Yi Zhe only made one trip back to their rented apartment on the day Xu Tangcheng left. After that, he never went back again. There were too many traces left behind in the apartment, any random spot Yi Zhe's eyes swept past could make him recall something and he would then be lost in his thoughts for a long while.
When he went back that one time, he took his wallet and the camera. Then, from the box on the fridge, he dug out the landlord's number.
"You want to extend the rental period?" The landlord was an auntie who wasn't young. Hearing his request, the person on the other end laughed. "Are you guys planning to rent for the rest of your lives and are afraid I'm gonna increase the rent or something?"
Holding the phone up, Yi Zhe didn't understand what she was saying.
"The young man who rents with you came to me just a few days ago to extend the tenancy. You young people are really funny. I rent the place out on a yearly basis. He spent a long time wearing me down and extended the tenancy for three years. Why, he didn't tell you?"
After saying that, the landlord didn't get any response even after a long while so she teased, "Then, how many years do you wanna extend it?"
Yi Zhe stopped for a while. He lowered his head with a soft laugh.
That was true. What he could think of, how could Xu Tangcheng not have?
Three years.
"Then, he'll be back in three years?" Without realising it, Yi Zhe actually asked this question to the quiet air.
"Sorry?" A curious question. The landlord didn't hear it clearly.
"Nothing." Very sincerely, Yi Zhe said, "Thank you."
There were a lot of preparations to be made before going to the South Pole. Among them, the most important item was the huge amount of psychological assessments. Yi Zhe and the others would be going with an American team, hence all the assessments to be done were from that side. Yi Zhe and Shan-ge flew together to the United States. Fortunately, the terminal they departed from wasn't Terminal 1.
That period of time didn't crawl by as slowly as Yi Zhe had imagined it would. There were many times when, after he had been so busy that everything was a blur, time would have skipped to Saturday, as though the preceding five days had never happened. In Shan-ge's words, Yi Zhe was at the level where he forgot about sleep and food, his heart and soul in his research. Only Yi Zhe himself knew that he had nothing else to do, nowhere else to go.
"What I'm saying is, can't you at least shave." Shan-ge was sitting beside him. He turned his head a few times and really couldn't bear seeing it anymore. "At the very least, our looks are pretty decent. Can't you pay a little more attention to your appearance?"
Yi Zhe lifted his head from a pile of English papers and looked at him expressionlessly.
"'Tch." Shan-ge couldn't stand looking at him anymore and waved his hand. "Don't look at me, I can't stand looking at you anymore. In the future, if any junior tells me that you're hot, I'll think that she's blind."
The junior opposite them who had her head lowered accidentally let out a laugh, drawing both their gazes.
Shan-ge reacted quickly and asked at once, "Don't you agree? The way he is now, do you still think he's hot?"
"Actually… he's still… pretty hot. The hobo aesthetic." The junior couldn't afford to offend the da-shixiong who was glaring at her. She coughed a couple of times, picked up a bunch of keys and got up. "But Yi Zhe, you should still clean yourself up a little. Don't keep learning from Shan-ge."
"Hey? Who are you talking about? Ah, if he doesn't care about his appearance, it's the hobo aesthetic; if I don't care about my appearance, I'm a sloppy male engineer. I think there's something fundamentally wrong with your attitude."
Yi Zhe watched the junior leave. He touched his lower jaw.
It did feel rather unkempt.
"Enough, stop touching. Give me your bank card number, I'll submit your expenses along with mine."
Shan-ge might grumble but he was pretty nice to Yi Zhe. Yi Zhe quickly made a noise in response and dug out his bank card from his wallet.
But when he looked at the front of the card, he was stunned. Shan-ge saw that he was not moving and also not speaking, and peeked over curiously. "What's the matter?"
Yi Zhe looked up at him and slowly handed the bank card over.
"Wow, you're really girly. You even stuck a small bunny on your card." Shan-ge recorded the number while asking, "Your girlfriend stuck it there?"
It was Xu Tangcheng who stuck it.
But that was not the reason why Yi Zhe was lost in thought.
He couldn't remember his bank card number clearly but he knew that at that time, the bunny on his card was a black bunny in an orange dress, while Xu Tangcheng's card had a white bunny in a yellow dress.
