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28/10: reflection(s) :: I am just back from training, in doubt whether to write or not ... but to complete my day, looking at the sky on the balcony with a smoke, why not ... life is not a joke, and to relieve a busy mind, giving expression to the flow of thought is a convenient and pleasant way to bring order and adapt to the inevitable strain ... the stress of life, and focus on what is important, including the issue(s) on my agenda, domestic task(s), meeting the demand(s) of the children, and my self-imposed moral obligation(s), that cover exercise as well as intellectual development(s), for which I have to make a choice of what to read, as a way to direct my life, bridge the gap and connect with the people around me, enjoy life, and find the time to look at the sky ... gift: ... what is there to say, life is not a joke, so I just give it a try ... word(s) ...
31/10: ... life goes on, at the end of the day, in doubt whether to write or not, after looking at the sky, and taking an image of the moon, I decide to give it a try, to find some rest after a busy day, reading and a walk to the city center to have a lunch with my wife, after which I continued my reading about the interpretation of dream(s) and their role in our life, my thought circle(s) around how I stand in my life, and how I distribute my time over a variety of task(s) and moral obligation(s), for which I try to find the word(s) as a means to remain in control, and to counter-act my fear of error(s), and, in a way, also my worry about money, but looking at the the girls going out to party, I can only admire their energy and power, and let's face reality, indeed I have to accept my limit(s) and find a proper role in their life, give support, and enjoy the theatre of life, which after all is also my life !
5/11:... day after day, reading, the interpretation of dreams, a simple idea, presented in cloud(s) of word(s), but more to the point(s), an overview of our psychic life, how; word(s) might be transformed into action(s), and a view on our soul(s), hiding inspiration(s), in search of hedonic satisfaction(s), and the avoidance of pain, giving insight in what make us move ... but also in what we need in life, from a critical perspective, how to protect our children, and find value in our experience(s), by analysis and association(s), to find the line(s) that connect our thought(s), as if life is a poem, that must be read, to give it a voice, to free our mind, and adapt to the limit(s), of body and mind, in accordance with our current stage, our level of growth and the challenge(s) as present in our situation(s), from past to future !
8/11: ... now, when I write, should I be original, or just go with the flow, and write what comes to mind, as in a game of chance, to play with the word(s), as an expression of my current mood, and an exercise in the politic(s) of thought, and the image(s) that have an impact on my vision(s) of reality, for example when I write, today I eat chicken, then, due to my tool, you will find the hidden layer of meaning(s) if you follow the link(s), which give access to the system of idea(s), that I created and later refined, with the of digital immortality as a target in my mind, just go ask cycle, as indicated by the phrase I used in many slide(s) and page(s) on my site, which provide both my intellectual background, my history, and to some extent the event(s) in my life, by way of image(), drawing(s) and writing(s) composed in the course of time, to bring order in my life and as a way to talk the walk, or in other word(s), as work that provides me with goal(s), and get the reward(s) of attention and respect !
10/11:... what is there to say about intelligence, what about writing what about life, life goes on, and writing is a way to support my memory, gaining focus and find relief from the stress of life, the pressure of time and the demands of an agenda, as for ecample imposed by children, their social life and school issue(s), but apart from that a busy life, including the wish to write about it, is self-imposed, motivated by the need for action and self-expression, including post(s) on social media, with the hope and expectation for one or more like(s), to gain self-esteem, and as a way to find the motivation for the effort(s) to take part in life, keep up my condition by exercise, and work on my skill(s), as, indeed, a kind of therapy, for both body and mind, despite the pain, and deal with error(s), I repeat the phrase(s), go with the flow, and, of course, in case of failure try again it is a way to learn, don't stop, just go with the flow !
