Yi Zhe didn't eat dinner that day. After switching off his laptop, he emptied his mind and stayed in bed the whole time. The sun withdrew its rays, the sky darkened, and light gradually left his field of view. On top of that, his roommates had already gone back to their homes so the room was very empty. With this, even his thoughts seemed to have more space. He could finally take everything out and lay out every single detail in front of him, and need not mull over them in secret.

The current state of things might be bad but it also didn't seem to be the worst case scenario. At the very least, Xu Tangcheng had not drawn a clear boundary between them. It was just that Yi Zhe was a little remorseful, feeling that he had understood things too late. If he had repressed his feelings earlier, things would not be so awkward between them.

Lost in his thoughts, he didn't even hear Zheng Yikun push the door open, enter and call out to him.

"A penny for your thoughts?" Seeing that he was not responding, Zheng Yikun switched on the light and walked over. He patted the side of his bed. "Let's go for a game of billiards."

Billiards.

After being momentarily dazzled, Yi Zhe's eyes got used to the light. He turned his head to the side and looked at Zheng Yikun's face but the blurry image of another face kept blocking his vision.

Untouchable. Irremovable.

He was afraid that he had been thinking too much in the last couple of days, so much so that he seemed possessed. Or perhaps, Xu Tangcheng's shadow truly existed everywhere. To him, any random thing could be related to him.

It was like there was an aching feeling seeping out of his bones but after it merged with his blood, there was a faint sweetness. Yi Zhe blinked. He felt that this was also very good.

"You…" Zheng Yikun locked eyes with him for a while, then raised his eyebrows. "Got your heart broken?"

After staring blankly for a couple of seconds, Yi Zhe suddenly sat up, crossed his legs, and looked at the person standing next to his bed.

Zheng Yikun looked at his guarded and wary state, and let out a low laugh. "Why are you so nervous? I won't laugh at you."

Yi Zhe didn't say anything. He maintained the same pose and stared at him for a few seconds before looking away.

"Oh, you…" Zheng Yikun rested his hand on the bedrail, stretching a finger out and pointing a few times before saying, "You're actually quite pure-hearted."

Meeting Yi Zhe's not-very-friendly gaze, he curled the corner of his lips up, unperturbed. Then, leaning against the loft bed ladder, he took out a cigarette from his pocket.

Yi Zhe immediately stated in a calm voice, "Smoking is not allowed in the dorms. If you want to smoke, go outside."

"Sure." Zheng Yikun put his lighter away but not the cigarette. He kept it between his fingers, toying with it, then continued to speak. "Let me guess your story. You don't need to say anything. If my words are of any use at all, then listen. If you think I'm bullshitting, say something and I'll fuck right off. All right?"

After studying him for a while, Yi Zhe sort of gave him silent permission to go on.

This was the first time he was discussing those deeply hidden feelings with someone. If he brought Zheng Yikun out and told other people that he was from University A, absolutely no one would believe him, but despite that, there was something Yi Zhe was certain of; Zheng Yikun was someone who was very self-centered and would definitely not take other people's business seriously. In other words, after he walked out the door later, Zheng Yikun would not bring up a single word from today's conversation.

"Just look at you right now, you definitely had your heart broken. Am I right?"

Zheng Yikun suddenly tossed out this very assured line. Yi Zhe could only lock eyes with him and remain silent.

"With your personality and your relationship history that's obviously completely blank, if you're currently in a relationship, there's no way you would be the way you are now." After explaining, Zheng Yikun even cocked his head in contemplation, then added another line. "I can imagine that your lips would be stretching up high enough to reach your temples every day."

Yi Zhe did not at all like the way he made this irrelevant joke when talking about this problem that was so serious it was nearly critical. He shot Zheng Yikun a look, thinking that the other guy wouldn't be saying anything useful today. He turned and lay down, holding no hope. "You try smiling like that."

"It's up to you to believe me or not. You'll definitely be like that. I don't dare say anything when it comes to academic results but when it comes to judging people, I can bet that no one in University A is more ruthless than I am. One look and I can tell that you're the pigheaded type."

Yi Zhe couldn't stop himself from glaring at him. Why was it that his many years of being lost in his feelings turned into "pigheadedness" in his words?

"Okay, okay, okay. Not pigheaded. You're deeply in love, all right? But to me, they're both the same thing." Unlike him, Zheng Yikun's temper was good and he was even smiling the whole time. "Why did I say you're pure-hearted? Being pigheaded is one side of it, the other side is, surely you can't be thinking that being secretly in love with someone is something that concerns only yourself?"

As much as Yi Zhe felt that he did not fully understand that question, for some reason, his heart sank. Perhaps it was because this one single question from Zheng Yikun pierced right into his heart that had once thought that luck was on his side; or perhaps it was because he could tell that the words Zheng Yikun was going to say next were what the other guy really wanted to say today.

