South Africa with my favorite South African

Post date: Aug 04, 2019 8:7:24 PM

A long time ago, in a land far far away (Moscow, ID, about 7 years ago) Wesley and I became friends. He had come from South Africa to live in the great pacific northwest, and I told him: someday I’m going to come visit South Africa. But only if, when I walk out of the customs part of the airport, you’re holding a speaker over your head playing “The Lion King” theme song.

When I quit my job at N26, and moved to a new company I had two weeks vacation I needed to use. So I head to the southern part of the continent of Africa to see this guy:

Who, as promised, was waiting for me at the customs portion of the airport, holding a speaker over his head, so that when I walked into South Africa, the Lion King theme song was playing.

It was majestic.

Wesley is in a long distance relationship, so he didn’t have any days off. So I spent the weekend in what is unquestionably the best city in South Africa, and the week exploring the rest of the country. The plus side of this technique, is that Wesley arranged the whole trip for me while I was in Cape Town. Including the first day, where we took the train to Simon’s Town.

This was the first class car. I could write a lot more about the racial disparity that was readily apparent in country where racism was institutionalized until 1994, but I was only a bystander. A tourist breezing through. It’s not my story to tell. But I will mention that it was blatantly apparent, even for a bystander breezing through.

The train barely runs, rarely on time, and takes a 20 minute drive and turns it into a 2 hour trip. But it was an incredible view of the water, because the train almost goes onto the beach.

This sign was right outside the station, which begged question: who brings a machete or axe onto the train?

But we took the train down to see these guys!

The only penguin colony in Africa is in Cape Town and these little guys dominate the beach.

We couldn’t decide which was better the penguins all over the beach, or the crowds of people staring at the penguins. Both were amusing to us.

On the way back we stopped at a Cape Town institution: the Brass Bell. It is out over the water. Above is the view from the bar. On stormy days, the waves crash over the restaurant.

And this? Highest concentration of great white sharks in the world. And this guy decided to be out on a surfboard. I wouldn’t put a toe in this water, and this person’s on a surfboard.

We all make our own terrible life choices sometimes. Mine usually don't involve getting eaten.

And we ended the day/weekend drinking at Victoria and Alfred waterfront. I was confused, because V and A usually stands for Victoria and Albert, her husband. But one of her 1 million children is named Alfred, and was apparently a hit when he visited South Africa on her behalf.

Wesley also told me that the sunset would be better from the other side of the bay, but we missed it. Otherwise it was a perfect first weekend in South Africa.

It seemed ridiculous to be in South Africa and not go on an African safari, so Monday morning I flew to Johannesburg (Joburg) and headed to Kruger.

I was unlucky in that on the drive from Joburg I had two HORRIBLE american college students in the van. BUT I was lucky in that their terribleness allowed me to bond with Matt and Sophie, the world’s cutest Oxford couple. I ended up hanging out with them the entire trip, and most of the photos are ones I stole from Matt’s phone (mine was behaving oddly).

The first night we went on a sunset safari. All three of us were geeking out by being out in the bush. Everything is cool.

The sunset looks better.

I mean, this is my life. The wildlife was awesome, but honestly, every moment was awesome.

I can’t believe this is my life.

Oh yeah, and the wildlife was amazing. This leopard was scent marking, so she was hard to photograph but breathtaking to see.

And the next day we spent the full day in Kruger. Including these two gorgeous brothers. The were feasting, their golden manes glowing in the africa sun. Then they wandered over to this water hole, looking like the kings of the jungle they are.

Afterwards we were staring at these vultures near the water hole with so much intent and wonder that we missed THE ENTIRE FUCKING HERD OF ELEPHANTS DESCENDING ON THE WATER.

Seriously, these were only a few of the mom’s and babies that were running towards us. We were all three BLOWN away.

I have to admit I really liked the ungulates. The springboks were cute, as they huddled in the shade.

These look so cool. I mean, awkward, gangly, and makes one scratch their head about evolutionary biology. But they are also magnificent.

And this leopard print was right in the middle of camp. Where I was really happy to have taken a hut instead of a tent. Because I wouldn’t have slept well knowing that things were wandering around outside. And I was already worried enough about the ants that found their way into my bag.

On the way back to Joburg we stopped at Blythe River Canyon, which is the third largest canyon in the world. We wanted to know what number 1 and 2 were, so tried to look it up but it turns out “largest” is meaningless when it comes to canyons. Longest, widest, deepest all have meaning. Largest doesn’t convey any of those. Meaningless, but stunningly beautiful.

