1/1: milaan, milu, mila, milo, a thousand miles from here, ski, on my list of things not to do but it looked feasible, city -- walk slow, speed -- move / practice, life -- no fun
3/1: ... the day after the mountain, the best view I have ever seen, better them Tibet, but I think an image cannot represent it.. I took many pictures, they look impressive, and, yes, it was worth the challenge, but the mood was melancholic,.. yet I enjoyed the energy of my wife and children, eventhough I had to dig deep to find my own energy, Enough for now, exercise, waiting for breakfast. and yes, I write to take distance, in particular from my self, and yet to stay connected to the theatre of life, in particular family and children! What is there left to say? And after some doubt, well, you know, when in doubt -- twijfel -- I managed to do my third round of balance exercises, indeed, 3, for the last time in this apartment, but, life goes on, and I will keep with my strategy - follow the crowd!
12/1: memory -- shadow image: writing, drawing, taking care of domestic duties, buying food, watching the children, life goes on, a never ending story, although at the horizon lies death, as testified by my sister, who passed away a few weeks ago, and looking at the photograph my oldest daughter send me, it was her time. For myself, I think there is a good chance to continue life in a good way, even though I feel the cold be cause I am getting old, and the pain when I walk in the rain, but am still there ready to fight, when I might, and, being precise, keep the discipline of doing exercise, and, indeed, even after a challenging walk, I am ready to talk, about the issues of life, love, children, family, you name it, and I'll be there, pretending to be present, and indeed, serious of mind, to assure, that you, or whoever, is kind, to me, that is.
15/1: Another day, what can I say; is it time to write, or draw or scribble, or am I too anxious to be productive, not to lose time, eager to get the attention of other people, by an occasional like, and afraid to loose my skill, or strength, and the reward of productivity, basically a sense of value I think. Part of the day wearing slippers against cold feet, and now for the last few hours barefect, to strengthen my self and create resistance, not by pills, her simply by being able to bear the discomfort of cold feet, in the hope of, moved, creating resistance, making them stronger. Will it be possible to run again in the not too far future? I hope so, and perhaps I should make the effort, go out, and run, or as I said before, recover (my) universe now. Well, perhaps, if the weather allows, but in the meantime I just keep walking!
19/1: Life goes on, family life, in particular.. Three busy woman, or should I say girls, with a schedule of school and work, who have to study, and complete tasks, set goals, and keep track of their activities. In comparison my life is empty lacking structure, that is, a structure imposed by the external environment. Instead, I have to create structure by adopting a discipline in accordance with self-imposed goals, which are, in my case, to some extent related to expected, or hoped for, recognition by the external world, which, indeed, is a sign molicating a competitive mind. Ironically, my last drawing, posted on facebook, the fight scene taken at the parents meeting got four likes, even though I considered it of less quality than the ones previously posted on facebook, but no like so far on instagram. Apparently,there is a different crowd on these social media, which comes to expression in a difference in taste, read likes, in the appreciation of artistic items. On the background, of appreciation, there are of course also political issues, that is likes given with the intention to attract attention to the act of attention itself. Not so much a power game, or even a status game, but still playing with moments of attention as a means to gain esteem and to enhance self-esteem. Nevertheless, for whatever reason lies behind them, these likes make me happy, that is happy being recognized explicitly as a person able to be productive in a creative medium, drawing in this case, with a strong personal style, a style which is improving over time,-even though this introduces an element of artifciality, that is self-conscious effects!
25/1: Again in my corner, at home, writing. What I need is energy, indeed energy energy, energy, or perhaps it is recognition, or a goal in life, or maybe just some entertainment or fun, to pass the time in a more leisury, related and pleasant way. Or even I should perhaps consider to change my life, to run away, travel, anything that even in the slightest sense might provide the feeling, being it an illusion or not, of meaning, affirming my personal existence in a positive way, one way or another. I decided, however, not to go to the USC training, which comprises both an introduction to attract new kenshi and a black belt training, to practice advanced techniques. Since I don't feel the recognition and since I am also a bit lazy and did not want to invest the effort, I just let it go. But, after seeing all the likes, I now have the feeling that my inspire. notes are taken seriously, which does provide the motivation to go kempo, at least for the coming time!
28/1: on a totally empty page, I could write anything, giving vent to my sorrow and despair, to counteract the emptyness of the void, in an attempt to live a meaningful life, even if it takes an effort of both body and mind to enjoy life as a game of chance, and be productive, that is draw or write, either on paper or a digital tool, using my hand to exercise grip and grasp of the subjects that interest me, and give me fun.... to play with ...
1/2: skin therapy ... life is an adventure, that is for certain, but it is impossible to know where it leads, and it requires not only discipline, formed by habits of practice, but also insight and strategy, to force it in the direction, that is most desirable, in other words to set goals, that indicate the power line to follow, as well as the motions that allow for merging with the crowd, without losing my sense of self, which would result in dissolving with the world, complex as it is, and disappear in the memory of time and space, or get lost in the words used to write this down, or the images drawn as a record of time. In my opinion-it requires deep vision, to keep an eye on the rationality of life, and act according to the key principle, or communication, needed to lead a busy life ... cycle!