But now…
Yi Zhe looked at the card.
Xu Tangcheng had swapped cards with him before leaving
He didn't know how much money this card had, but he knew that it was definitely more than what he had.
Yi Zhe thought of something and suddenly smiled. Shan-ge passed the card back to him and saw him facing the computer and smiling foolishly on his own, and was puzzled. "Reading that paper makes you so happy?"
Yi Zhe didn't say anything. He took the card and slipped it back in its place before suddenly looking up and asking Shan-ge, "How long will it take for this reimbursement to go through?"
"Should be a month at most. Why? You need the money urgently?"
One month…
Yi Zhe thought, that was too long.
He stood up abruptly, gripping the card and running to the nearby supermarket. He picked and chose, and bought a pack of biscuits.
He walked back holding the biscuits. For once, there was a bit of warmth surging in his heart. He wondered if Xu Tangcheng had received the bank notification by now, and was this counted as violating their promise not to contact each other.
Near the main entrance to the campus, there were increasingly more people. As he wound his way through two rows of metal railing, his phone buzzed. Yi Zhe's steps paused. Then, he realised that he was blocking the people behind him and took two quick steps to stand at the side.
He dug out his phone and checked his messages. The biscuits lost their original shape as the strength gripping them gradually increased, shattering into small pieces.
A purchase of RMB25.00 was made with your debit card ending xxxx on 10/08/2013 at 21:18. Your account balance is xxxxx.
Near the end of their preparation work, a month before departure, Yi Zhe returned to City C. He didn't actually have anything to retrieve but he had a sudden urge to go back for a look. Coincidentally, Zhao Weifan and You Fang wanted to fulfil a promise to him so it was an opportune reason for him to go home.
Unexpectedly, when he climbed up the stairs, he met Duan Xiqiao whom he had not seen for a long time at his front door.
Duan Xiqiao's getup was a few levels more shocking than it had been in the past but his entire body was giving out a feeling of complete dejection, stopping Yi Zhe in his tracks. Standing on the stairs, Yi Zhe frowned as he looked at the man's colourful dreadlocks, feeling deep in his heart that Xiang Xiyi's sense of aesthetics was now as vast as the sea that could contain the waters from hundreds of rivers.
"Yi Zhe!" The man who had been sitting on the ground with his head down stood up suddenly, giving Yi Zhe a fright.
Since Duan Xiqiao was here, Xiang Xiyi was definitely also here. Yi Zhe decisively gave up on going home and turned to head downstairs. But when he turned, he took an extra glance at the metal grille on the opposite side and in that extra second, Duan Xiqiao clutched his arm, preventing him from taking even a single step.
"What the hell?" Yi Zhe turned around and gave Duan Xiqiao a cross look.
"Aren't you going in?"
"No. Let go."
If Duan Xiqiao's eyes had any ability to discern, he wouldn't be pursuing Xiang Xiyi until today. Hence, he wasn't bothered by Yi Zhe's face that was full of displeasure. Not only did he not let go, he even took a step forward, looking at Yi Zhe with an exceptionally deep feeling.
To his surprise, Yi Zhe saw that there were tears in those eyes. His scalp instantly tingled.
"Why are you crying…" In his world, other than Xu Tangcheng, no man had the right to cry. "If there's anything, just spit it out. Let go of me."
"You…" After glancing at the door beside them, Duan Xiqiao finally loosened his grip and stood properly. "Can you persuade Isla?"
Duan Xiqiao had suddenly wiped away his expression of exaggerated joy and smiles, no longer behaving like he was acting in a play. Yi Zhe couldn't quite get used to it. He studied Duan Xiqiao for a while, then asked frankly, "Who's Isla?"
"Your mother."
It was the first time Yi Zhe knew that Xiang Xiyi had such a name.
"Oh, what about her?"
After he asked that question, on the face of the man in front of him, the corners of the mouth suddenly turned downwards. Right after that, those shoulders trembled a couple of times and suddenly, there was no one before Yi Zhe's eyes.
"Why are you crying…" Yi Zhe took one step down, looking in resignation at the person who had curled himself up tightly into a ball at the top of the stairs, covering a face full of tears. "Spit it out, what happened to her?"
