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2/1: reflection(s) ... the start of a new year, already the second day, what is there to say, no fear, there will be another day, and another year, and even with the pressure of time, relax, life goes on, just move slow, and go with the flow, take action when there is a goal, and enjoy the reward(s), clear the mind, and have fun, even if you don't know the value of it, it doesn't matter, just throw the word(s), bit by bit, day by day, and whatever you say, I try not to judge, but go along, follow the crowd, and, indeed, please, I do it my way, with discipline and a clear mind, if I may, and, in my opinion, there is no law, other than the rule(s) of the game ... what game you ask, well simply, the game of life, the one we like to play, a game of chance, which requires some discipline, to sing my song, and please, no, it is not a joke, I throw some word(s), and go out for a smoke ...
4/1:... after reading on writing, I am a bit in doubt whether to write and what, why should I make the effort(s), well... ask the dust ... it may give an answer to this question, and solve the problem(s), but it may also lead to error(s), in an attempt to create self-esteem, find the math of breath, in solitude, by making noise, on paper with a pencil, or using a tool, a tablet, which allows for hand writing with annotation(s), that give access to the underlying layer(s) of thought, indeed, an intellectual game, to get lost in a sea of word(s), that reflect the modern world, in a poetic way, just follow the link(s) and, indeed, get lost, to find the idea(s) that have value and may guide your life, by a phrase or two ... step by step, just look for the right signal/perspective and go with the flow, until you're on the edge, then let it go and try to bring order in your life, observe, reflect, connect the dots, and find closure, ... your self story ...
7/i: ... late in the evening, the start of a new year, at home with the children, who again go to school, they have to be in time .. and prepare for exam(s) ... for parent(s) stress, which on top of a busy life may lead to a crisis and the desire to take distance, and find refuge in solitude and intellectual activities ... clear, but, however you look at it, the children need our support, and even though they challenge your attitude, one must see the humor of their rebel behavior, it is part of their stage in life ... so, the question is how to cope with the dilemma(s) of domestic life, the pressure of time, the work one has to do, and the fear of problem(s) of health and security, for example due to the traffic, with weather code orange, now, in my opinion, the answer is not to run away, but to stay calm, with a clear mind, and to do the task(s) at hand ... well, judge for yourself, adapt to the force(s) and go with the flow ...
10/1: ... life goes on, another day, what to say ... a bit in doubt whether to write or not ... what is the use of such creative act(s), to keep my self busy, find meaning or value, or do I want to reflect on my life ... get access to the stream of thought(s) in my mind, relieve the brain, and not to forget the body, of the pain, and just write to take distance, clear my mind, and adapt to the pressure of time, the tension of domestic conflict(s), the dilemma(s) in communication with the children, and accepting solitude, find rest in silence, and, of course, maintain my discipline, exercise balance, and occasionally, in case of conflict(s) use my voice, to express my opinion, and find the energy to make some noise, just for the fun of it, and claim my space, still happy that I do not have to work or go to school, free from those stupid trap(s), but still with the need to adapt, take position, and go with the flow, even if I have to walk slow, I am ready to fight for my right !
12/1: ... again, in doubt whether to write or not, but why not give it a shot, as a reflection on life, I feel the pressure of time, and in the last few days, the fear of going out, due to the ice, I might fall down, which is a risk, since I am getting old, it even takes more effort to deal with the cold, but the snow is gone, so it is safe again, but, of course, there is stress, even though the domestic problem(s) seem less, the children work for their exam(s), happy sound(s), and of course, the noise, school is a trap, but also fun, to be with their friends, learn, come home and study, just wait and listen, and even when I am in doubt, what to eat, what to read, and where to go, I try to adapt and go with the flow, if possible without pain, share life with my wife, who should not complain, their is nothing to gain, just select from the option(s), make a choice, and use your voice, life goes on, day by day, find your way, scratch some word(s) ... whatever you say, I am here to stay ...
14/1: ... again I eat too much, again and again, it never stops, I failed to play the hunger artist, and, again in doubt whether to write, I throw some word(s), to maintain the habit, gain or no gain, use pencil and hand(s), and not to forget my tool ... work on my self image, no I am not a fool, even though it takes effort(s) to keep a clear mind, and go out for a walk, to free the space for my children, and take some time to read, about the dance of anger, which might help to repair the domestic relation(s) a bit, anyway it indicates how to think about the current affair(s), with stress on the notion of self, the value of self-esteem, and the importance of clear goal(s) and discipline ... to govern our act(s), connect to others, and take action(s), which, of course includes exercise, find balance with my own two hand(s) and fight the force(s) of life, in a social context, and with some support, go with the flow ... for the fun of it ...
16/1: reflection(s) .. tonight I had the option to go to a party, I decided not to go, but now I am in doubt whether I made the right choice, I did' stay at home, to read and do my exercise, and read again, about writing, to clear my mind, and explain why, partly because of the pain, stiff legs, and, you might say, a stiff mind, not willing to leave my comfort zone, go out for a walk, and talk with people I do not know, no it is not fear, it is, as I said, a choice, to stay in my corner, and avoid the crowd, but I did look at my phone for a signal that would tell me to go, break my solitude, and force me to connect, but, indeed, there was no signal and, now I am at home, in doubt whether I made the right choice, hard to say, but that is the way it did go, and that's it for today !
