Praise for
Deep Dark Secrets
"Daring. Honest. Funny. Through repetition, this book of poems doesn't want anything other than to be heard. And it is heard!"
–Tyler Michael Jacobs, 5th year SHP Creative Writing Instructor
To my lovely mother, for always being my number one fan.
To my father for always being there for me.
To my older sister for supporting me no matter what.
To my older brother for keeping me in check.
To my little sister for being my best friend.
Table of Contents
Bucket Hat
Peter
The “B” Word
Under the Bridge
I miss you
Dark Side Nursery Rhyme
Freshly Baked Cookies
The Breakup
Objects and Actions
Hot Air Balloons
Anxiety
Gummy Bears
Underwater
Pretty Girl in Yellow Dress
Poor
Trash
Soul Sucker
Sleep
Bucket Hat
Oh bucket hat oh bucket hat
Where are thou bucket hat
My bucket hat flew away 10 years ago
It washed away at sea.
One might ask
Do you miss your bucket hat?
And I would answer
Oh my poor bucket hat
How I miss my bucket hat
Bucket hat, my bucket hat
How I wish my bucket hat would come back
My bucket was my pride and joy
But the gods took my bucket hat away
Maybe they thought my bucket hat gave me too much power
Or perhaps they just don’t want me to be happy
But my bucket was the only bucket hat that kept me sane.
Without my bucket hat, I feel lost
I hope the seas return my bucket hat
Because my bucket hat is my other half
Now I go to dinner without my bucket hat
And I don’t know if my bucket hat is hungry
My bucket hat needs food
My bucket hat needs nourishment
Now I can no longer see
Because my bucket hat was the one to shade me
The sun glares down at me
And my bucket hat isn’t there to save me
They tell me to use sunglasses
But I cannot replace my bucket hat
My bucket hat fits me quite right
Oh bucket hat oh bucket hat
How you are so divine
I love my bucket hat
When I lost my bucket hat I was so sad
But then a woman came up to me and said:
It's on your head!
Oh I was so happy
Because my bucket hat is my daddy.
Peter
It’s better to be in the water with Jesus than on the boat without him.
The “B” Word
I quit
I am in a writing slump
I can’t come up with any ideas
I just sit here
Waiting for an idea to pop up in my head
I could write about flowers or friends
But don’t feel like I can write good
Everything is BAD
I am not allowed to say bad, though
Let’s just say, it's not good
Anything except good
One might call it weird
And another may call it boring
I’m afraid of correction
Because it makes me feel like less of a person.
Under the Bridge
I killed a man in Vegas
It was because I was riding a pegasus
I was up high in the sky
And as time went by
My pegasus got tired
He was going to get fired.
he was too close to the ground
And this was when a body was found
At first, I couldn’t tell who it was
But when we got closer, I could see it was Buzz.
His legs snapped
And his lips were chapped
I tried to call the police
But my hands were filled with grease
That’s when I realized
That I wasn’t baptized
And I was the murderer the whole time.
I miss you
I hate how you drive.
I hate how your voice penetrates my heart
I hate how you made me feel
I hate how you made me cry
I hate how you treat your father
I hate how you made me laugh
I hate how you left me
I hate how I still miss you
I hate how you kept secrets
I hate how you hung out with other girls
I hate how you made me hate all the other boys
I hate how you made me hate myself
I hate how you made me feel insignificant
I hate how you made me stop caring
I hate how I still love you
I hate how I’m not over you
I hate you.
And I hate that the most.
Dark Side Nursery Rhyme
Row row row your boat,
Gently down the streams…
of tears rolling down my face.
Dark, right?
I finally figured out that life isn’t all merry,
And also has no dreams.
This world is cruel,
And it will tear you to shreds.
But you can’t let that show
Because you have to let that boat
Flow down that stream
Even if it's rolling down your face.
Baa baa black sheep
Have you any will to live?
No sir, No sir,
I lost mine a long time ago
The master’s dead
And the dame’s abandoned.
Only the little boy has hope
And it's going to get taken
Hickory dickory dock
The mouse ran up the clock
Not because the clock struck one
But because he was running from the cat.
When the clock did strike one
and the mouse ran down
The cat ate him
Because he’s a murderer.
Little Bo Peep lost her spark
And it wasn’t because her sheep were gone
She can’t find someone to love
And that killed her.