Yi Zhe entered his home. He heard sounds coming from the bathroom. He dawdled for a while by the shoe cabinet, then crouched down beside the coffee table, slowly looking for a cup.
The few cups there were shifted around several times before the bathroom door finally opened. Xiang Xiyi had applied a pink facial mask today. When she saw Yi Zhe, her first reaction was to press on the corners of her eyes with two fingers. "Oh my, you gave me a fright. Kid, you didn't even make a sound when you came in."
Yi Zhe took a cup and stood up. He didn't talk back.
He walked to the water dispenser to get water but the barrel was already empty without even half a drop left. Xiang Xiyi turned on the T.V. and increased the volume. She gave no indication of paying Yi Zhe any more attention.
"I will be going on a trip in a few days." Yi Zhe put the empty cup on the coffee table. He thought for a while; in the end, he turned around and said, "I will probably be gone for a year."
"What a coincidence." Xiang Xiyi's mouth only opened a small crack for fear of affecting the facial mask's effects. "I'm also going on a trip. Where are you going?"
Yi Zhe knew that Xiang Xiyi was just asking casually because she was in a good mood but he still gave her a serious answer. "The South Pole."
"Whoa." Because of this unique destination, Xiang Xiyi was finally willing to move her gaze from the T.V. to him. "Amazing."
Yi Zhe really did not know how to respond to this "compliment," so he only said, "Yeah."
Xiang Xiyi was unexpectedly humoured into laughing. A few wrinkles appeared on her facial mask but she didn't even yell at him.
"Then, bring home a penguin for me, will you?" she said as she smoothed out the facial mask. "If you can't bring a live one back, a dead one is fine too. I've never seen one."
Yi Zhe's initial plan had been to first talk about something, then very naturally lead the conversation to the topic of medical treatment. But with great self-awareness, he judged himself to be lacking this ability, especially when faced with Xiang Xiyi. So he immediately gave up on beating around the bush and asked Xiang Xiyi bluntly, "Why aren't you getting your illness treated?"
Xiang Xiyi paused. She reacted very quickly. "Duan Xiqiao, that son of a bitch."
She started to flip through the channels. Yi Zhe saw that she had no intention of answering him and continued to ask, "It's not like there's no hope. Why aren't you getting treatment?"
"Hope?" Xiang Xiyi finally picked a variety show chock full of silly laughter. She leaned back on the sofa. "I'll need to do continuous dialysis, spend money to join the queue for a kidney transplant—whether or not it'll reach my turn before I die and the success of the operation is another question—and I'll also need to listen to the doctor and take good care of my health. I can't catch a cold or fall sick again because my immune system is weak. It would be best if I stayed at home every day. If it's more severe, I can't even drink water. You think that is hope?"
"But at least you'll be able to hold on for a very long time."
"Hold on?" Xiang Xiyi let out a snort of laughter. "If you ask me, compared to this kind of holding on, death is more hopeful."
Yi Zhe had only ever known that everyone should treasure their lives. He didn't know there was this way to live. He couldn't understand Xiang Xiyi using this careless attitude when talking about life and death, about her life, so he frowned and said, "What you're doing is very irresponsible."
"Irresponsible?"
Xiang Xiyi didn't immediately refute. Her sighs were ringed in laughter as she digested his words, as though she found them very funny. Yi Zhe remained standing there stubbornly, waiting for her to be done laughing. So she removed her facial mask, pulled a tissue and wiped her face clean before slowly saying to Yi Zhe, "You're saying that I'm being irresponsible to myself? How am I irresponsible? I eat well and I sleep well. I don't treat myself unfairly even for a day. Just because I live a few years less, I'm being irresponsible? Yi Zhe, not everyone wants to live to a hundred. Don't use that tactic to beg me."
Hearing how righteous she sounded when talking about giving up on her life, Yi Zhe was a little speechless. "Then, according to you, those who kill themselves are also right?"
"Of course not." Xiang Xiyi gave him a curious look. "Those people are suffering. Regardless of what kind of suffering it is, basically, they're in so much suffering that they can't live anymore. I'm not the same as them. I am living very well so even if I die, I don't feel that there's anything unfortunate about my life. So why can't I make a choice between a life without freedom and death?"
