Throughout the two weeks the creative writing class says an assortment of crazy things! Every year we assign a historian to write down the best of them. This year, since we are split into groups––poets and fiction writers –– we will have two historians accordingly.
Poetry Historian: Alizabeth McDermott
Fiction Historian: Aspyn Chapin
Creative Writing Quotes '24
Max: Hozier could run me over with a truck and I’d say thank you.
Tyler: You guys are free to bring blankets and pillows if you want—
Max: Can I bring a lightsaber?
Anika: *puts bottom of her shoe in Alizabeth’s face
Lick that thang!
Max: If I took Ibuprofen for every time my legs hurt I’d be a drug addict. I’d need heroin.
Aspyn: It’s about women empowerment.
Darbie: and MURDER. :)
Alizabeth: punctuation *jazz hands*
Aspyn: Did you know that Baby on Board stickers on cars are to alert paramedics that during a car crash, there is a baby that must be attended to first?
Tyler: Where did that come from?
Aspyn: Well, she was talking about a car and a baby so my mind immediately went to that fact. I'm sorry, the people needed to know!
Tyler: What’s up guys?
Adrian: *quietly* Definitely not planning world domination.
Darbie: We start depressed, and end depressed.
Max: That last line was kinda spicy, not gonna lie.
Aspyn: It goes from a little serious, to a little lucy goosey.
Adrian: I love that burger. :)
Aspyn: What?
Adrian: Oh, I thought you said Greasy Lucy.
Tyler: *insinuates the “B” word (bad)
Anika: Pay up.
Tyler: It’s a digital world bruhhh.
Anika: I’ll take your credit card.
Tyler: Adrian you had a question
Adrian: I wanted to know what your social security number is.
Anika: *sadly* People hate on carrot cake too.
Everyone: *quiet*
Max: I wonder who invented Cheez-Its.
Tyler: Ok, we’re not pointing fingers.
Max & Alizabeth: No, we’re pointing lightsabers!
Tyler: I might just do like an overall vibe.
Max: You can just be like “you kids are crazy man”
Summer: We can play hangman…
Tyler: Does the moon eat itself?
Max: Mom, I mean–Daryl!
Lydia: Daryl is my mommy.
Aspyn: Is Daryl your Milf?
Lydia: Yes.
Tyler: Do you guys want to hear a poem?
Max: Roses are red, violets are blue, you better shut your mouth, or I’ll do it for you.
*group photo being taken*
Max: I can hear everyone’s faces relax.
Tyler: Does anybody here watch Is It Cake?
Several people: Yeah.
Tyler: Do you guys like it?
Several people: Yes.
Tyler: *quiet*
Alizabeth: Is that the rest of the conversation?
Tyler: Yeah.
Aspyn: That was random.
Tyler: I was thinking about like, am I cake?
Alizabeth: What did you have for lunch?
Max: Is it a vibe?
Tyler & Aspyn: *in perfect unison* Good morning, starshine! The Earth says hello!
Anika: What’s that shirt?
Tyler: It’s Lisa. (Simpson)
Anika: Why do you have that shirt?
Tyler: It was seven bucks at Marshalls.
Anika: *complaining*
Aspyn: It's so hard being you.
Anika: Yeah, I know it is.
Tyler: I’m such a fool.
Anika: My personal favorite kind of murder is fire. It should be legal today because it’s my birthday.
Tyler: I will just wish you a very happy birthday.
Anika: Thanks queen.
Max: I can’t really drink coffee. I get anxious.
Alizabeth: Anxious is my natural state.
Max: A rested Darbie is the best Darbie.
Anika: I thought you said like… arrested.
Darbie: Please don’t take me to jail.
Alizabeth: I went on a run and I ran into the rest of the Instructors.
Anika: Like physically ran into them?
Alizabeth: I slept on the floor again.
Anika: I love floor sleeping.
Amelia: That’s so valid.