Freshly Baked Cookies
It’s different now that you are gone. The smell of you has faded from each room. It no longer smells like baby powder and freshly baked cookies. There’s no longer the sound of your old TV running in the background and I can’t hear the conversations of you and my mother. The sound coming from your clock has seized, and there’s an absence of your love. It’s silent. It’s empty. It’s because you’re gone.
The Breakup
I want to break up with him.
He just makes me feel so dim
The way he drives bothers
And the way that he treats his father.
But I love the way he looks at me
And the way he makes my heart gleam
I just can’t tell if he’s the one
Because without him I would have none.
Object and Action
She drops her phone
He types on his computer
She hops off the ledge
He reads a book
She cries at her desk
He laughs at the dog
She shuffles the cards
He walks over to the apple
She picks her nose
He checks his watch
She drinks her drink
He draws on a piece of paper
She eats popcorn
He chokes on water
She taps her shoes
He fucks his girlfriend
She picks up the phone
He eats his trail mix
She grabs her bag
He hides the body in the bag
She curls her hair
He pets the cat
She points at the board
He squirts the water gun
She falls asleep in her bed
He lays awake with his eyes open.
Hot Air Balloon
Perfection is the figment of my imagination.
No matter how hard I try,
Or how hard I wish,
I can’t seem to find the perfection I am searching for.
I look up toward the sky,
Looking for a little bit of hope
But I fall short
Every.
Single.
Time.
I don’t know how much longer
I can keep up on this act.
I’m going to slip up.
And everyone is going to find out
That I’m not this girl
Who is perfect.
Anxiety
Air isn't free
on nights like these
my throat won't let anything pass
it feels as if my trachea is a conductor
waiting for a ticket to let my breath seep out
I search for this so-called ticket
looking high and low
hoping I can find anything to help me
it's not fair to have to pay the price
of just being able to live.
Gummy Bears
Hi
My
Name
Is
Amelia
And
This
Is
My
Poem
Thank
You
For
Tuning
In
See
You
Next
Time
Underwater
I gasp for air as I'm drowning in these thoughts
knowing no one actually cares
about me or these thoughts
I fall short.
I don’t know how much longer
I can keep my head above these waters
Because my legs are chained
To these heavy feelings
That pull me under
Pretty Girl in Yellow Dress
Loving you is like trying to open a door that is locked
A locked door is just a wall
You can't get through a wall
You can’t go over it, either.
It’s like trying to give someone a hug
But you are wearing a straitjacket
You can’t extend your hands
In fact, you can hardly move at all.
It’s like trying to fill up a strainer with water
My unending love can never fill you up
No matter what I do or what I say
It somehow, will never be enough.
Poor
It takes me anywhere
From the store to a house
It likes to stay on the dirt
But is sometimes forced on concrete
It runs fast and walks slow
It leaps over logs
and walks with style
This was the main way of transportation back in the day
When someone had it, they were considered poor
But nowadays they are considered rich
Trash
Sometimes, I feel like Forky from Toy Story. I relate to him a lot. I don’t feel important and it seems as if no one actually likes me. I am unsure of almost everything and sometimes I just want to disappear. I know I was made to be wanted, but right now, I feel insignificant. I want to jump into the trash; I want a garbage truck to pick me up, take me to a place where everything is like me, and leave me there forever.
Soul Sucker
I came in happy to tell the world about what I've learned
But after this trip, I forgot that the world isn’t all cupcakes and rainbows
I realized that people are cruel and will want to bring you down
Acknowledgments
Poor was first published on KUVR.
Thank you to Anika Scheele, Summer Florell, Benjamin Popple, Alizabeth Mcdermott, Adrianna Seberger, Aspyn Chapin, Jaelyn Trew, Lydia Sikes, Maxine Fickenscher, Hali Knott, and Darbie deFreese. You guys were very inspiring during our time in our creative writing class during Summer Honors.
Thank you to Tyler Jacobs for being a really cool dude. I am very thankful that I had you as a professor.
Thank you to everyone in Summer Honors for making this year unforgettable. Everyone was so welcoming and nice. Thank you for making this last year the best year.
Thank you to the art class for inspiring the poem Bucket Hat.
Thank you to my parents for pushing me to my fullest potential and never letting me down.
Thank you to my siblings for growing up with me and being my best friends. My siblings are always there for me and always ready to kick some xxx when someone bothers me.