A fallacy.
"Mm." Whether or not it was a fallacy, Yi Zhe could not win an argument with her so for the time being, he did not debate with her the question of whether or not to live. Instead, he asked, "Then have you ever thought about Duan Xiqiao?"
Xiang Xiyi massaged the corner of her eyes with her fingertips. She asked curiously, "What has this got to do with him?"
This return question, plus Xiang Xiyi's look of total incomprehension, made Yi Zhe give up entirely on persuading her. Thinking of the man outside who cried until he no longer looked like himself, he suddenly felt that it wasn't worth it for that man.
His heart was completely cold now. He turned to go into his room but Xiang Xiyi called out to stop him, asking after he turned, "By the way, where's that little boyfriend of yours? You guys broke up?"
Yi Zhe didn't need to see her face to imagine her expression of schadenfreude.
"No."
"You're still saying 'no.' I've been back a few times and there hasn't been a pip from the opposite door. They've moved away, haven't they?" Xiang Xiyi sighed. "That's why I say, why fall in love blindly in the first place? What kind of people is that family, didn't you use your brain to consider that?"
Hearing that, Yi Zhe turned around abruptly and asked with an unpleasant expression. "What about that family?"
"Don't give me that dirty look. I am teaching you out of the kindness of my heart." Perhaps due to her illness, Xiang Xiyi was indeed a lot more peaceful today. Usually, if Yi Zhe talked to her in this way, she would have long answered him with swear words. She rolled her eyes at Yi Zhe and explained, "His mum is the kind that would give me those looks if she sees me with heavy makeup. You expect her to accept you being in a relationship with her son? I think you really have shit for brains. Don't glare at me, I'm not saying anything bad about your little boyfriend's mum. I just want you to think: you give me that nonsense now about being irresponsible because I'm not getting medical treatment, how is it different from his mum thinking that there's something wrong with your heads because you two are dating? We're all narrow-minded, we all think that we're right. No one can point fingers at others."
Yi Zhe didn't say anything. He glared at Xiang Xiyi for a long while, then went into his room and slammed the door.
The cabinet in the room contained the money Xiang Xiyi had given him all these years, stacks of cash that made him look loaded. Yi Zhe found a travel bag and put all the money inside it, then brought it out.
Xiang Xiyi looked at the bag he threw on the coffee table rather disbelievingly. She lifted her head and glared as she asked Yi Zhe, "Did you grow up all these years eating rat shit?"
"What I ate growing up has nothing to do with you," Yi Zhe replied calmly. "I'm returning the money to you. No matter how much you think you make sense, I hope you can go for medical treatment."
He believed that Duan Xiqiao genuinely loved Xiang Xiyi. No matter how heartless Xiang Xiyi was, that rather dim-witted man's love for her was unshakeable.
He had said all that he needed to say and done all that he needed to do. As for the rest, there was nothing he could do about them. He didn't have any affection for Xiang Xiyi. He knew his place in her heart; Xiang Xiyi wouldn't change her decision because of his actions and words.
"No." Xiang Xiyi's face still had the same lazy expression. She looked at Yi Zhe and said to him, "From tomorrow onwards, I will be going on a trip. I won't come back anymore. Even if Duan Xiqiao looks for you again, you don't have to bother with me. Even though I gave birth to you, I have never taken care of you. I am very clear on this. So, even if I die, you don't have to collect my body."
Xiang Xiyi was acerbic and malicious. Yi Zhe didn't like her, this was the truth. But when she suddenly brought up death, Yi Zhe still felt greatly shocked.
Die?
A person who was so strong, who never suffered a disadvantage, would leave so quickly?
The times he and Xiang Xiyi could coexist peacefully were rare but when Yi Zhe turned around this time, neither of them said anything. They only looked at each other quietly for a while.
"I know that you're different from Yi Yuanzhi and Yi Xun."
In his memories, ever since Xiang Xiyi divorced Yi Yuanzhi, this was the first time she was saying those two names.