I spent a day in Joburg, and it was terrible. Wesley told me it was a terrible place, but I chalked it up to rivalry between the two cities. Nope. Wesley was right. Next time: skip Joburg.

But the next day I had booked a one day tour of the Cape Peninsula! Which involved a boat ride out to sea lions on a rock! But the waves were out of control big, so we cruised around the harbor instead. Any morning on a boat is a good morning for me.

And apparently on this trip, I’m all about the charismatic megafauna.

Andy and I decided that this is the cutest photo of me from the trip. I obviously hate it, but loved the view. It was stunning.

We went back to see more penguins.

I love that they wear pink eyeshadow. I mean, if you’re going to put on a tux, you might as well go the whole nine yards.

There was only 10 minutes between the photo above and the one below. Storms roll in out of NO WHERE in the cape of storms.

Fun fact: the Cape of Good Hope used to be called the Cape of Storms. It was rebranded after the Portugese had trouble getting sailors to sail around the cape to get to India.

I sent Robin this photo and he asked why I went out there in the rain. I said it wasn’t raining.

To which he noted that the weather photobombed my picture. Rude.

Saturday morning Wesley rented a car and we drove to Stellenbosh. First we started at a delicious saturday market, which are plentiful around Cape Town.

It was raining, which bothered Wesley significantly more than it bothered me.

But we did try this lovely wine and chocolate pairing that blew my goddamn mind.

Right before we headed home for the day the clouds finally faded and the Stellenbosch mountain finally showed up. It was a glorious day filled with delicious wine and good chat.

And one awkward birthday party for a 2 year old at a winery. Neither Wesley nor I like children, so that was a tad annoying.

One of the perks of Wesley’s flat is that it’s right at the base of Table Mountain. So we went up.

I want to sound hardcore and say we hiked, but I’m weak and we didn’t. Wesley had to stand in a queue. Wesley doesn’t queue. It was a huge sacrifice and he’s a great friend.

South Africa has the most crazy plants, like things designed by Dr. Seuss. My botanical friends (Hannah, Diego, Sarah, Simon) would absolutely love it. Next trip together?

After Table Mountain we went and drank more wine. It was… damn it hit the spot.

This is False Bay (full of Great White Sharks!). I have come to the conclusion that Wesley is right. Joburg sucks, but Cape Town is absolutely stunningly amazing.

Second week on Monday morning I rented a car and did something awesome. I drove along the southern coast of Africa. Which just sounds so freaking cool.

The primates on the top of the grocery store are cute but vicious. And they aren’t interested in your friendship, but your food. Ungrateful bastards.

I genuinely don’t know why I became obsessed with seeing the lowest point in Africa. And the lighthouse above is at Cape Agulhas.

It’s where the Indian and the Atlantic oceans meet. Which was so much cooler than I even imagined. I don’t know why, being as I’m not particularly fond of overly specific superlatives (3rd largest canyon in the world?!), but it took my breath away to be at the bottom of a continent. I had never done that before.

I ended the first day in Mossel Bay, with a glass of wine and a brai. It’s the South African bbq, which is the most normal thing in the world. Every house that Wesley has ever lived in has an open bbq at all times, because apparently it’s totally normal.

What it was was a delightful end to my day.

The next day I hiked along the beach. It was my main activity all day. I could have spent two days, maybe three, just strolling along the water, up over dunes and through Dr. Seuss like flowers.

And I ended the day in Knysna, the oyster capital of South Africa. And BOY did I love the Oysters.

I splurged and spent the night at a boutique hotel that used to be the old turbine at the mouth of the Knysna River. It was a luxury I’m glad I took (by luxury I mean it cost me 50 euros, because things aren’t that expensive in South Africa).

This tree is over 600 years old, which is pretty awesome.

Again: it’s hard to describe South Africa. Such extreme beauty with such extreme poverty, is hard to put into words.

After my epic road trip I returned for a final day in Cape Town. I couldn’t help noticing that Table Mountain was wearing a hat. A hat made of clouds, but a hat nonetheless. Which was adorable that it got dressed up to say goodbye to me.

With my last morning I went to the aquarium, which had a whole tank full of Nemos. They didn’t even label it “Clownfish” but instead labeled it “Nemos”.

One final stroll along the waterfront and I headed to the airport.

I don’t ascribe to the phrase “trip of a lifetime” because I’ve traveled a lot. I’m only 34 years old and I have been all over the world. I doubt that’s going to stop any time soon, so no trip is a once off.

I’ll be back someday South Africa. I look forward to seeing you then.