Appreciated Abuse
When do we know when we’re appreciated when we’re merely tolerated in life? For most it’s a comparison against their past experiences, the ability to detect subtle clues that help aid us in the direction of our future. When most detect the abuse of family, friends, lovers an isometric personality gets developed to help us cope with the perceived change in attitude. A typical defense to abuse. As the most offensive thing to a mature personality is being used for that inner developed personality without paying respect to the time and effort needed to create that personality. To simply keep taking and expect that generosity to be maintained despite lack of reciprocated effort.
That is exactly what keeps happening to me and for the life of myself I cannot figure out why. At first I thought it’s a misperception, that this is the true nature of friendship, to look blindly away from the hand that is out and support them no matter what, as long as you can still support yourself. That's what friends do. Years I’ve lived that way. Helping others out as they needed it, as tho their appreciation is all that I need. There’s a problem with me in respect to that idealism. Pattern Recognition. I don’t have many feats or abilities that set me above the average in life, but one trait that I do seem to have developed over time (prolly due to the middle child nature in me keeping track of all that I’ve been wronged in life of) is the in ornate ability to detect patterns within humanity faster then the average. While I find this doesn’t translate well into direct intellect, it does offer me advantages in the complex social constructs of life. Mainly friendship and relationships.
Between the comradely of friendships and the passion of relationships people for the most part seem wholly comfortable accepting extensions of friendship after a short period of time from getting to know you. Normally it’s first slightly resisted after initially asking for it, as if somehow they are aware they shouldn’t take a hand out so hastily from friends… To make it seem like they are earning it, a technique of groveling most likely picked up from TV or other media outlets that help conform America to social standards. Once the initial offer is taken and accepting I find the offending “friend” now has roughly %25 less of a problem asking and accepting the handout in the future. This pattern repeats relatively linearly until the request becomes a mock of their flawed character in a vein attempt to distract me away from their inability to manage life on their own. As tho somehow them accepting that handouts are becoming routine for them, makes it easier for me to hand out. To that I never understood.