9/12: It is time, now, to continue life, recovering from the sight of my dead sister, her face tight and sleek by the make-up applied by her daughter, with a smile, as if it was a joke, to be performed on her mother, to make her look better than in real life. And I played my game of the cute. uncle, the former younger brother, spoiled by both mother and sister, smartly avoiding the obstacles in life, but of course, also growing older, in need of help and support, from family, and the people around him. Now that my cycle(s) are almost done, it is time for the next step, to continue my project, juxtaposing images and drawings, as a means to express my vision on life, the dialectic of impressions and ideas, the thoughts about the structure of life,the interplay of chaos and order, and how to express such complexity by hand, the scribbles that compose a drawing, finding relations by following the imaginary directions in the image.
13/12: So, what is this about solitude, to be followed by love and math? Being on your own sitting in the corner, reading a book, and romanticizing your life, by making plans for a date with yourself, the art of being alone. What a waste of time! Just do the things you have to do, and observe reality around you.,scribble a bit, draw a bit, and listen to the noise, which is everywhere, and occasionally has meaning, like a family member arriving home, or the ring of a bell,, that you have been waiting for, because it accompanies the delivery of a package. Daily life, boring, supported by acts on the basis of duty. The alternative however, eternal rest, is not appealing, because there is no amusement in it, no tension, no energy and no action. In other words, it is empty, and, for me personally, confronting the void is only interesting when looking out for life, the spontaneous eruption of emotions, and the satisfaction of desires, whether in the form of a memory, an image, a drawing or a human being, or, differently put a challenge, which even could be exercise, or the use of my voice, for strategy, talk or song. But, I might also use a pencil. No comment!
16/12: What can I say, well,..., uhm I am here to stay, even when cold, and feeling old, or must I say getting old, knocking on heavens door, while sitting in my corner and reading a book about love and math, a luxury as that, from my phone, at a level I can hardly grasp, but I try to get a sense of the essence, and read the story of a life devoted to math, as simple as that, in which I can recognize some elements of my past, It is in other words, again a memory tour, even though I try to keep an eye on reality, and even take a walk, as a challenge, to prove to my self that I am still vital, and strong, and that despite the pain, I actually gain by imposing on my self the discipline, to do exercise and walk, with the reward of being satisfied with myself, and creating the opportunity to gain esteem, not so much due to the fact that I walk but that I can talk!
19/12: It is almost the end of the year. Where do I go from here, suffering from the cold and getting old... More seriously, however, the question is how to keep my physical condition at an appropriate level, allowing the to function in an appropriate way, and meet the competitive encounters with my family and friends, join the gatherings of people to which I in one sense or another belong, support my children when there is a need for it, and provide my self with the motivation to be creative, active, and even, when needed, to be productive in an efficient way. It is not only a matter of maternal conditions, but rather a matter of mind set, and, as I said, motivation to sustain the level of energy needed for a meaningful life.