Children struggle to comprehend death

By Auron Bernardoni

Trigger warning: If death or the discussion of it is a sensitive subject, read at your own risk.

Death is a vile thing for most, for others it's the sign of new beginnings, all depends on how you slice the pie. But how does death affect a child? How does this impact their life, whether the death was a friend or family or a stranger? Well let's begin. First and foremost, death is not a pretty thing. It's not a happy thing for any one, but death affects a child more than it does most adults. And it can actually cause long-term effects to their mentality and their long-term memory may become jumbled in the mind's attempt to forget the death that occured.

It's a basic human instinct to delete negative memories from the mind because in our subconscious we want to be happy, not sad. There are a lot of factors into the effects it can have; it depends on the relationship between the person who died and the one grieving, the age that person died, and the cause of death. And another factor is the age of the person who is grieving. For the sake of this article we are going to stick with the age range of about 4 to 12 years of age. It isn’t until about 4 years old that a child begins to understand finality, according to National Geographic.

There are three main things that make it difficult for children to understand; in fact, these three things make death hard for everyone to understand. The first one being the fact that death is final--you can't bring them back. A lot of the time children will refer to someone who is dead as them being gone on a trip or away for work, etc. They have a hard time grasping the concept. The second part is the factor they can't do anything. Sometimes children will think they are sleeping and they're going to wake up and be able to do everything. A lot of kids believe that death isn't permanent, that is until they understand it of course. And the hardest thing for anyone to understand or come to terms with is that in the end, everything dies.

Children tend to think some people are “immune” from death. They are likely to think this about a parent, teacher, or figure of authority. One thing that makes death so hard to understand is that it can be sudden, it can be slow, and it can be painless or painful. It's unpredictable, and children have a hard time understanding things that don't have a definitive answer. This doesn't exactly apply to everyone. Some children learn faster than others and some have had to experience death very early on giving them an understanding of death. Something that helps a child's understanding of death is how those around them react. Children are very empathetic and they feed off others emotions. That’s why sometimes if a parent starts crying the child may start crying as well. When they see others sad and crying when someone dies, it helps them understand that death isn't a happy thing. They may not fully understand it, but they do understand it's not a happy thing. If you know someone who has lost someone, be kind to them and be a little more sensitive. Death isn't a pretty thing and it's hard to get over and everyone copes in different ways, so be patient and try to help them through it. It could make a world of a difference to them.