"Bro, let me tell you, don't believe all that crap about loving someone secretly. Not unless you're really loving them from very far away and the two of you usually don't see each other. As long as you two know each other and are in contact with each other, there's no way it can be only one person's business. They will know sooner or later. For example, if someone is secretly in love with me, I would be able to tell at a glance."

Of course, Yi Zhe didn't want to discuss with him the question of whether or not someone was secretly in love with him. At this moment, he was still stubbornly denying Zheng Yikun's words from the very bottom of his heart. If anyone other than Xu Tangcheng was secretly in love with him, he would probably never realise for his whole life.

"Looking at how you are now, I guess you were found out recently and the other party isn't giving much of a reaction." Zheng Yikun reached through the bedrail to pat Yi Zhe's arm. "Pure-hearted little virgin boy, I have to warn you not to be like a dog with a bone. This kind of situation is the most common. It's actually also the easiest to resolve. If you don't take the initiative to bring this up with them, if you pretend to be a fool along with them, no one will come after you and say, 'Hey, I noticed that you like me, I'm warning you, don't do that.' Two people both pretending to be fools, both closing one eye and keeping one eye open, and things will pass just like that."

Contrary to how he had been just now, after Zheng Yikun finished his world-wise words, Yi Zhe flipped his body over and looked at Zheng Yikun, then opened his mouth and asked, "What do you mean by 'things will pass'?"

This time, Zheng Yikun thought for a while. He took all the learning he possessed to summarise it. "The two of you pretend to be fools and don't bring up this troubling matter. Then, at the very least, on the surface, you can still pass as friends."

Naturally, Yi Zhe did not go with Zheng Yikun to play billiards. After Zheng Yikun left, he lay down again and continued to stare at the ceiling in a stupor. His phone was right beside his pillow. When his stomach was unbearably hungry, he finally seemed to have made some kind of resolve, and took up his phone.

But while he was hesitating and had yet to press Call, the screen lit up by itself. The flickering words were still that same name.

One second, and Yi Zhe had already pushed himself up abruptly with one elbow. At the same time, his other hand accepted the call.

"Tangcheng-ge." His body was tense, his eyes staring at a corner of the desk opposite him, nerves stretched taut, his entire attention focused.

On the other end, Xu Tangcheng made a noise in response and asked, "Busy?"

"No."

The outer layer on the corner of the desk had come off. Who knew if it was because the desks University A bought were of poor quality or because that roommate of his needed to dig his nails into the corner of the desk every day when he was deep in thought while coding.

"I want to ask, when will you be going home? If you don't have anything else to do on campus, how about leaving tomorrow?" Xu Tangcheng paused, then explained, "At first I planned to leave the day after tomorrow but a friend wants to look for me on that day. So I thought of leaving after the meet-up tomorrow evening."

"Okay," Yi Zhe agreed.

He felt that his reply was too short. He wanted to say more but he had nothing else to say.

"Mm, okay."

On the other end, Xu Tangcheng repeated the word a little redundantly, then suddenly also fell silent.

The two of them had never had a phone call like this, like both sides were being very careful, so much so that even a normal exchange had restrictions. Yi Zhe felt so guilty that he couldn't even ask a simple, "Are you busy? Have you eaten?" They could clearly hear each other's breathing, yet in reality, they were separated by insurmountable waters and mountains.

When this awkwardness was about to feel unbearable, Xu Tangcheng spoke again.

"Then, that's it?"

Yi Zhe gripped his fists. He replied, "Yeah."

The call disconnected. Yi Zhe grabbed at his own short hair in irritation, then buried his head in his pillow. He recalled what Zheng Yikun had said just now: The two of you pretend to be fools and don't bring up this troubling matter. Then, at the very least, on the surface, you can still pass as friends.

Based on Yi Zhe's past habits, if they were meeting up to eat, he would arrive on the dot. But this time, when he reached the restaurant, he was a full twenty minutes early.

The place Lu Ming had reserved was a nearby Xinjiang restaurant that was very popular recently. The main dining area was a little cramped. Even though they had reserved a table for nine, the place only had small square tables. The servers joined two tables together and arranged nine chairs—four on each of the two long sides and a long bench on one of the short ends, rather like the seat of honour for the host.

Without thinking, Yi Zhe sat on one of the seats at the very end.

This seat had its back to the door. Every now and then, the door was pushed open and the cold wind blew in together with the sound of conversations. Every time it happened, Yi Zhe could not stop himself from turning around to look. But most of the time, before he had completely turned around, he could already determine whether or not the people coming in included Xu Tangcheng.

He waited in this manner for a few minutes and the server standing at the side kept looking at him. Perhaps the server thought that he was impatient from waiting, so they brought the menu over and asked if he wanted to order first. Yi Zhe shook his head, feeling that the yellow glow of the restaurant's lights was making him restless. After the server walked away, he got up and changed to the seat that faced the door.

