Obsessions that created my Transgression
What creates an obsession that helps create who we are?
"We are the sum of our averaged experiences" - Daniel Kahnman
Obsessions to me are very interesting. One never starts off thinking/wishing to be obsessed with a given activity, they just find themselves in that state upon reflection or when forced away from it. I question my obsession when I find myself within them. Is my ability to 'HyperFocus" distorting my perception of an average human existence? When finding myself deeply engrossed within an obsession, the efficiency to which I am able to comprehend the mechanics of the obsession increase so drastically it impresses even me. In this mindset, am I capable in ways others are not, or am I at a disability since I compare poorly to those whose accomplishments I idolize? Or did those people take their obsessions to a level I cannot even fathom? Eitherway I enjoy the challenge of that question to drive me.
I do realize one can accomplish whatever they set their mind upon, however that saying is missing a key component to make that plausible.. Interest. A genuine interest deeply rooted within the obsession creates an environment one would find optimal for learning/enjoying. Which is why algebra is still beyond my confident grasp of comprehension.. Lack of interest.
Once I realized the two key components to obsession (mindset+interest) i'm forced to question what is "interest". Why can't I flip a proverbial switch within my head and become obsessed/interested about a topic of my choosing and thus understand it to the depth of my other obsessions? (Say Physics, Quantum Mechanics, Drawing, Mathematics etc )
There are the obvious triggers that create interest. Listed are them in order of hirearcy.
Challenge: Being the forerunner of them all. Call it the Alpha-male facade, Napoleon complex etc, the onset of feeling less then another is a trigger on it's own to create a powerful genuine interest. I believe this to be one of the more powerful "States of Mind" a human can find themselves in, as it forces a reflection of your own inept abilities against another. Perhaps for the first time in life, one is looking at themselves in a 3rd person perspective because of this. What people don't end up realizing is they create an obsession to defeat that inept feeling within themselves because of a challenge another person has triggered.
Personal Goals: To me, personal goals are only realized upon reflection. Very rarely do I experience an event and within that moment I realize that is what I want to change/become/avoid/obsess. It's always upon reflection of how the event looked to me when I'm in the comfort of my own mind (Did I like it? Why am I thinking about it now?). Which also requires me to trust my memory of the situation and not distort it to protect my own ego. Since I like to confirm what I remember on occasion to keep my sense of self worth, I've learned to trust my recollection of events as they seem to pan out correctly. Which brings an almost omnipotent power within my head to have complete confidence in my mind and my ability to recall events. However there is always that one scene of the event that sticks out in my mind which would cause me to create a "self check" for later digestion. (ex. hearing a person say "uhh" alot while public speaking). Personal goals are strongly linked to challenge IMO, because again u are forced to look at yourself in comparison to others within your societal norm to set that goal. Without observations one would be unable to create a personal benchmark of behavior, so it's a catch 22.. If there was nobody but you, would you have personal goals?
Why? In philosophy, asking why is perhaps one of the most powerful questions you could ask yourself. Asking one's self why, brings up the question of how, what, when, where etc.... An almost endless barrage of questions are created by one simple word asked to yourself. Depending on your discipline to answer yourself with the truth only you will believe by uncovering it yourself, why is powerful enough to create an obsession on it's own. 'Why' is a standalone from "challenge" most times as one asks why due to observation of an event that might or might not directly relate to them, however the topic of the 'why' is of Genuine Interest to that person. Hence the obsession.
Environment: Social Determinism is the argument I believe. One shouldn't underestimate the relevance of their childhood and social interactions for an introspective to their obsessions. As I attribute an early obsession with the Atari 2600 and then later on with the NES to my career into the IT industry. As I found computers to be the next logical step from closed off console systems. Obsessions created by environment are often forced or introduced by others, simply due to the youth of the end user. Environmental obsessions have the capacity to last the lifetime of the person. Unlike a 'why' obsession which might have a conclusion, an environmental obsession may lead to a life style change for the lifetime of the person.
Genuine Interest: A hobby for instance is a great example of a genuine interest. A hobby of bike riding might create an obsession to workout so one can enjoy their hobby more. I lay to claim that hobbies people discover on their own (through observation and not others exposing them directly) are the hobbies people obsess the deepest about. (Insert: Discovering music on your own analogy). As one ages, they certainly find themselves and new interests based off pattern recognition and experimentation. I find humanity likes a feeling of individuality within their direct social norm, and fears being seen as a "Bandwagon" within that norm. However I observe that desire to be 'the first' is only to satisfy ones need to be a leader, and thus hopefully a teacher of that obsession/ (To placate the desire to feel popular or needed?) Genuine Interest is influenced heavily by Environment, so it ranks below it in relevance.
And of course there is "Attention". The single mechanic that drives your consciousness and ability to obsess to a focal point which allows you to reduce the importance of other perceptions to allow you to concentrate on the task at hand. Attention brings together all other cognitive processes into one coherent process to articulate the formation of obsession. Both length of time and focal power are dictated by your ability of attention, which with conscious effort can be tweaked/honed/strengthened or even negated if one wishes so (Vegging out).
However karma dictates for every obsession there is a counter suppression due to time and effort involved. Which saddens me in a level only I will understand, as I might be robbing myself of a obsession in which I'd find more rewarding. However... I don't subscribe to regret.
© Kiehl 2006