18/1: ... stress is a remedy against the pressure of time, to regain control, forget oneself, and focus on issue(s) that matter, accept limit(s), and search for the power line(s), take action(s) ... like self-hypnosis ... in search of item(s) of value, set goal(s) and go for it, to gain the reward(s), and learn how to deal with error(s) ... change pattern(s), focus attention, with a clear mind, and walk the talk, in conflict(s), and the discipline of daily life ... but then relax, ask yourself who am I, and why do I write ... well, simply to relieve the stress, and get rid of the illusion(s) of a busy life, moral obligations) and, indeed, the pressure of time ... just face reality, observe and find frame(s) of reference that meet the situation, reflect on the past, and look into the future, make plan(s), and go along with what is present, move slow, and watch the shadow(s), try to solve conflict(s), listen to advice and find your way, indeed, go with the flow, that is what I have to say, again, today !
21/1:... what I write about when I write ... it it hard to say, and after reading about writing, I even do not know whether I want to write, so, again in doubt, I do write, by hand, on my tablet, to convert it with my tool into a multi-surface layer, as an expression of my thought(s), no formal story or description of any sort, I just throw the word(s) as they come, no system, no math, only the flow of my hand(s), which is, as you will understand, an expression of my brain, to clear my mind, and to be able not to complain, and deal with the pain, go out for a walk, and if I need to talk, the word(s) are there, to serve my goal(s), to let you understand, my position, where I stand, and use my voice to speak, give my opinion and if possible some inspiration(s), and whether you like it or not, just click on the dots, and then you know, how I try to deal with ..., indeed, the flow ... the flow of my life ... and the issue(s) with my ...
24/1: reflection(s) .. day by day, what can I say, a life of solitude, playing the pain game, a bit of fear to go outdoor, to walk takes an effort, to find the correct posture, stay in balance and face the crowd, with in my mind the memory of travel(s), and I ask my self why ,.. what is the fun in being old and feel the cold, walk with pain, what is the gain ... but, indeed, that should be clear ... I like my corner, our domestic cave, read a book, do some exercise, eat, and work on my computer, to include the facebook memory of today in my cycle(s), so what can I say ... well, today, I read about mental illness, a writing guide, and then reflect on my life, confront my fear to move, and do my balance exercise, not perfect ... but, indeed, in case of failure try again, and challenge your attitude, get out of the cage, look at your fear, take a breath and face reality ... and write, just for the fun of it, draw an image, throw some word(s) ... life goes on, so go, indeed, go with the flow ...
26/1: ... I read too much, and the question is do I write too much ... should I read and write less and focus my attention on other things, like go outdoor, to walk or watch a movie, or should I write about more specific topic(s), collect from memory, or even set myself the goal of writing my autobiography, instead of sticking to my habit to throw some word(s) at the end of the day, as I am doing now, twinkle, scratch ... well, remember, I made two error(s) in the past weeks, not going to a party, and I did not record a link of an online dance performance, and even though I did my exercise(s), no, it was not perfect, but this is what I have to accept, life is not perfect, and for this I use my phrase ... in case of failure -- try again, and that is what I do, and, even though I did not feel like it, I registered my daughter at eight schools for a possible change at the end of the year, stupid trap(s), but I try to conform to the order of our modern life, the utopia of rule(s), and make effort(s) to have a clear mind, and the discipline to exercise, support my children, and find balance in a life of solitude ...
28/1: reflection(s)... a long day reading, again in doubt whether I should write ... or finish american scream ... well, why not scratch a bit my self, to find my identity, and connect with my dream(s), in search of balance, which was not so good today ... what can I say, but the usual things, in case of failure -- try again ... a matter of discipline, mind over matter, and, of course, to maintain focus ... don't eat before exercise, but with a body in pain, I do not complain ... I don't have to be perfect, just accept my limit(s), and do my exercise(s), take a breath, and adjust my posture, to be able, indeed, to deal with domestic tension(s), the pressure of time, my need for self-esteem, and, whether they conform with reality or not, make effort(s) ... to achieve my goal(s), not for reward(s), but for a bit of fun ... to play the game, and follow my guide(s) to fight the force(s) of life ...
30/1:.... a bit low on energy, I listen to the sound of the hair dryer of my daughter, and hear voice(s) on the street, people walk by and talk, music in the cave, I wait in my corner for inspiration, and reflect on the daily affair(s), life with the children, training, hand stand exercise(s), all part of my daily discipline, a system of habit(s) to which I conform, as a way to adapt to my current condition, my stage of life, and if it sounds like a poem ... well perhaps that is the best way to look at it ... even though in general I do not like poetry, despite the flash of insight, that can only be expressed in a poetic fashion ... by throwing word(s) in the sky ... as music in space ... that target the shadow(s) in my mind, to activate the body, and create image(s) to follow, a guide to fight, and manage the confrontation(s) with the force(s) of life, the conflict(s), the effort(s), the discipline, all that is needed to keep a clear mind, be kind to wife and children, and, even though slow, go with the flow, find my form and a time frame for action(s), to, what shall I say, well, simply to find my way ...
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