"Of course, you're not the same as me either." Xiang Xiyi cocked her head and smiled with some resignation. "But you're too unrealistic. This thing called 'family love' doesn't suit me, and suits Yi Yuanzhi even less. All that stuff about benevolent fathers and filial sons, oh dear, if you were to link Yi Yuanzhi to them, I'll laugh until my teeth fall out, do you know?"
After saying all that, Xiang Xiyi immersed herself once more in the T.V. and laughed happily. Without the facial mask, there was nothing cutting off the sound of her laughter, as though the one with an illness wasn't her, the one who was dying soon also wasn't her.
"Back then, when the two of you divorced, why had you both wanted me?" Yi Zhe asked suddenly.
This was a question he had suppressed in his heart for a long time. Starting from the time when Yi Yuanzhi's image in his heart toppled, he hadn't been able to understand. Since neither of them cared, why had they given him that illusion at that time?
Xiang Xiyi was stunned for a moment. Her eyes moved and her face was suddenly full of mirth. "Could it be you're asking this because you think that he loves you?"
There was a slight tremble in his brows. Yi Zhe stood there quietly, unspeaking.
He could see that Xiang Xiyi was genuinely trying her best to stifle her laughter but in the end, she still failed and ended up laughing openly.
"Because at that time, neither of us were willing to have two kids. You were already a big kid, it was easier to take care of you."
Xiang Xiyi saw the numb expression on Yi Zhe's face and understood something. She paused, then said, "You should have asked me earlier. Who would have thought that you would think that way? Did you make a fool of yourself in front of him? But other than you being easier to take care of, there is actually another reason why I wanted you. Just like what I said just now, from the time you two were young, I realised that Yi Xun resembles Yi Yuanzhi too much. Whenever he wanted something, he acted obedient and docile, and there wasn't anything he wouldn't do. People like them look like gentlemen from the outside, but are actually extremely ruthless. They don't care about anyone. You're not the same. I was too disgusted with Yi Yuanzhi so since I had to keep one child anyway, I might as well keep you and prevent you from being turned into the same kind as that scum."
Yi Zhe spent more than half the night thinking about Xiang Xiyi's last words. In the end, his head befuddled, he came out with a conclusion: his habit of not seeing clearly what other people were like, of not understanding what they were thinking, was something he had since young.
He slept too late so when he was roused by the noise outside his door the next morning, his eyes remained half-closed, his mind taking a long while to wake up before he suddenly sat up. He rushed to open the door and went out, and saw that Xiang Xiyi already had her makeup done and was dragging a suitcase to leave.
"Oh, you're up. Then this is the last time we'll see each other."
"Mm." Yi Zhe combed a hand through his hair, hiding the signs of his urgency just now.
Xiang Xiyi reached the entrance and changed into a pair of golden stilettos. She took a scarf, then tossed a bunch of keys onto the shoe cabinet. Yi Zhe took a couple of steps forward, staring at the keys in a daze.
Xiang Xiyi put a pair of sunglasses on her nose, hiding half her face, then waved at Yi Zhe. "I'm leaving now, goodbye."
"If you…"
The moment she turned, Yi Zhe suddenly opened his mouth. He watched her turn her head back, his gaze lingering on her face before he said, "If you die, let me know."
Xiang Xiyi stared blankly for a while, then let out an indifferent laugh. "There's no need for that, is there?"
"There is," Yi Zhe insisted. "Let me know."
Their final meeting ended with Xiang Xiyi yielding for the first time ever.
"Okay." After a short silence, Xiang Xiyi sighed and nodded. "I'll let you know."
The front door closed with a heavy sound.
Yi Zhe continued to look at the door for a while before turning around, one small step at a time. He turned a circle where he was, looking at the home where he had lived for so many years, the home where he was the only one left now.
The door to Xiang Xiyi's room was still ajar. Yi Zhe took a few steps towards it and stopped at the door.
The room was very messy, even messier than his own room had been in the past.
In this home, the scene that had happened most frequently was Xiang Xiyi slamming her door open, her hair disheveled, then shouting all her rage that she could not hold back at him.
The place was too quiet, so quiet that Yi Zhe suddenly had a slight longing for that sound he had once been so unwilling to hear.