*listens to the ENTIRETY of “white people taco night”
Alizabeth: So, what do you think the other classes do all day?
Anika: Slay
Tyler: Slayyy… yyy.
Alizabeth: It’s so rich grandma core.
Max: Going straight for the jugular with that!
Aspyn: That’s what women are good at; going for the throat. :)
Tyler: Writers that have a certain style.
Aspyn: Sarah J. Maas.
Max: She definitely has a certain style.
Tyler: I think the priest has a name.
Aspyn: Carl.
Darbie: What about Camera?
Tyler: Camera? Like, snap snap?
Darbie: Like the 3rd person point of view.
Tyler: Why don’t you write in 3rd person.
Max: Have you ever read a Wattpad fanfic?
Lydia: If you think about it, every classic book is about some white guy, just chillin’.
Max: OMG! The Great Gatsby, I swear!
Max: Can Snoop Dogg work on my dad’s farm?
Max: Like the aesthetics?
Tyler: Yeah.
Aspyn: Aesthetics… I couldn’t pronounce that word for the longest time.
Max: What if someone thought they were God?
Tyler: Have you ever met a narcissist?
Max: Forsaken is such a biblical word.
Alizabeth: *looks at Amelia* You have been forsaken.
Amelia: *real life hands on face shocked emoji*
Anika: Guys, I have an announcement. I'm pregnant.
Lydia: Can I be the dad?
Adrian: Who’s the dad?
Anika: Lydia’s the dad.
Lydia: It’s Daddy Lydia now.
Amelia: They, want, me, to, use,...
Ankia: Protection?
Jaelyn: *pulls out a container of goldfish crackers*
Aspyn: You brought goldfish?
Jaelyn: Yes.
Aspyn: *pulls out a ziplock bag full of goldfish crackers* Me too.
Amelia: *slams down bucket hat violently*
Aspyn: You okay there?
Amelia: I’m great. :)
Anika: It’s gangsta talk, Jacob.
Alizabeth: *taps fingertips evilly* Flashcards. :)
Max: Do not insinuate the “B” word.
Aspyn: We’re looking at you, Tyler.
Tyler: What?
Lydia: Yeah, Tyler!
Anika: *walks into the room with a flower lay* I just got laid.
Anika: I peed on the floor once.
Adrian: *strokes William Shakespeare poster tenderly and whispers* Shhh, babygirl.
Tyler: You can be so constipated that when you finally go it can induce amnesia.
Alizabeth: So, this is not a personal experience…
Alizabeth: I almost killed someone because of Broken-Heart Syndrome.
Aspyn & Amelia: What?
Alizabeth: *clicks tongue*
Tyler: It’s Jaws.
Adrian: Like the shark one?
Aspyn: I’ve got Skittles and popcorn!
Tyler: Yooooo.
Aspyn: You want some?
Tyler: No.
Aspyn: Okay.
Max: If Keanu Reeves was chasing me I would just stop running
Tyler: If Keanu Reeves was chasing me I wouldn’t have started running
Anika: Lydia, I didn’t bring the baby.
Lydia: What did you do with it?
Anika: It’s in my basement.
Lydia: Anika, we talked about this. No putting children in the basement.
Max: Tyler’s a writer, he doesn’t have 14 bucks.
Amelia: Is a girlfriend an object?
Amelia: What do you wear to a wedding?
Tyler: A white dress.
Amelia: No!
Adrian: You should wear a white dress, Tyler.
Tyler: I should. I would look pretty in one.
Adrian: No you wouldn’t. :)
Alizabeth: Rainbows and sunshine and murder and cannibalism
Anika: *erases shark anatomy off of the board*
Alizabeth: No more baby shark do do do-do-do do now.
Anika: She was fine with my feet before.
Tyler: Are you going to watch the new Garfield movie?
Adrian: I can’t because… Chris Pratt.
Summer: What’d Chris Pratt do?
Tyler: He exists.
Tyler: Lizard man… here again… off to start his lizard day *singing
Adrian: Are you ok?
