Zhou Hui tore open the bag and threw it onto the bed. The contents of the bag fell out at once: cotton pants and small cloth shoes tumbling out one after another, all with delicately embroidered tiger heads on them.

"Take a look yourself. The shoes and pants your grandma made for your children. Are you going to tell her that you like Yi Zhe? That you like a man?" Zhou Hui's tears fell. "Do you think she can accept it?"

With barely any effort, Zhou Hui hit another one of Xu Tangcheng's weak points.

"Do you know how old your grandma is already?" Zhou Hui extended a hand, pointing to somewhere unknown and trembling heavily. "Eighty-eight… When she was young, she hid from the Japanese, she attended the struggle sessions while carrying your dad… Have you ever seen her feet? Her feet were still bound at that time, did you know? Every time I cut her toenails for her, I don't even dare do it. Her feet have changed shape, the nails growing into the flesh. Back in those days, in the villages, they didn't even let women eat at the table. Your grandma waited upon that large family, and she couldn't bear to eat or use anything for herself. She has suffered for her entire life… And now that she's old, all she wants is to see all of you, the younger generation, have your own families so that she can be at peace. And you just have to let her know this fresh new thing, let her know that her grandson doesn't plan to marry a wife and wants to spend the rest of his life with a man?"

Xu Tangcheng stared at the pile of colourful items on the bed. He still remembered the nursery rhyme Grandma had recited to him.

He had watched Grandma embroider the tiger head shoes stitch by stitch.

"Do you have a heart, Xu Tangcheng?"

"Mum, I've thought about all these before." There was something bright and gleaming spinning in the depths of Xu Tangcheng's eyes too, reflecting the many colours. "I know that there are a lot of things that I cannot justify. That was why, at the beginning before I got together with Yi Zhe, I hesitated for a long while."

Zhou Hui sat on the bed, covering her face and sobbing, paying no heed to Xu Tangcheng's words.

After a long while, Xu Tangcheng finally continued. "But I don't have a choice. I'm sorry."

His voice was very soft, the words practically breathed out.

He really had no choice. He knew very well how impractical it was to be together with Yi Zhe, but he couldn't stop himself.

"Your dad and I, are we doing something harmful to you? Huh? You tell us all these things about liking and not liking." Zhou Hui's voice was trembling, her hands covering her eyes. "Don't we want you to find someone that you like and live happily for the rest of your life? But what you're doing is not… We're not only afraid of other people gossiping. You're only thinking about liking or not liking a person, but have the two of you really thought about the future? You like him, can the two of you have a family? The two of you can't get married and can't have children. Yes, right now, you're healthy and strong, neither of you need to depend on others or rely on others. You think that the two of you can live happily together. But can you be healthy and strong for your whole life and never ever have to rely on others? Your dad's leg is unwell. You took him to the hospital, running back and forth to take care of things. Have you ever thought that if you're together with him, when the two of you are old, if any accident or illness happens, how are you two going to get through it? When the time comes, which one of you is going to be immortal, which one of you can take care of the other? Are you going to enter a nursing home? How could that be the same as being at home?"

A string of questions, bombarding Xu Tangcheng until he had no strength to fend them off. He crouched down beside Zhou Hui, his mouth opening a few times, yet he could speak no words. Zhou Hui's sobbing became increasingly louder. Xu Tangcheng held one of her hands, dropping his head silently.

"When the time comes, neither your dad nor I, will be able to leave in peace…"

"Mum," Xu Tangcheng interrupted her. His chest, his head, they both hurt with an earth splitting force. "I'm sorry."

Zhou Hui looked at him, dazed.

"I know that it will be very difficult in the future," Xu Tangcheng said in a low voice. "But I really have no choice. There's already no way I can leave him."

"How can there be no way? Why can't you leave him?" Zhou Hui sobbed, her words coming out brokenly. "You're both young, so when you're in a relationship, you think that you can't live without each other… Break up with him. I don't believe that you still can't forget him after two or three years."

Xu Tangcheng didn't say anything. Seeing that he was silent, Zhou Hui suddenly grabbed his arm in agitation, forcing his head up with her other hand, and said, "Say yes to your mum. Leave with us for now, all right? Give it a try. Break off all contact with him. Just give it a try, all right?"

"Mum…"

"Can't you just give it a try! If you really can't forget him even after a few years, if he also still likes you so much… then we'll just resign ourselves to it, all right?"

Zhou Hui's voice broke at the end, just like how Xu Tangcheng's had when he said "I have no choice" just now.

Xu Tangcheng knew. This was already the biggest compromise Zhou Hui and Xu Yueliang could make.

But after a long silence, he still shook his head.

"No."

"You…" Zhou Hui's hand slapped his shoulder. "You don't want me to live anymore, is that it?"

"Mum." Xu Tangcheng sucked in a breath through his nose. He tried his hardest to hold back the thing in his eyes that kept surging out. "You know too, that Yi Zhe… Yi Zhe's family is not like ours. I have all of you, I have Grandma, I have Uncle and the others, but he doesn't, he…"

Without any warning, the tears he had held back just now fell again. Xu Tangcheng had never talked about "love" to anyone, not even to Yi Zhe, but now he had to explain this thing to his parents, explain why he could not leave Yi Zhe. He hastily arranged his words, yet could not string a complete sentence even after a long while.

Not until too many images of Yi Zhe appeared in his mind, and among the many scenes flashing past, one drifted to a stop.

Xu Tangcheng blinked. He seemed to be once again seeing that setting sun, the mooncake being brought to his lips.

"If I have three mooncakes, I'd give two to you and one to him. If he doesn't want it, I'd give them all to you. But he… if he has three mooncakes, he'd give them all to me."