He took a careful look around the room, then reached a hand out and pulled the door close. He went to the bathroom to wash up. When he was done, he came out and only then noticed that the bag of money was still sitting on the coffee table, and there were even a few sheets of paper on top of it. Yi Zhe picked them up and went through them; to his surprise, Xiang Xiyi was actually leaving him an inheritance.
That night, Yi Zhe went for dinner with Zhao Weifan and You Fang. During the meal, as usual, You Fang was chatty and as usual, Zhao Weifan told him to shut up a few times—just like the old times when they studied together. Yi Zhe kept to himself and drank quite a lot. Zhao Weifan stopped him twice but each time, he pushed her hand away and said, "It's the last time. I won't drink anymore after this."
Men understood each other after all; You Fang tugged Zhao Weifan and signalled to her with his eyes, hinting that she shouldn't stop Yi Zhe.
"By the way, I saw that Yu An the other day."
Yi Zhe stared blankly. He lifted his tipsy gaze.
"Hmph." Zhao Weifan slapped the table in indignation. "He represented their company to conduct a networking session at our university. What an honour for him. Heaven truly has no eyes, just seeing him standing on stage and smiling non-stop like a hypocrite pisses me off."
"Mm." Compared to Zhao Weifan's anger, Yi Zhe had no particular response at all. He only made a low noise in response, downed another glass of beer, then turned that glass in his hand and spaced out.
When it was time to go back, Yi Zhe was already passed out drunk. You Fang pushed him up from the table, carried him on his back down the building, then stuffed him into a cab, his face red from the exertion. Zhao Weifan wanted to sit with Yi Zhe in the backseat but You Fang dragged her away with a cross face, pressing down on her head and pushing her into the front seat.
Throughout the journey, You Fang thought that Yi Zhe was asleep and grumbled quite a bit to Zhao Weifan about how damnably heavy a dude of this size was. Zhao Weifan lost her patience with his muttering and snapped her head around to glower at him, and saw that Yi Zhe was leaning against the seat, his eyes open and looking out the window.
Zhao Weifan had been friends with Yi Zhe for so many years but she had never seen him like this—like even his breathing was not there and he was completely separated from this world, with nothing at all tying him to it.
"Yi Zhe."
Her heart ached and she called out to him but the person she called did not show any reaction.
When they reached the neighbourhood, Yi Zhe didn't let You Fang carry him so You Fang held him up and the three of them staggered up the building. But when they reached his door, as You Fang and Zhao Weifan frantically searched Yi Zhe's body for the key, they were suddenly pushed away by a strong force. Zhao Weifan cried out in alarm but Yi Zhe had already stumbled his way to the opposite door and slammed against it.
"Fuck." You Fang heard the loud noise when Yi Zhe crashed against the grille and panicked. "Why the hell are you going to someone's house in the middle of the night?"
Yi Zhe shifted. He pressed his forehead against the grille, then stood there without moving.
You Fang didn't know why Yi Zhe would go to someone else's home but Zhao Weifan knew. She looked at Yi Zhe's back and her eyes reddened instantly.
"He…" You Fang wanted to say something to Zhao Weifan but saw that her expression wasn't quite right and was startled. "What's the matter?"
Yi Zhe stood there leaning against the grille. Then, his body suddenly started to slide downwards. Zhao Weifan hurried over to pull him up but couldn't stop him.
"Don't sit on the ground, it's cold." Zhao Weifan crouched down in front of him. She softened her voice, wanting to coax him into standing up.
Yi Zhe slumped against the door. His eyes were still open like they had been before but when Zhao Weifan faced him, she could not see her own reflection in those eyes.
Perhaps he was sober or perhaps he was still drunk now. He lowered his head, sitting there quietly.
"Let's get up, Yi Zhe. Go home and sleep."
Zhao Weifan repeated those words a few times. At the start, Yi Zhe didn't respond but in the end, he finally said in a hoarse voice, "I'll sit for a while."
Zhao Weifan bit down hard on her lip.
Like he thought that Zhao Weifan hadn't heard him, Yi Zhe grabbed her hand that was tugging on his sleeve and said softly, "I'll just sit here for a while. I won't knock on the door."
The three of them didn't speak anymore. Before long, the light in the corridor went out.