Lu Ming and the others came quite fast. A few of the first years saw the seating arrangements and immediately started calling for Lu Ming, the division leader, to sit right at the center seat. Lu Ming gasped and affected modesty, going along with their joking and saying that the two seniors that preceded him would be coming so how could he sit in the center?

Yu An occasionally made an appearance at various student council activities. He was a very eloquent speaker and on top of that, he was always praised and flattered by the current division leader. Practically all the student council members knew him. But Xu Tangcheng didn't like getting together with the student council; at the very least, Yi Zhe had never seen him make an appearance.

When Lu Ming said that, naturally there were some people who were curious about who the other senior was. Lu Ming gave Xu Tangcheng a round of praise, then specifically brought up the point that was, to them, the most important one. "Putting the other stuff aside, the fame of University A's campus singing competition is entirely his hard work. When he was the division leader, it was definitely the most awesome competition among all the universities in Beijing. Oh, the amount of hits online at that time… So many universities used the event he organised as a model to emulate."

Lu Ming shook his head. "But a model is a model after all. You can look up to it, but you can't reach it. We can't do something like that now."

A junior asked, puzzled, "Why not?"

"You don't understand." Lu Ming shot him a look. He held up the chopsticks in his hand and rapped them against the table a couple of times. "Don't think that as long as you have dragged in enough sponsors and invited enough special guests, you can hold a great singing competition. You also need to know something about music to do something related to singing. How to determine the rules for each round, how to ensure fairness while maintaining a comfortable atmosphere, and you also need to create some sparks between the contestants and the audience. All these things require so much thought…"

Regarding these things, Yi Zhe had never experienced them and he had also never heard Xu Tangcheng mention them. When Xu Tangcheng was an outstanding person at university, he was still in that small city, muddling along in life.

When such a group of literature and arts division people gather together, they naturally would not let things quiet down when waiting for the rest. Having multiple conversations going on at the same time was the norm. Yi Zhe downed glass after glass of barley tea, listening to the chatter go from topic to topic, sometimes serious and sometimes joking. If it was something related to Xu Tangcheng, his hand would turn his glass while he looked at the reflected light fluctuating on the surface, his eyes lowered as he listened for a while.

Xu Tangcheng still hadn't arrived. Yi Zhe was just wondering why Lu Ming was not giving him a call when Yu An came in. He was pressed into the special "seat of honour" and smiled helplessly. Then, he said that Xu Tangcheng was still with his teacher and would only be able to come later, and had said that they should start eating first.

This piece of news made Yi Zhe feel rather deflated. But at the same time, some of his discomfort and uneasiness seemed to have been skimmed off through this fluke, and he relaxed a little for the time being.

They had already ordered the food before this. Very soon, a few dishes were served. Piping hot steam rose from the plates, giving one a vivid feeling of life.

Everyone said that this restaurant's food was pretty good. Even though it was Xinjiang cuisine, tweaks had been made and it was more special than the usual fare. But Yi Zhe could not tell whether or not it was good. His chopsticks didn't move much, his plate remained clean. By the time Xu Tangcheng pushed the door and entered, he had only taken two peanuts and a piece of potato.

It was Yi Zhe who first noticed Xu Tangcheng coming in but Lu Ming who first called out to him.

Without saying a word, Yi Zhe watched him enter and walk towards them. Every step he took seemed to be in perfect timing with the pounding of his heart.

The glow of the lights that had made him restless just now seemed to increase their magical powers, giving him the illusion of his thoughts being stripped away from his body.

"Senior, over here, over here."

There was still a seat next to Lu Ming. There was also a seat next to Yi Zhe. For the first time, Xu Tangcheng's mind short-circuited from this kind of problem.

Yi Zhe probably thought that his staring would not be noticed amidst everyone else's gazes. But in actual fact, from the moment Xu Tangcheng entered, he had already felt this overly unusual gaze on him. He didn't dare meet it, so throughout the entire time, he only responded to Lu Ming who kept calling out to him.

It was also this feeling of avoidance that made him—under the close scrutiny of that pair of eyes—choose the seat next to Lu Ming.

Yi Zhe sat diagonally opposite him. After he sat down, Xu Tangcheng looked up while answering the question from the person next to him, and met his eyes for the first time that night.

Out of his expectations, there was a sudden fierce ache in his heart.

It was also this one look that no one else noticed that made Xu Tangcheng realise very clearly that he had still, irrevocably, hurt him.

Yi Zhe sat there, staring blankly at him.

No sorrow, no disappointment, no grievance. He was just in a daze, like he couldn't comprehend at all what had happened just now.

He sat at the very edge. The empty seat next to him seemed to separate him from everyone else.