He was undoubtedly talking about love, but Xu Tangcheng's eyes were filled with tears, and also filled with pain. Not only Zhou Hui, even Xu Tangxi who was standing by the door was stunned. Without realising it, she was opening her mouth and calling softly, "Ge…"

"There's no way I can leave him, not even for two or three years," Xu Tangcheng said, trembling. "The moment I think of him getting something good to eat but having no one to give it to, my heart squeezes in pain, so painful that I can't bear it."

Zhou Hui's eyes were opened wide. Her sobbing sounds had long stopped. Sitting quietly there, only her tears continued to fall.

"Then what about us?" she asked hoarsely. "So you're relying on the fact that we have someone taking care of us, that we have Tangxi?"

Yi Zhe could be considered to understand Yi Yuanzhi now. He knew that waiting for this "later" would take most of the day. He returned to the hotel and slept, and as expected, Yi Yuanzhi had yet to return when he woke up.

For an entire day, Yi Zhe was worried about things on Xu Tangcheng's end. He lay alone on the bed, tossing and turning for a long time, and finally couldn't resist sending Xu Tangcheng a message. He didn't dare ask anything sensitive and only asked what he was doing.

After sending the message, Yi Zhe put the phone beside his pillow, waiting for a reply. He was afraid of missing the message and took the phone with him even to the toilet.

When Yi Yuanzhi came over, it was already ten o' clock. He removed his coat after coming in, draping it on the coat rack, and asked Yi Zhe, "What is it?"

"I just want to tell you…"

Yi Zhe put his phone on the coffee table for now and sat down on the sofa when Yi Yuanzhi indicated him to.

"I want to tell you that I'm not single now."

Hearing that, Yi Yuanzhi raised his brows but did not interject.

After broaching the subject, the words that followed came out much easier. Yi Zhe suddenly had a thought that perhaps Xu Tangcheng was doing the same in his home, describing their relationship to his own family.

"Do you remember our neighbours in the past? Their surname is Xu, the family has an older brother and a younger sister. The brother's name is Xu Tangcheng. He and I are together." Like he thought that his words were not detailed enough, Yi Zhe continued, "We've been together for a long time now. I love him a lot. So, I hope that you won't keep asking me to spend time with Du Yi. Even if you switch to someone else in the future, I still won't spend time with them."

Yi Zhe initially thought that Yi Yuanzhi would at least be rather unhappy but unexpectedly, he did not detect any change in the expression on Yi Yuanzhi's face. Yi Yuanzhi remained sitting there, even the hands resting on his crossed legs did not move.

He couldn't figure out what Yi Yuanzhi was thinking. Even though his heart was beating fast, he still gripped his hands tighter and continued to sit there quietly.

Yi Yuanzhi really stayed silent for a very long time. The phone on the coffee table finally received a message. Yi Zhe startled; then, without wasting even a second, he reached out and grabbed the rather cold phone.

And at the same time, Yi Yuanzhi suddenly stood up.

Yi Zhe thought he was angry. Holding his phone, flustered, he also stood up.

"Dad…"

"Should I be glad," Yi Yuanzhi interrupted him, "that you chose Xiang Xiyi back then?"

This single line threw Yi Zhe into confusion. He vaguely understood the meaning in those words, yet didn't dare believe it. Even at this moment, to him, the position Yi Yuanzhi occupied was still the father he'd known for many years.

The father he had known for many years; even if the affection between them wasn't balanced, Yi Yuanzhi surely also loved him.

There was a roaring in his ears.

"What?"

His chest felt suffocated, he could not breath. All of a sudden, this person in his field of view no longer seemed alive.

"Indeed. I should have known earlier. In the past, I thought you were well-behaved and would be easy to bring up. When we divorced, I'd also always assumed that you would choose me." Yi Yuanzhi's lips moved, curving into a smile. Oddly, his smile made him seem a stranger to Yi Zhe. For a long period of time in his memories, his father had always had the same expression—even when Yi Zhe was a child, when his father had tucked him into bed and said goodnight, his face had been cold and cheerless.

"Looking at it now, I was right back then. I came out of the marriage with nothing to my name, so it's a good thing that I didn't take you away. I'm preparing to migrate with Yi Xun. You've already reached legal age long ago. I won't be giving you money anymore in the future and you don't have to contact us either."

His recollections broke free of his control. Yi Zhe didn't want to recall but those memories came uninvited, bubbling forth in his mind. He remembered the year he was in Year 6, Yi Yuanzhi had suddenly come to his school. He was in music class at that time. The class teacher came to the door and called him over. He followed behind Yi Yuanzhi to walk to the empty space between two school buildings. Yi Yuanzhi bent down a little, looked him in the eye, and said, "Yi Zhe, choose Daddy tomorrow. Daddy will give you the best life."

There was a sink in that empty space for students to wash the mops. The tap was old and rusted. Water dripped out.

Yi Yuanzhi walked towards the coat rack and picked up the ultra-expensive coat hung on it. Yi Zhe recalled that Yi Yuanzhi had always told him not to dress so poorly, always wearing a black down jacket once it was winter.

Standing there quietly, Yi Zhe did not say a single word. He bent down and picked up the down jacket on the sofa, then looked up and brushed past Yi Yuanzhi, walking out the room with large strides.

The door closed behind him. The sound wasn't loud, just like the last drop of water falling into the sink on that summer's day.

In the water was a lie, an illusion, a mirage.

And in those things, there had once been a Yi Zhe submerged in them.

T/N:

[1] Tripartite agreement - a contract signed by the graduating student, the university they are graduating from and the employer hiring the student.