After sitting in the darkness for an unknown period of time, You Fang felt his legs going numb. He was furtively shifting his weight when he suddenly heard Zhao Weifan call out to him. Her voice was very soft, the light wasn't even activated.
"Mm?"
"I don't want to support gay rights anymore."
"Huh?" Those words gave You Fan a total shock. The surroundings suddenly brightened. You Fang saw that Zhao Weifan's face was covered in tears.
"What's this about?" He quickly crouched down and wanted to wipe away her tears but she turned her head away to avoid him.
"What on earth is the matter?"
"I don't want to support gay rights anymore." Zhao Weifan brought her hand up and wiped away the tears on both sides of her face. "It's too painful."
One month later, Yi Zhe left Beijing.
Both he and Shan-ge stayed in the building for PhD students. At dawn, they called for a cab and headed to the airport.
Not long after they got into the cab, Shan-ge leaned his head back and fell asleep. It was a quiet hour in the first place and the driver also didn't talk much. Only the radio broadcast accompanied Yi Zhe at a volume that wasn't loud to look at this city that was a little too full of memories.
The beginning, the pause, they all happened here.
"Our next song is dedicated to the countless travellers who are in the middle of their journey. We hope for everyone to have a piece of serenity and a good mood full of hope during their travels, and to return from their journey with all their wishes fulfilled. By Corrinne May, Journey."
The female radio host's sweet voice faded away, the music began. At the start, Yi Zhe only felt that it sounded familiar. When the first part was over, he suddenly turned his eyes to the front, looking at the sound system that was playing the song.
It's a long, long journey
'Til I know where I'm supposed to be
It's a long, long journey
I don't know if I can believe
When shadows fall and block my eyes
I am lost and know that I must hide
It's a long, long journey
'Til I find my way home to you
Many days I've spent
Drifting on empty shores
Wondering what's my purpose
Wondering how to make me strong
I know I will falter
I know I will cry
I know you'll be standing by my side
It's a long, long journey
And I need to be close to you
Sometimes it seems no one understands
I don't even know why I do the things I do
When pride builds me up 'til I can't see my soul
Will you break down these walls and pull me through
"I like this singer quite a bit. This is her first album and it tells the story of a traveller."
"I just thought of something. The name of my favourite song in this album is very appropriate for the current situation."
"What is it?"
"Journey."
Journey.
How had he understood it at that time?
Yi Zhe no longer remembered it clearly but he was certain that he hadn't had any kind of deep understanding of it. Because he remembered that he had fallen asleep halfway through the song.
He could now understand the English words washing over him. Back then, he had been drowsy; now, he could not be any more awake.
On this dawn when he was about to cross thousands of miles for a distant, remote place, Yi Zhe suddenly understood: it turned out that time could not be reversed, nor could it be caught up to when pursued at a normal speed. It turned its back on everything wrought by humans; all the childishness, ignorance and impudence that a person believed themselves to have was of no significance at all to time.
The song Xu Tangcheng had understood five and a half years ago, he only understood now. This was the six years separating them.
And this—not anything else—was his journey.
Yi Zhe looked out the window but his tears could not escape the lyrics pursuing them. All of a sudden, he was a little hateful towards this coincidence. It was as though there was someone standing high among the clouds, looking down from above, and telling him: Look, this is the ending that was written from the very start. I've already given you a hint so many years ago but you were not at all alert.
Six years, Yi Zhe thought, isn't it just six years? He would chase, he would walk to the end.
The song dropped the last two lines. Yi Zhe turned his head to the side and smiled at his blurred reflection.
'Cause it's a long, long journey
'Til I find my way home to you… to you
If he couldn't catch up to Xu Tangcheng using a normal speed, he would use twice the speed, three times the speed, and chase after him. In front of the stairs dappled in light and shadow, he had hugged Xu Tangcheng and said that he ran very fast, that no matter where Xu Tangcheng was, he could reach him and hold him.
T/N:
Not sure if anyone remembers this but in the earlier chapter where the bank cards first made their appearance, the bunnies' outfits were red and yellow respectively. Somehow, the red turned to orange here, so uh, let's just go with an orangey-red colour.