Masthead 2017

Zoey Klein (Holdrege- 3rd year SHP) You can likely find Zoey sitting on her bean bag attempting to write, but realizing she would much rather eat Totino's pizza instead. One day, when she is a professional tennis player, she will be married to her handsome blond-haired husband who carries her around everywhere so she never has to get up. She is super sassy, and if you argue with her you are going to get roasted to a crisp. Although she will never be as cool as Zoey 101, she is a close second.

Jade Gonzalez (Bertrand- 3rd year SHP) Jade of (In)Justice has found true love (sorry, Draco Malfoy) in generic brand Girl Scout cookies (the coconut ones). She takes long walks on the beach to find alluring mermen to harpoon. Jade has sailed around the world three times, because she is, in fact, an immortal. She dresses her porcelain dolls in fishnets and names them after the seven dwarves. When she’s not alliterating criminals’ nicknames, she’s licking off the creme part of other people’s oreos and selling slightly warmed cheese on street corners.

Liv O’Clair (Loomis- 3rd year SHP) Liv is scared of Ryan Reynolds stealing her first born child. Liv was greatly affected by the time she was brought Sonic’s French Toast Sticks while she was in the shower. Last-Line Liv always has something helpful to say about anything and everything. Her favorite saying is, “Censor that, I’m Catholic.” Liv can be heard announcing, “Pizza rolls, they are worth the future cancer.” Liv brings a cheery mood to the classroom and SHP wouldn’t be the same without her.

Abby Waldo (Alma- 3rd year SHP) Adjective Abby is an Alma 3rd year with a fear of the letter ‘A’. She enjoys walking down the aisles of Menard’s and smelling different light fixtures. She is starting a business where people come and she will rip the plastic wrap for their leftovers. She thinks that Christopher Columbus is so overrated that sometimes she goes home and binges on cookie dough to quell her anger. Adam Levine has a restraining order against Abby because she keeps calling him to ask what their future kids will look like. Beans are not Abby’s magical fruit because when tasked with eating them for 5 million dollars, she refused. Abby will be a junior at Alma High this fall, and is preparing to dominate cheer squad while simultaneous dictating the student council.

Evy Holmes (Axtell- 2nd year SHP) Evy Holmes wants to work with serial killers, but also wants to save her little dragon, Echo, from the serial killers she works with. Evy gives Echo to the only person she trusts her life with, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. She likes to perform the entire Hamilton musical to her dragon under the blue sky, which is her favorite color. If it was up to her, Trump would have lost because he is the one who is telling the other serial killers to go after Echo. Evy must protect Echo.

Maddie Cervera (Alma- 2nd year SHP) Madison Cervera, or MC Maddie, is an Alma Cardinal that molted her feathers to reveal a human form. Her deepest desire is to raise blobfish and Venezuelan poodle moths. MC is going to play in the professional softball league, if that’s a thing. Elephants are her favorite animals, and she plans on moving to Africa and living with a herd. One little known fact about Maddie is that she can paint with all the colors of the wind.

Abby Cleveland (Franklin- 2nd year SHP)  Abby is a super cheerful cantaloupe farmer who dwells in Franklin, Nebraska. She enjoys licking all the filling out of oreos before dropping them all over the floor. During breaks, she likes to take naps and buy 50 cent popsicles. She does not appreciate being woken up by people screaming in her ear, which is understandable. When she sneezes, it sounds like a tiny fairy who has a mild cold. One day Abby wishes to only read Percy Jackson and snack on her farm of cantaloupes. For now she continues to train to swim across all seven seas.

Sara Lundeen (Axtell- 2nd year SHP) Sara Lundeen is going to be a sophomore at Axtell High School. She spends most of her time jamming out to a Toast, Slice, Butter that is to the tune of Uptown Girl. Online, Sara uses her code name “Arusaga” to play games on Wonderpets.org. While she plays her games she chugs down cans of A&W Cream Soda and sits next to her white fluffy dog, Potato. When Savage Sara finally graduates, she is going to New Zealand to fulfill her dream of living in the same area they filmed The Lord of the Rings.  

Tessa Wagener (Holdrege- 2nd year SHP) Tear-jerker Tessa likes to tell people that she is intellectual and outgoing (which the whole creative writing class would agree is debateable… just kidding!!). She loves polar bears because they’d be fun to cuddle with, and she loves Leonardo Dicaprio for probably the exact same reason. Bruno Mars is another celeb that tugs at Tessa’s heart strings. The farthest she’s ever traveled is Denver, Colorado, but I hope she wasn’t there too early because she’s a little grouchy in the mornings. She loves to stay up late. I’m pretty sure it’s to pick out her outfits for the next day because she always looks like a supermodel, or it’s just to watch Netflix… who knows.

Hope Anderson (Holdrege- 1st year SHP) Hope Nadine Anderson is going to be a Freshman in Holdrege. Her proudest moment ever was when she won drum major. Hope spends her weekends fighting off the terrible math students with her good friend, Bob Ross. Together they wear spandex super suits of maroon, and spit thick, gooey phlegm at their mutual enemies while Tubthumping by Chumbawamba plays dramatically in the background. On their down time they watch Psych and run their own market in the depths of Monowi, where you can buy the organs of their dead enemies. Use the code word “supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” backwards, and you can get a 10% discount.

Jenessa Landin (Holdrege- 1st year SHP) Bringing her strange sense of humor with her everywhere she goes, Jabbery Jenessa spends her afternoons in dirty lake water, talking up a storm with strangers. When she’s not out and about socializing, she’s Snapchatting or singing random songs to strangers passing by. Every Friday at 2:09 P.M., Nessa flies all five foot of her to the Mariana Trench. At the very bottom of the trench, she eats triangle-shaped watermelon and sorts skittles by their color, spearing anything that dares to come near her beloved food.

Avery Michalski (Holdrege- 1st year SHP) Avery is a Dr. Seuss enthusiast, who loves eating giant cookies almost as much as writing giant words. When she’s not eating jalapeño jelly in her cave in Thailand, she is tending to 100 duck sized-horses that she raises on a farm in Switzerland. Her favorite celebrity is Chris Pratt, but only when he’s sleeping. At the moment, she is doing jail time because she watched Moana on an illegal website before it came out on DVD. She says “Aloha” from prison!