Tyler: yeah.
Alizabeth: Are you sure?
Tyler: yeah.
Tyler: As a teacher the last thing you want to do is actually teach.
Tyler: That’s an Ick.
Tyler: *in the voice of Roz from Monsters Inc.* Mike Wazoski.
Tyler: I don’t want to be like, ‘damn, he’s rude.”
Tyler: Close only counts in Horseshoes and hand grenades. That’s what my fifth grade teacher used to say.
Tyler: Summer and Darbie aren’t in here.
Adrian: I thought you said summon an army in here!!
Anika: Godfather Tyler Jacobs.
Tyler: Hell yeah.
Max: *throws bars across the room*
Aspyn: Stop assaulting people with snacks!
Tyler: Sitting is the new smoking.
Aspyn: *hits elbow* Ow! Hitting my funny bone is not very funny. I did not find that humorous. :(
Aspyn: Why can I just imagine writing something and it turns into a book?
Lydia: I feel that.
Tyler: Men don’t fall from the sky. They tend to stay on the ground more often than not.
Tyler: Hashtag Slay!
Darbie: For kidnapping a child.
Anika: One time I had a fork in my mouth and I ran into a wall, and it bruised the top of my mouth.
Alizabeth: Is it Monday?
Darbie: Yeah, surprise! *jazz hands
Max: Surprise shawty!!
Alizabeth: Are you drinking two separate Alani’s right now, Amelia?
Amelia: Oh yeah, double fisting it.
Ben: I’m taking this with me.
Alizabeth: Put it in your shirt.
Ben: That’s weird.
Alizabeth: Put it in your pants.
Darbie: That’s weirder.
Aspyn: Female creative writers are literally just cats.
Alizabeth: Tyler’s a cat too, don’t be sexist.
Tyler: Thoughtfully I’m thankful for… vegetables. I just like miss them
Summer: You could just, like, go to the grocery store.
Anika: I had a migraine when I got home.
Tyler: Did you light the migraine on fire?
Adrianna: Can I have a single nut?
Lydia; He’s an ick.
Max: You know what’s worse? His name is Noah
Lydia: Be nice. I have a Sims character named Noah.
Max: I don’t want to hear about a guy named Noah, unless he made an ark.
Tyler: *picks up Anika’s computer and starts looking for some hole idk
Anika: There’s other holes…
Adrian: Same
Anika: What’s cleaner than Wattpad?
Alizabeth, Aspyn, & Darbie: EVERYTHING!
Adrian: I’ve seen worse.
Aspyn: Like what?
Adrian: A03.
Aspyn: That’s a pretty fair argument.
Anika: Well you suck!
Tyler: Bet.
Aspyn: It’s heckin wimdy outside.
(apparently that’s a meme)
Tyler: Let’s talk about your projects.
Anika: Let’s talk about your makeup.
Lydia: Let’s talk about women's rights.
Lydia: Why don’t we have edible Play-Doh?
Alizabeth: It’s called fondant.
Darbie: *eye contact* oh year…
Tyler: I’m really grateful for my colleagues. They make this really…
Amelia: Pleasurable…
Adrian: Don’t lick your teeth after you say that.
*silence*
Anika: Tyler, are you happy?
Anika: My butthole hurts…
Anika: Ohhhhhhhh, someone has an affair. :)
Anika: Thanks for letting me speak, Tyler
Amelia: You don’t get to speak, you’re a woman.
Max: Someone, give this man a carrot. (Tyler misses his cooked, seasoned vegetables)
Anika: How do I typle tyted?
Lydia: I’ve been watching Rated-R movies since I came out of the womb.
Anika: Tyler, do you have a Mafia rat?
Adrianna: My mom calls me a disappointment.
Anika: Oh shoot I forgot to shower!
Adrianna: Put it in a bag so it looks like cocaine.
*watching legally blond
Max: I don't think he spent four hours with her.