12/11: ... day by day, my blood is OK, but the energy level a bit low, so I have to walk slow, fortunately not in the rain, but despite all my exercise, still with some pain, and it is hard not to complain, and not to refrain from going outdoor and walk, but when there are obligation(s), I have no choice, but to go all the way, take public transport, look at the face(s), and hear the noise, being a part of a big machine, following the crowd, and observe the busy life of the common people ... who am I that I think I can take distance from that, still in the middle of life, with wife and children, who play and study, and not to forget they eat ... in other word(s), family life, a busy agenda, and the need for support, for money, and attention, despite my desire for solitude, and the wish to retreat in silence, and live in my bubble, but without this context, I would not have a sense of self, indeed, I am not a monk, so I just find the time for a break to write a bit, and move on, take life as a dream, fly and sing my song !
14/11: ... what is the science behind fighting, in the literature it is called the sweet science, which might be a joke, but from what background is hard to tell, ... another question is what is the science behind writing, there is no clear answer, and somehow it is best expressed with a play of word(s), to adapt to the flow of mind in a trail of thoughts that connect by arbitrary link(s) and express, one way or another, the force(s) that impact our vision(s), and attitude(s), which we look at as challenge(s) that confront us and require an answer in the form of action(s), either in reality or in our imagination, using the mind(s) eye to act, and change our experience(s), either as an experiment or from an unknown source, our soul, the origin of how we look at life and manage our sense of self, indeed with a game of word(s), write and fight, to go with the flow and enjoy the theatre of life, in the daily obligation(s) and challenge(s) of domestic and social life in a modern context, just go for it !
16/11:... one of my daily tasks seems to be to write a bit, just for the fun of it, or more likely, to improve my skill(s), be productive and reflect on the issue(s) in my life, take some distance, and create self-esteem with a game of word(s), as a way to face reality, an exercise to practice my habit(s), to talk my way out of it, as the intellectual outsider, I observe and look for a posture, take a few breath(s) and give my comments), to assess my role(s), and take position in what goes on, either a conversation, a debate or in conflict(s), to act as a guide on the side, and wait for the result(s), in hope of the reward(s) for my presence and contribution(s), as a moral force, with an impact on whatever problem( s) and dilemma(s) at hand, that is to act as a mediator for example in domestic affair(s), issue(s) with the children, to find balance and rest, in a system of politic(s) ...
18/11: ... again another day, what is there to say, I just want to play, and I give it a try, but ask my self, why, do I really like the game, or do I act out of shame, to avoid the blame, and light the flame, as if I have to fight, with my feet on the ground, I listen to the sound, and try to find the way, to focus my eye, and get the vision(s) I need, I trust the effort, accept the cold, and move in space, however old still bold, the courage to face reality and, manage the world, fight the force(s), that block my way, and stop my play, but to walk the talk, and follow the rumor, I must keep a sense of humor, and allow the force to be my guide, my support on the side, to indicate how to go, follow the road, and adapt to the flow, indeed, the flow of life !
24/11: reflection(s) ... looking at the sky again I ask my self why, but even if I am in doubt it is a useless question, since there is no answer, it is an arbitrary decision, whether to write or not, like in a game of chance ... inspiration(s) or ambition(s), it does not matter, writing is simply a tool to create a sense of self, to feel part of a world, to connect, and feel the significance of what is present, in my experience, the chaos and diversity of common life, as a way to clear the mind of confusion(s), and be happy wth my way of life, when I wait for the children, listen to my wife, feeling the force of life, and bring up the discipline to have patience and give support ... even when I look at their involvement with institution(s) and school(s) with a critical eye, they have their goal(s), and must conform, I follow, accept my limit(s), look for value, and watch the sky ... now you know why ...
26/11: ... life goes on, the children grow up, and even though, as parent(s), there is always a source for worry, most of it is just a projection of uncertainty and fear, based on the wish that everything is perfect, which in itself is a symptom of anxiety, and the need to conform to the demand(s) of order imposed by the institution(s) that rule our life, and the complexity of our modern context, that is the multitude of event(s), the pressure of time, and the need to select alternative(s) and the proper option(s) to cope with the dilemma(s) that are inevitable, and, from the perspective that life is a game of chance, we do not know whether our choice is right or wrong. so it is of high importance to keep life simple, and keep control of our action(s), set goal(s), and accept the outcome(s), assess 'their value(s), and continue life, fun and stress, which are both reward(s) for our effort(s), like it or not !
30/11: inspiration(s) ... the year is nearing it's end, one more month to go, winter time, it is getting cold, and, indeed, I feel old, at some point even in doubt how long I will be able to continue, to support the family, deal with the issue(s) of the children, their school, etc .. fortunately my medical condition is rather well, no further consult(s) in the near future, so in that sense I am free, and just need the discipline and courage to follow my idea(s), set goal(s), and have the discipline to wave my hand(s) and sing my song(s) ... the memory of the crash, and my fear for the test(s) moving to the background of my memory, and after the stress of the last period, in which I often felt the pressure of time, there is now the opportunity to set new goal(s) or target(s) for my life, with a focus on minimalism, and of course balance, posture and breath, to accept my limit(s), and go with the flow of life, cope with dilemma(s), and work a bit, draw, write and fight, in order to get attention and respect !
1/12:... I observe that the way I write is under the influence of my annotation tool, I select the word(s) for the layer of meaning that lies below the surface, which comes in the range of vision ... if you click on them, and follow the link(s), even if the word(s) give a clear expression of what goes on in my mind, their meaning can only be understood by following the link(s), and, indeed, get lost ... take distance and find the way to yourself ... and, like in exercise, in search of balance, in case of failure, no problem, please -- try again but do not practice with a full stomach, look, either eat, or exercise, adapt to the context, make a choice, and accept your limit(s), that is face reality, draw a circle, to indicate the limit(s) according to your stage in life, and reflect on your goal(s), and your hope for reward(s), in other word(s) draw a line to frame your action(s), but feel free to go with the flow, and feel the energy ...
3/12: reflection(s). .. again in doubt whether to write or not, I look at the moon, and think, feel my hand(s), the cold, and as often in this last period, a memory flash, back to when the children were small, our travel(s),the long walk(s), when we had the energy to take action(s), set our goal(s) and just do it, which now requires discipline and explicit focus, with even a fear of error(s), which are in some sense inevitable, and may even give the impression of a crisis, like the threat of a virus on my computer today, the crash on my way to the hospital, the loss of key(s) or a bank card, or even just the failure to react to an alarm, and of course, for my self I must mention the limit(s) on my range of mobility, the effortls) it takes to give attention to issue(s) with money, the stress of domestic task(s), to find the time to do exercise(s), and here I have only one comment, go slow and adapt to the flow, the flow of life ...
5/12: soul guide ... a life of solitude, with the need to face reality, and as a matter of fact, there is no other way, just stay in focus, put on a mask, and do the task(s), with both hand(s), left and right, to find the balance, upside-down, take a breath, correct the posture, slow, to adapt to the flow, as a ritual, in the center of a magic circle, to play with gravity, and adapt to the force(s), as an experiment, to find the fun in a game of chance, and, of course, in case of failure, try again to find the way to play ... in search of the pattern(s) of existence, because, indeed, life is not a joke, judge and decide, and go out, for a walk, to take a smoke, look at the sky and ask yourself why, who am I ... listen to the noise, and use your voice, to speak clear, and give your opinion(s), as a reflection on whatever is at hand, mind over matter, and if you don mind it doesn't matter, ... and whatever you say, I follow the crowd, my way, just for the fun of it !
8/12: ... sitting in my corner, reading book(s), but with the discipline to do exercise, go out, and do exercise again, after which I continue to read, from psycho-analysis to american psycho, and about the hidden genius of successful people, how do they do it ... well it depends on what kind of career they want to pursue, but it is all about self-realization, and dealing with the inner self, the void ... which may lead to insight(s), although the intellectual approach that I follow may not be the correct way to fame and fortune, but at least it gives me the chance to reflect on my life in our busy modern society, and think in a more poetic way about choice(s) to make, select option(s), and reflect on our complex system(s), school(s), and, politic(s) ... well, just wave your hand(s} adapt to the pressure of time, and, that is what I do, read, write a bit and exercise balance, with my own two hand(s), day by day, it is my life-cycle !
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